


The Story Never Ends

by lacedparrilla



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Conventions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Television
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2019-09-13 17:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 88,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16896885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacedparrilla/pseuds/lacedparrilla
Summary: Emma Swan and Regina Mills have never quite seen eye to eye. And with their hatred written in the stars, it only makes it all the more stranger when something slowly starts to develop between the two. Something both women are a little too ignorant to even try and admit is happening. It all starts from one twitter message, and an impossible amount of secret and unplanned meetings in bathrooms - but the story never quite seems to end.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fic I've written that I've been lowkey proud of and not too afraid to post, so I really hope you guys like!! Special thanks to Dorota for helping me to come up with the general idea's and themes in this fic and for supporting my dumbass through the process of writing. Full disclosure, I do delve into about some things that have happened to Lana and Jen when they've been together at cons and event, or things that happen in general but don't think too deeply into what I write. Also, I am going to be filling this fic with themes such as emotional abuse, alcoholism (only lowkey, its not a main theme), homophobia and a little tiny bit of physical violence, but it's very brief and not graphic in the slightest. I'll put a warning before the chapters that involve these themes so that you can make a decision to read or skip that part.  
> Any way, thank you for reading and a lot of work has gone into this, so I really do hope you enjoy, let me know what you think in the comments and maybe possibly leave some kudos if your feeling extra nice.
> 
>  
> 
> (posting every friday)

12/05/17

The blur of blonde hair hadn’t gone unnoticed. Those damned princess curls a gauzing shade of sunshiny yellow, bright enough to blind even those standing on the other side of the room, the ringlets having been obnoxious enough to get caught in the light peeping through every window. And even through the crowds and the swarming fans that were becoming unbearably needy for Regina’s attention, her gaze had still been captured by the woman she had grown so eager to hate, so eager to tease and fight with whenever an opportunity had been given.

She absentmindedly engaged with those surrounding her, but her mind traced back to her first meeting with said blonde haired woman, a smirk weaving between her painted lips at the thought - which was strange enough as their first meeting had been far from anything pleasant. Neither one had intended or planned on being so spiteful towards the other – it was more of a natural formulation of joint thought.

Even now thinking back, a familiar throb of anger was pulsing through Regina’s blood, spilling into her memory and making the whole thing even more aggravating than it had been originally. Deep down she knew Emma hadn’t meant to spill that scolding hot coffee all down Regina’s front and in fact it was more the brunette’s own security than anyone, but the delicious feeling Regina felt lacing itself and gripping tightly around her throat when she had looked down to a truly apologetic blonde was too good to not react upon. A sneer on her lips and a rage so acidic it was burning embarrassingly large scars on Emma’s reddening skin, she didn’t fail to make a mockery of the young actress, making sure every eye in the room was on the two of them as she rather loathsomely told Emma off for her stubborn lack of spatial awareness.

For the most part Regina had been pleased with herself, being furiously dabbed down by Emma who had not once stopped for a breath between apologising. That was until something in the blonde had snapped. Biting back with fangs so sharp they were sure to leave bloody marks in Regina’s ever-growing ego. Fighting with spite in her insults and a blazed fire in her eyes. Making sure to stay in front of the very crowd Regina had drawn herself, and making it clear she had a tongue just as dangerous as the actress threatening her.

But Regina kept her front, not blinking or stepping back as the blonde inched closer in an attempt to intimidate her even further. Regina would rather drop of the face of the earth before having to admit she had in fact been in the wrong or apologise or back out of a fight, especially one she’d initiated herself. Whenever competition arose she’d taken it upon herself to act up – and why shouldn’t she if winning was always a guarantee? But for the first time in a long time, she had found someone who could argue with her poisoned insults, someone who could hold their own and really prove to be a match.

That’d been two years ago, and still the battle between the two women was everlasting. Hurdling insults and starting petty arguments at cons or red-carpet events. And although their teasing was mean, and their words were meant to hurt, the arguments never _publicly_ escalated to anything more than playful – but behind closed doors was a whole other story.

It truly was the most cliché part of her life she could think of, the two already competing on rival shows on separate networks. Their inevitable hatred of one another was sure enough planned from the very beginning.

But for now, Emma had separated from the convention. Slipping, not so quietly, into one of the back-room’s actors could use as a smallish escape. And for Regina, she was slowly starting to seep back into reality, coming face to face with smiling and adorning fans. Her heart was slowly starting to warm with something much more appealing than the hatred that was threatening to bubble over, she’d always adored her fans.

It was much to her demise that the convention had only allowed a short time for autographs and she was keeping a wary eye on the volunteers who were siting angrily on the edge of their seats and gripping tightly into the lip of their chairs as Regina would continue to disobey strict orders of having no selfies. But she had never been one to listen to the rules over making her own, especially when she had felt so indebted to her fans – they deserved more than a quick two second conversation and a small smile.

Not that she had wanted or needed too but her mind was slowly clouding over with Emma once more. Memories of sharing autograph booths with the blonde had webbed into the deepest corners of her mind. The never ending and what Regina found to be extremely tedious bickering between the two caused rambunctious bouts of laughter to escape the lips of the fans who had an eye for them both, taking their anger as nothing more than a joke.

Not for a single moment could they escape questions about the other, and the feud that had been boiling between the two for the years they had become _intimate_ with each other. The fans played with it as much as the actresses had, hoping that it really was only a game between the two and perhaps not so subtly trying to edge them both into a corner where maybe they could get over themselves and finally upgrade their relationship to form some sort of friendship.

The brunette sniggered at the thought, it was a completely ridiculous accusation she would hear from time to time. And although they played it off as some sort of big joke, the two genuinely could not stand each other. They could barely spend longer than ten minutes together in a room, no matter how far from each other they were or how interesting the conversation they had engaged themselves in with other people. There was something so infuriating about Emma’s existence, her literal being was enough to make Regina roll her eyes so far into her head they could induce a headache.

And if it wasn’t for her entire personality being so damn annoying, Emma had still landed the lead on the show rival to Regina’s, so it was natural for the two to compete and joust out their differences.

No, Regina had no intentions of becoming friendly with Emma Swan. And she knew for a fact the blonde had felt the exact same. Although her pathetic eagerness to please those around her had at points suggested she was tired of their bickering – but Regina made it clear she had no interest in playing along.

Sooner than she had wanted to say goodbye, she was being swept up by security to be taken to one of the further hidden rooms. A gentle hand caressing the small of her back was a simple enough gesture to indicate it was ending, but the nudging was forceful in nature telling her it really was time to go and it didn’t matter how much she pleaded with her eyes for just a few seconds more.

Still, a smile was possessively hugging her cheeks, never wavering for a second, even after the door had been closed and the deafening crying of her name and confessions of love was only a muffled murmur to the naked ear.

And the smile had been so loyal, so sickly sweet until Regina turned only to be faced with something that had made her feel that same sickness swell into a much more bitter kind of aggravation.

“For Gods’ sake,” she mumbled warningly under her breath, and although she had spoken so quietly so that she had been the only one to hear the threatening tone that had bled violently into her words, she was still shocked when the blonde hadn’t reacted at all. And without much hesitation she was marching, elegantly at that – more of a sashay than a march because Regina was anything far from looking less than regal.

“Miss Swan!” she called down to the sitting blonde, the warning tone she had been wearing before had become much clearer now – luring an eye roll and a sigh to brush Emma’s lips.

“Henry,” Regina continued, softer now – her words being married with a smallish smile. One as best as she could muster for the scene in front had irritated her more than intended. An ounce of betrayal was slipping thoughtlessly through her words as she saw how happy the boy seemed to be in the company of the woman Regina hated the most. She held out a hand for him to take, he hesitated, regrettably having to leave Emma’s side as he did so. But he hadn’t hesitated before immediately going to wrap his arms around his mother’s waist in the same movement as Regina had pulled him into a hug, he retaliated sooner than Regina had hoped as that childish rebellion was starting to kick in. He watched nervously around the room to see if anyone had, god forbid, seen him nuzzling deep into his mother’s embrace.

She didn’t dwell on the idea of her tiny baby boy growing faster than needs be, and instead brought focus back up to Emma who had relaxed back into the chair. Eyeing Henry and sending him a playful wink – making sure Regina had seen the two of them playing before following the trail to meet her gaze.

“Regina,” it definitely wasn’t the first time she had said her name, but it was the first time she was _tasting_ each syllable. Purposely twisting her tongue around the word without having any clear intentions of letting it slip from her lips. She knew what she was doing, and she knew Regina was only growing all the more impatient, so what felt like forever the two were waiting for the blonde to stop hissing Regina’s name.

In the time it took for the silence between them to finally blanket itself down, Regina had tempted Henry away from the conversation and over to the desert tray that laid a comfortable distance from the two women.

“I thought I made it clear that I wanted you to steer clear from my son, I don’t want your bad influence rubbing off on him,” she started, wrapping a hand around her stomach to calm the sickness that was on the verge spilling in the form of anger.

“I’m hardly about to blow off an eight-year-old Regina, he came up to me,” anyone within earshot of the argument was sure to have heard the eye roll that had formulated itself into Emma’s words. A puff of a sigh crashing into the space where Regina continued to stand, fogging the calm demeanour she had been so desperate to keep.

“You act as much of a child if not, more than he does, so I can’t say I’m surprised he feels so drawn to you,” the brunette laughed, taking a few inches to stand back and observe Emma in more detail. Her already pale fingertips were melding and morphing into the same snowy white colour as the Starbucks cup she was gripping onto so tightly, and her crossed legs were fidgeting in a way that Regina had come to learn was an indication that Emma was getting just as agitated as Regina would find herself when in these small conversations. She craved the irritation leaking from the blondes every move, lapping up the anger and frustration with one sharp swoop of her tongue – only wishing she had the energy to tease her acquaintance that little bit more.

“Maybe if you weren’t such an asshole people would be drawn to you too,” Emma sang out. The smug smile Regina had been carrying slowly got tighter. The words stung a little, she wasn’t naïve. She knew she wasn’t overly popular outside of her fandom, and she also knew Emma Swan was immensely popular so yes – the words stung a little.

Not even because it was Emma who had said them, but because there was a vulnerability so small and hidden under walls of never-ending anger in Regina that even after years of suppression never quite shut the hell up. She’d wanted nothing more than to be _liked_ when she had first started but things, as they tended to do, didn’t fall into plan and so she found it easier to keep to her own and ice everyone out. Regina steeled her expression.

“Just stay away from Henry,” her fake smile seeping into her words, causing a plastic response to form and a confused Emma to reach out with her words.

“You’re really giving up just like that?” Emma mocked, standing now to reach the brunette who had sighed once more. Stopping in her tracks and trying hard to unclench her fists from the balls they had squeezed themselves subconsciously into.

“I have no patience today, Miss Swan,” Regina was no longer smiling; her words were being spat out. She had already spent an eternity too long with Emma and nothing was more irritating than the usual eye roll being given so readily.

“Jesus Christ don’t _Miss Swan_ me,” she sneered, a slither of sarcasm wracking through her sentence

– she seemed completely un-phased by how angry the smaller, tanned woman was slowly becoming.

“Well I thought with being mature adults we’d be far from name calling, but if you insist – _idiot_ will do just nicely,” Regina wore the name on her lips happily, and even after having claimed to be above the childish insults she seemed comfortable in the approach. “Now if you’d be so kind and stop with the stalking, I’d like to spend some time with my son.”

Emma had nothing more to say but continued to open and close her mouth as if hoping something clever would spill out. Now this did bring something of a real smile back to the red stained lips on

Regina’s tanned cheeks and she took Emma’s inability of talking as a cue to finally take her leave.

She felt the blonde sulk back into her corner, their argument had been milder than ones they’d encountered before. And part of Regina couldn’t understand why neither one of them had felt that same spur of energy to keep battling, but the other much larger part of her was softening the closer she got to Henry – momentarily blurring out any thoughts of Emma Swan. She loved convention season, but she hated how separated she was from Henry for hours on end. And what she had hated more was _who_ he had chosen to spend his time with in her absence.

He was stuffing his face with some sort of cupcake with one hand and the other was throwing a rocket into the air. His eyes stitching lines where the toy would fly from either side of the table.

“Careful Henry,” she was warning him but the smile that was etching into her cheeks made the words curl into a kindness only reserved for her son.

He beamed a fake smile into her direction, trying to swallow the chocolate that filled his mouth before speaking.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, taking a hand and running it through his hair, being met with a sharp tug back and a frown to replace the once shiny smile.

“Emma’s cool, you should be her friend,” he was whining, sounding so much like he used to when he was only a small baby, and unwanted memories of a younger Regina failing to coo her son out of a tantrum came flooding back - forcing an unforgiving sadness to rain down on her mood. She was mimicking the frown she saw below her until mother and son both looked exactly alike.

The only exception being the crumbs that had gathered around Henry’s downturned lips. Regina fought the motherly urge to wipe them clean, reading the room, she realised this probably wasn’t the time.

“She has friend’s Henry,” there was so much more she wanted to say about how she really hadn’t wanted to become Emma’s friend and she really hadn’t appreciated her sons’ brief encounters with her. But she couldn’t bring herself to rant any further, not when her son was looking at her with such doughy eyes.

“Well then why does she look so sad?” he asked, gesturing with his eyes for Regina to look at the place the two had only recently walked away from. Emma was sat again, rigid in her chair with eyes pinned angrily to her phone. The familiar grip that she had on the Starbucks cup had been mimicked to grip around the plastic case, but this time her hands were shaking. Only slightly, and if Regina hadn’t looked, she wouldn’t have noticed, but she had. And now she felt guilty. Because Emma did look sad, she looked nervous – she was waiting for something to pop up on the screen lighting her face.

And with her eyes slowly dancing from pale hands to her equally pale face, to her painted lips that were pursed together – the top and bottom gripping onto each other for dear life. Each in turn being pulled at lightly every so often, and Regina just knew she was biting the flesh to death. She looked further up to Emma’s eyes, the sea green glossing over with something the brunette hadn’t been able to pinpoint – and that was probably because Regina had never seen Emma like this before, she’d never seen her look so _sad_.

But then Emma looked up and caught Regina’s glaring almost immediately. Henry had soon enough got bored and found a new interest in running around the table with his rocket being held tightly above his head.

Emma was glaring back as she let her lips finally fall free, suddenly becoming conscious to where she was and forcibly started to relax a little so not to arouse suspicion. Regina watched carefully, the painted flesh was red raw, just as she had suspected, and her teeth were hidden once more. She was almost ready to feel sorry for the blonde. No that’s not right. She doesn’t _feel sorry_ for her, she pities her and her pathetic life. But the moment was ruined anyway when her staring was met with a vicious eye roll and a sigh loud enough to be heard over the crowds.

And then all Regina could feel was frustration, Emma really had to be difficult for every day of her incompetent life. Her eyes hardened in her glare, icing over the blonde’s eye roll and freezing any kind of pity she had been feeling moments before.

Emma adjusted her dress so she could step out of the chair as gracefully as possible, gesturing a _what_ towards Regina before sauntering off rather quickly into a more secluded part of the room. Her phone, almost as quickly as her skipping had been, was reaching up to her ear as she started to hurry up in her exit.

After that Regina didn’t spare Emma another thought, she didn’t care what the blonde had done for the rest of the hour they spent in that back room. Instead she was readying herself for another round of interviews and making the most of the time she had playing with her son.

 

* * *

 

It was no surprise to anyone that she'd found herself hidden in the hotel bar, it was mostly empty – filled with couples and some rich, old, white men. It was nice to get away from everything for the night, to finally be allowed to sit in peace without some form of security luring over her every move like she was some sort of criminal.

And with the rich taste of red wine slipping like silk down her throat she let out a sigh, her eyes fluttering shut with a tired pull. Henry was sound asleep, left in a room with one of her co-stars whom she’d become somewhat close with, close enough to trust with her son.

There was a pang of guilt rippling in her chest, she’d done nothing but cry internally over how little time she’d spent with Henry through the weekend but at the first given opportunity she had slipped away to drink in the bar.

But there was just something she couldn’t decipher, a sadness she couldn’t find a source for was lodged so tightly into her heart and it was melting and coating her insides in a hot grief. And the lava like liquid was only hardening with a painful kick with every second she spent wrapped in the cold sheets of the hotel bed.

She kept telling herself she hadn’t figured out the reason for her sudden depression, but the comment

Emma had made earlier only reminded her all the more that she really didn’t have anyone. She was lonely and having that drilled into her mind by none other than the blonde idiot was just adding a whole new anger that could pearl itself into her mind.

That was a selfish thought, she wasn’t entirely alone. She had Henry and Zelena – both cooped into one room fast asleep, and it made Regina laugh how she could fit every person who she cared for and who cared back just as much into one bed.

How pathetic it all sounded, it was all her own doing. She made conscious decisions to freeze everyone out and at the time it was smart. They were decisions made carefully, but now looking back on it she hadn’t thought it through as thoroughly as she had first imagined.

And if she hadn’t already become the picture of grief – she took another swig of her wine, taking the silky liquid down in one and ushering the bartender for another.

“I’ll take the same,” a familiarly irritating voice beckoned behind the brunette and she didn’t even have to turn to see who it was nearing her un-moving body.

The blonde edged cautiously towards the woman, hovering over the seat directly next to Regina before quickly making the smart decision to leave a barstool between the two – hopping clumsily up so she could rest against the bars edge.

Emma had never really had a friendly relationship with red wine, and that Regina knew for a fact – a distinct memory of a red-carpet event three months prior had screened in her mind, when all the blonde had been drinking was red wine, up until Regina had caught her puking everything back up in the toilets. She didn’t think she would ever forget the embarrassment dripping from Emma’s face as she desperately tried to rub the mascara that had gathered under her eyes without rubbing off the rest of her perfectly placed make up.

Regina looked up when both full glasses were placed side by side, she eyed the blonde who had seemingly all but forgotten the mishap – and upon touching the glass Regina could see the corners of Emma’s mouth twitching and her pale complexion glowing a rather noticeable green. She laughed almost silently, taking a sip at her drink.

“Where’s Henry?” Emma asked, not once looking over to Regina but instead swirling the offending liquid around the glass before daring to take the tiniest sip she had ever taken of alcohol.

There was a pause before Regina mentally agreed to reply, she hadn’t wanted to but if there was anything that was going to make the blonde leave it was Regina’s obvious lack in energy to argue.

“As if that’s any of your business,” she mumbled, taking another sip, a little larger than the first.

“I was just trying to make conversation, but if you’re going to continue to be an assho–”

“When have I _ever_ given you any reason to make conversation with me?” Regina interrupted rather harshly, turning to face Emma who was half attempting to take a slower sip of her wine. She choked a little, her eyes flashing with memories of when she had been viciously sick, and soon she was sliding the glass completely away from her reach – so to prevent that accident from happening again.

Regina watched with beady eyes, wanting to smile at Emma’s stupidity but also wanting to keep the scowl that had burnt into her features hoping that Emma would just take the hint and leave her in peace.

“Fucking hell Regina, I wasn’t asking for your hand in marriage. Chill out,” Emma replied with that same amount of urgent anger, placing her hands firmly on the counter and letting out a deep sigh that she’d clearly been holding in from the beginning.

Regina’s own hands were picking at the rim of the glass, her eyes drawn back down to dirty side of the bar, scratching at the dents and stains – wishing she’d just stayed in bed.

The two sat in a childish silence, neither one wanting to speak first or wanting to engage in anything more than silent drinking – although Emma hadn’t done much drinking for majority of the time as she was actively avoiding the wine. But she finally broke the silence, giving into temptation to order a whiskey to sip on.

Regina was the one to cave, finishing her second glass and scraping herself off of the bar, not giving another look to the blonde who still sat with the wine to her side and her second glass of whiskey in hand.

“Good talk,” Emma scoffed as Regina started to skulk away, and it pulled an irritated groan to erupt from the brunette’s throat.

“Do you ever get sick of hearing your own voice?” Regina barked out, stepping back so that she was stood just next to the stool that had once served as a barrier for the two women.

Emma, as obnoxiously as she could shook her head no, swirling herself around on the barstool so Regina was in full view.

“Do you get off on being a huge bitch or something?” she asked, a smile was lingering behind her words and it only made Regina all the more agitated.

“I have no time for this,” she waved the conversation off, a hand batting out inches away from swatting at Emma’s face – yet the brunette seemed un-phased as Emma edged quickly out of the way.

Again, she made an attempt to walk away, subconsciously stopping at the steps to the bar whilst waiting for Emma to call out. But the blonde stayed silent this time and she felt a wash of relief intoxicating her more than the alcohol, as finally she could walk freely back to her room.

It was past midnight and she had an early start again for the last day of the convention, so she was more than happy to just slip into her bed and fall deep into a warming sleep.

But her mind was racing with impossible thoughts of loneliness and being wrapped up in a king-sized bed only made the physical pain all the more real. It wasn’t cold, it was warm in the room – but still the brunette was insistent on cocooning in the thick blankets, hoping that maybe she could trick her mind into thinking this would be enough for the rest of her life.

* * *

 

13/05/17

She woke before needs be, gating her eyes open and lying still for a while, feeling a numbness wash through the tangled sheets to create a tingling chill, breezing softly on her almost bare body. It wouldn’t be long till Henry would come bustling in, so it was a better idea for her to slip into the shower now instead of lying in an empty bed dripping with her own self-pity and icy thoughts.

And she hadn’t been wrong. Henry had come running in unannounced only moments after she had got comfortable in the shower, shouting for Regina with each of his light steps – the familiar sound of his rocket springing up from the ground with each time he continued to throw and drop it. A sigh was lingering in her mind, but not once had she gathered the energy to let it slip from her lips. Instead she jumped out, grabbing her robe and pattering lightly back to where Henry had placed himself.

He wasn’t facing Regina when she came back in, instead he was lying on his back against the bed – rocket high above him as he continued to make swooshing sounds that made Regina’s heart swell with a fondness so tender that she was able to convince herself this _would_ be enough for eternity.

“How was your sleepover?” she called, slipping quietly to her suitcase to unzip and rummage through the mountain of clothes she had piled in – remembering that she hadn’t quite been able to choose what she had wanted to wear whilst packing the week prior.

Henry hadn’t looked back up, but the swooshing sounds stopped, and his rocket crashed into his stomach.

“Zelena let me stay up really late, and we ordered room service and we got every single ice cream flavour they have here!” His tongue was racing a million miles an hour as he spat the words out, only to sit up with the same abrupt speed at the end of his sentence. Regina’s head snapping to make sure he was okay before noticing a pink tinting his cheeks as he continued, “but I actually wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

She hummed a laugh, tiptoeing over to the boy to grab at his cheeks feeling a warmness under the colour. She was smiling and scrunching her nose and she brought his forehead close enough to touch with her own.

“I thought I taught Zelena better than to give into that sweet little smile of yours,” she ran fingers through his messy hair feeling knots being pulled as she did so, she surveyed the mess before going back to her case to grab a hairbrush.

Henry instantly knew what she had been planning to do, eyeing the brush like it was a weapon. His small hands reaching out and taking it clean from his mother’s grip, Regina gasped but didn’t argue when she saw her son gallop obediently to the mirror so to tug at the tangles himself.

And before anything more could be said a loud knock echoed into the room, Regina beamed a smile to Henry who was pulling faces in the mirror whilst grudgingly detangling the brown mop. She waltzed over to answer the door, immediately being met with a shrieking Zelena.

“Good morning, how did you sleep? Well I presume? I slept plenty, do you mind?” she had hurdled a million questions in that thick British accent Regina had become so accustomed to before pushing past the brunette’s still robed body – the white material slowly starting to slip at the shoulder to reveal a slither of olive skin.

And if that morning couldn’t have got _any_ worse, a certain blonde was quietly idling by the room, carrying some sort of breakfast pastry and a bottle of water. Her stormy eyes melting over the scene, grazing softly over the skin Regina had so vulnerably been showing before continuing to tiptoe down the corridor back to her room.

The brunette fought an eye roll, slamming the door shut and turning back to find Zelena messing with her son’s hair that had actually started to look a little more presentable with the insistent brushing.

Instead of acting on her thoughts of swatting the pale hands away from Henry’s head and readjusting the brown mop to look neat, she went back to her suitcase – being marginally displeased with what she had packed and huffing before moving into her wardrobe that held the dresses she hadn’t wanted to leave crumpling in the case.

She decided on a tight leopard print dress, a half-cut leather jacket accompanying the garment and a pair of heels to finish off the whole look. Leaving her hair to dry naturally into its dark curls that were brushing just below her shoulders and layering a basic mask of makeup onto her cheeks, still hot from the heat of the shower, she finally felt ready to leave for the con venue.

A mountain of security acted as a shield for the three, walling them in and keeping them distant from the outside world, making it impossible for fans to scramble inside their bubble – but that hadn’t meant the two actresses held back on waving and cheering and calling out to the groups surrounding them.

Regina had agreed for one of the security members to take Henry through the back route to the hidden rooms. She had a tight grip on his hand for the moments leading up and felt an almost immediate loss having to watch him race into the warmth of the building.

But that void of emptiness was filled with the screams of crowds, and momentarily she forgot how sad she was slowly becoming.

The panels went as usual, nothing extravagant or different – but she enjoyed it all the same. She liked when they asked questions, questions that could make her think and as often as she got those there was always one about Emma and how _Emma’s_ show was going to back it up. With which all she wanted to reply was _just go ask her yourself,_ but she knew better than that.

A familiar disgruntled groan from the writers could be heard over the desk as yet again Regina was able to draw attention as far away from the show as possible – not that it had been her choice, and where she could she would try to link it back and make up some bullshit about her character – being very rarely successful in diverting, but still pathetically attempting to keep focus.

Painfully the panel was brought to a close, and the writers hadn’t said anything but the continued sighing and the aggravation painting their faces was enough to tell her exactly everything she needed to know. Instead of dwelling any further she focused on autographs and tried hard to focus on Zelena who had been non-stop wittering about roughly sixty different topics – but her mind was tailing back to that familiar blanket of sadness.

Regina made herself comfortable in the booth, resting her water on the side and being welcomed with a warm glow of appreciation as she began to sign photos, books, and drawings, only realising that a queue was starting to form next to her – and then upon further inspection noticed a whole other place was set out on the table beside her, but didn’t spare it another thought until someone was emerging from the curtain behind her.

Emma, wearing a long floral dress, peeped from the makeshift door receiving her usual cheers and cries. Of course, _of course_ she would be sharing another autograph space with _her._  Regina scrunched her nose at the sight of actress, eyes weaving into the half up half down style plaited into her blonde curls. Regina wasn’t stupid enough to deny when Emma showed up to an event looking good, but she had never seen her looking so _angelic_. The white material was wrapping like silk around her ankles, revealing a smallish glimpse of her bare feet, she’d been here a mere few hours and already given up on the heels that swung freely from her hand. Regina scoffed, eyes rolling back to face the next fan awaiting an autograph.

Emma made no effort to speak, and Regina made just the same amount of effort back. But the groups in the queues for both women had made an extra effort to merge with one another so that at some point the two women would have to interact in some way.

The crowds underestimated how stubborn the two actresses could be, but they were patient – patient enough to wait a whole half hour before either one had even looked in the others direction, let alone muttered a word.

Emma finally gave in.

“So, you really had them move your whole autographing space just to get closer to me?” Emma laughed teasingly under her breath, not sparing a look to the suddenly glaring brunette. Her eyes darkening so they looked closer to black than anything, and burning furiously into the drawing someone had just handed her.

“I think we can both be adults and agree I would rather be anywhere else,” and even though she was replying to Emma, she was holding eye contact with a fan and speaking through a tight smile that was bleeding sarcasm, the teenage girl looked more excited than phased by the plasticity of her words – her eyes building a bridge between the women and smiling a wild smile as she scattered off with a group of similar aged giggling girls.

“Is that why you spent the entirety of last night in the bar with me?” Emma was licking at the words, playfully hushing them into existence and in return getting a subtle shrill of laughter from the fans in front of them both. There was a clear playful flirtation lilting in her voice, she knew how much it annoyed Regina to act as though they were anything more than enemies.

This time the comment did will Regina to look up, and if looks could kill Emma would have been a dead woman walking. The blonde had never given into the temptation of returning the stare, but she felt the burning glare of the forever darkening brown eyes dripping obsessively into her side.

“It wasn’t so much me spending my night with you as it was you stalking me and trying to force a conversation that wasn’t there until I finally realised I would rather spend my night alone,” Regina bit back, forcing a smile to mount her red lips as she tried to regain some sort of focus on the fans who were doing nothing more than gulping desperately at the interactions, hungrily waiting for more. “How’s your fiancé, Miss Swan?” Regina added coldly, and she waited patiently for some sort of snippy and sarcastic reply. But the longer she waited the more she was coming to realise Emma hadn’t planned on replying with something snippy, she hadn’t planned on replying anything at all.

Instead, a wash of nothing had draped over Emma’s once smug expression with a clean cut, sharpening her smile into something much sadder – but not quite a frown, and lighting her eyes with a dangerous kind of fear the brunette hadn’t seen in her acquaintance before today. And if Regina had dared to stare just a few seconds longer, she would have noticed the tightening of the blonde’s chest, the clenching of her teeth and muscles that were contracting in her neck with each hard swallow the blonde had used to clear the sudden lump.

But Regina hadn’t cared enough to keep her glaring because she was, for the most parts, happy her blonde acquaintance had managed to keep her mouth shut for longer than five seconds.

Emma, for the remaining time, was left only mumbling small thanks to fans and forcing a smile to separate her lips that would every so often reveal her perfectly placed teeth. But soon enough Regina felt that familiar gnawing in the pit of her stomach, it was rare for her to feel guilty for something – but perhaps her playing had been a little too much.

And then the brunette was laughing to herself, she hadn’t even said anything bad – and perhaps Emma was losing that fight in her Regina had immediately picked up on after meeting for the first time. Now, that did bring a small sad thought to cross her mind, for as much as she hated the blonde and everything about her, she happened to like the quarrelling and the arguments and the irritation she could bring to the pale actress. And if Emma was becoming soft it meant she would have to find someone else to fill that role.

 

* * *

 

When the autographs came to a sad close the two women walked away in silence, neither one daring to breathe or even look in the others direction, which came up a little awkward when the two found themselves being the only ones – bar Henry, who had only worsened the situation – in the hidden rooms. Their security hanging around the exits, but barely paying attention to what the actresses had occupied themselves with.

Emma had scrunched right into the furthest corner, her phone dangerously close to her face so to shield it from the non-existent people filling the room. That same blank expression hadn’t wavered, and the light of her phone was only emphasising the sudden nervousness twitching in the corner of her lips.

Regina engaged herself in some absent-minded conversation about rockets and space and _BuzzLightyear_ – something her son had become all too fond of over the past year or so.

And even through the insistent chattering of the young boy and the crashing of his rocket from one side of the room to the other, there was a silence so deafening between the women it was causing a rush of anxiety to prickle at the pale and tanned skin – a silence so strange and unfamiliar that it had Emma looking up every minute to check Regina hadn’t moved in preparation for a surprise attack.

Only she was surprised when, for the fifth time of looking up that minute, her own tired and stormy eyes had been tied with a string to join the brunettes darkened pools in a stare so threatening she felt a lump quickly form in the base of her throat.

Swallowing hard, she tangled her hands together around the metal of her phone – each finger clinging desperately onto one another as an uncomfortable swell of agitation was plaiting through her limbs and into her mind. She hadn’t the energy to pry her glare away from where it sat so comfortably now, and Regina clearly had no intentions of backing down first – _stubborn_ , Emma thought flippantly, and although she felt a heavy eye-roll trying to force itself out like you would feel a headache coming on, her eyes remained loyal to the tanned woman.

“ _Emma._ ”

She blinked furiously at the mention of her name, and her body that had once been cold with anticipation was suddenly being charged with a panicked kind of electricity.

Not moving a muscle, she followed the sound of her name with her eyes to see a scampering Henry hurtling himself directly towards her. And she wasn’t sure, but she thought she could hear a sigh escape his mother’s lips.

“My rocket,” he pointed down to where his rocket had been lying for god knows how long at the base of her dress. She moved then, a gasp only to be heard by her had dryly brushed against her lips as a smile laced them into something happier than the frown she had been wearing for so long.

He giggled a tiny giggle, noticing Emma’s lack of focus – waving his hand comedically in her direction in hopes of finally getting a reply or at least his toy back.

“You mean this?” she finally spoke up, a playful tone tickling her words as she reached down to replace her phone with the plastic toy. Receiving a gorgeous hum of laughter as Henry tiptoed forwards to retrieve it, only upon reaching out he found Emma had tugged it back with a wicked smile – lulling the boy to laugh louder and reach higher.

Emma had the rocket above her head with a small Henry barking at her waist – jumping high and full of hope, and even though it was scientifically almost impossible for him to have ever reached that height, he didn’t have the will to stop trying.

The blonde had finally felt genuine happiness spiralling through her mind for the first time the entire weekend, and she thought maybe nothing could spoil her mood – but once again she was proved completely wrong. “Just give him the toy,” Regina commanded from the other side of the room, her tone so strict and irritated but her voice only a low murmur. Henry hadn’t seemed to notice his mothers’ comment, still reaching for the rocket, but Emma had heard her as if Regina had whispered it right into her ear. And now she was back to staring at the only other woman in the room.

Regina hadn’t looked up from where she was eyeing her phone, clearly, she had nothing to stare at and Emma sniggered at the thought of Regina forcing herself to stare at a blank screen so not to look at the two of them playing.

“Here kid,” Emma finally gave in, placing the toy into the palms of his hands.

When he finished teasing and playing with her a little further, he finally found another part of the room he thought looked interesting enough for his rocket to explore. Emma took a few steps forward towards Regina, who had her back completely turned. But the gentle way in which the actress had shifted her weight made it clear to Emma she had heard her coming.

“We were only playing,” she offered, picking at the dessert table. She didn’t have to look over to Regina to know she had her full attention.

“He doesn’t _need_ you to play with him,” she mumbled back. It was petty, and Emma knew that, so she laughed a little under the pressure of a grape being squeezed between her lips. “I don’t know what it is you find so funny, you’re the one playing with an eight-year-old,” she sounded genuinely annoyed – a bitter flavour was left sitting on the tip of her tongue, strong enough that Emma could suddenly taste it in the air between them.

“ _You_ do,” Emma mumbled only to be brought back from her quiet sniggering to face the scowling brunette.

“Yes, because he’s my son. What’s your excuse?” her tongue was sharp, and her words were cutting the tension like a knife through cake.

“I- I don’t know, I like him I guess?” suddenly she was stuttering, feeling awkward for having to explain her relationship with the eight-year-old boy that sat playing only meters away from them as if it was anything more than innocent. “It wouldn’t be such a problem if it was anyone else playing with him,” and it was true, true enough for Regina to nod and finally actually agree with something the blonde had said.

“That’s probably because I have a problem with you Miss Swan,” she was smiling now, teasing her fingers over the dessert table.

“Come on, you can’t still seriously be mad at me for that coffee thing,” her blonde curls raced to reach her lower back as she swung her head to the side in frustration.

“ _That coffee thing_ ruined a $500 dress,” Regina gasped, still clearly holding a grudge against the incident. A mood so stubborn could be heard in her words and it lulled a small laugh to erupt from Emma’s throat.

“You’re too materialistic Regina,” Emma sighed.

“And you’re a bad listener,” Emma looked up confused.

“No I’m not?” she moaned, and Regina could only scoff and force an over dramatized eye roll before replying.

“Yes, you are, you’ve never once listened to my asking of you staying away from my son.”

“Oh that. No I heard you, I just choose to ignore it,” Emma laughed, and she could see Regina turning on her heel getting ready to fire out something more but being interrupted by the loud swing of the door and an even louder Zelena entering the room.

Emma popped another grape into her mouth before scurrying back to her corner to busy herself with something on her phone.

Regina eyed her movements carefully, biting on her tongue to stop herself from shouting out and instead engaging in some conversation Zelena had pulled herself into with Henry.

The two hadn’t made any further attempts at socialising for the rest of the time they stayed hidden in the room and made an extra effort to avoid any kind of contact for the rest of the convention.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, me again. I hope you like this chapter and thank you to everyone that's messaged me or left kudos, I really appreciate your kind words.

25/05/17

Regina fumbled aimlessly around her phone, fingers gingerly dancing above the screen as she hoped maybe she could find an instruction manual on how to work this damned app. And in the meantime, was having her head religiously pulled back by the hairstylist that was getting a little bored of her clients insistent bowing of her head and frustrated groans that would cause her whole body to shake.

The brunette winced as the tugging became something a little more malicious than it had been before, taking the hint and placing her phone in her lap. She could deal with that some other time.

But there hadn’t been enough talking to distract the brunette from the app she had no idea how to work, she could barely even remember the name – Chatsnaps? Snapshot? It was a completely ridiculous app that made absolutely no sense, with no clear instructions and it had Regina absolutely reeling that she couldn’t figure it out with the first try.

“ _Stupid_ ,” she spat out to the phone, eyes rolling simultaneously and hand tapping in frustrated beats along her thigh.

It hadn’t been her idea to use this infuriatingly dumb platform, but her manager said it would enforce a better more intimate relationship with her fans and with that Regina had jumped at the opportunity. But now all she could see was red, as again she gripped at her phone, playing a dangerous game with the hairstylist who had a tight grip on Regina’s dark hair – so she played this round a little more cautious.

She held the phone out with the full length of her arms so that it was in balance with her eye line and so she wouldn’t have to bend over and get another furious tug to sit back up. And still, no matter how long she had glared at the app and how hard she had been willing for it to just work all by itself, the screen remained blank.

“You just click the circle to take a picture and hold it down for a video,” her hairstylist had mumbled. She met his gaze in the mirror, her lips tingling with a thank you but her mind too proud to say anything.

So instead a soft smile grazed her cheeks as she continued to do as she was told. And after what felt like centuries the woman had finally taken a photo. Not the most flattering to say the least, because she hadn’t expected it to be so sudden, but a picture at last.

Her smallish smile was spreading into a much wider grin, finally feeling like she could do anything once again. So, after being taught how to, she took another, posing this time with a slight pout and a playful scowl, only getting her stylists hands in the shot as she noticed he was wearing a glare that meant his patience was wearing thin.

Within moments she was posting the photo to her story and finally she felt a little more at ease, placing the phone back to her lap and allowing the rest of her hair be done in peace.

It hadn’t been a long trip to the venue, and she had been non-stop snapchatting, as her stylist had called it, and getting the hang of filters and videos and relishing on the idea of keeping her fans in the loop.

She met Zelena there and seeing her ginger friend suddenly reminded her of how much she was missing Henry. Not that she would be gone long, and she wasn’t far from home – but she’d decided to leave him with his nanny for the evening – which made sense, and it was the smart motherly decision she would expect but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

They sauntered in, linked by their arms and chained into a beat they could walk to in unison. Only Regina’s step had been a little off key upon entering the room – her eyes glossing over a corner of the box she had mentally made a note to stay away from.

Emma’s usual curls that splayed messily down her pale shoulders had been pulled into a low pony tail, the kinks straightened so that the hair looked silky. Regina noticed how awkward the woman had been standing, a spaghetti strap black dress clung to her frail figure, roping around her limbs and tightening to reveal her curves – the possessive nature in which the dress hugged her almost looked non-consensual as the blonde every so often pulled at the material so that it would hang a little looser. And when that hadn’t worked, she grudgingly wrapped her arms around her waist – using the black jacket she had resting on her arm as a barrier to any naked eyes that would pry at her almost bare body.  

Regina stopped with her staring, being conscious of those around her and realising almost a little too late that she had been near enough gawping at the woman she was supposed to hate. Zelena, as always, noticed things Regina hadn’t wanted anyone to notice. And soon enough a pale hand was picking at the tanned arm that had been loosely linked.

“If you’re going to pounce on her at least warn me so I can steady my balance,” Zelena laughed, and she pulled a glare from the dark eyes that had already been melting into her.

But yet again, against her own will, Regina was bringing that glare to meet the blonde who had seemingly not noticed the two women entering the smallish room.

“What are you on about?” Regina barked out, knowing exactly what Zelena had meant but was too in-denial to delve deeper into the topic alone.

“One second longer of your staring and you might start drooling, Regina,” she hummed, mocking her much smaller friend and wrapping a single finger around her chin to shut the gap melding into the pink stained lips. “You’ll catch flies keeping your mouth open like that, you could at least be a _little_ subtle when you check her out,” she laughed again, but stopped abruptly when Regina pulled out of their little bubble – an offended frown painting her lips.

“I was doing no such thing,” she sounded breathless and guilty – like a child trying to lie its way out of getting into trouble. But _consciously_ Regina hadn’t been checking Emma out, that was the last thing she would have ever wanted to do, and-

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself,” she lashed out, interrupting her own thoughts as they started to become loud and messy. Hoping shutting down her still laughing friend would silence her mind – but all she had become was confused.

Zelena was wearing a knowing smirk but held her hands up in defeat – ushering for Regina to join her side once more.

Regina hadn’t made contact with the blonde for most of the time they spent in that room, she conversed with network directors and other actors she had met briefly at prior events, but majority of the time kept to her own.

And seemingly the blonde had done the same, and in those very small moments that Regina would feel herself catching a glimpse of the blonde ponytail in the back – she noticed how uncomfortable the woman had looked, how she almost looked ill and pale and sickly and despite everything she felt an impossibly small amount of sympathy fall against her will into the pit of her stomach. But each time that would happen she was distracted by some random conversation Zelena had pulled them both into.

As moments went by and meaningless conversations came to an end Regina found herself playing with that damned app she had suddenly felt comfortable on.

She was whispering gently into the camera “I’m backstage at the upfronts!” she started before swirling the camera around, so the slowly dispersing crowds were in full view.

“The ABC up front’s and look who’s here!” she continued, the camera had full view of the room, and only after having finished recording did she notice Emma had been caught in the back. Regina stared closer and noticed Emma’s eyes rolling before she had purposely removed herself from the view of Regina’s recording.

She glared up to find Emma staring just as hard back, a fix on the brunettes’ movements so frozen Regina thought she could feel the cold dripping through her limbs.

The blonde hadn’t even meant to be here, but she was accompanying her fiancé. Who come to think of it, was nowhere in sight, which Regina thought was strange enough as Killian had always ravished the thought of being centre of attention, without taking into consideration that actually _no one_ wanted him to be.

The brunette’s eyes rolled unwillingly at the thought of him, but she still staring at Emma. So naturally the blonde had had assumed it was meant for her, letting the exasperated and purposely loud sigh turn her into some random conversation so that she didn’t have to engage in the uncomfortable encounter any longer.

Regina mimicked the sigh but hadn’t moved from the corner she’d isolated herself in.

Instead she messaged Henry’s nanny, Mary-Margaret, so she could complete her annual hourly check on her son. Only to be irritated by the obnoxiously cheery reply and overuse of kisses and exclamation marks.

But her heart did swell with a fondness upon receiving a photo of him building his own rocket in

Lego, and with that she felt a smile slip so effortlessly onto her cheeks to replace the irritated frown.

“That’s cute.”

Regina groaned, knowing exactly who had made the comment and snapping her phone shut, primal instinct kicking in as she dared to glance up and be met with a smiling Emma.

Her pale body had been leant forward a little to get a glimpse of the picture, giving Regina’s glaring eyes full view of the blonde’s chest – the dress not leaving much for the imagination and the heat and anger from her scowling could have been horribly mistaken for something else entirely if she had been caught. But for the first time she had felt herself having to force her eyes away, peeling them back up to Emma’s face.

An eyebrow cocked to match a smirk on her pale cheeks, Regina couldn’t help but sigh with

irritation.

“It’s rude to read over someone’s shoulder,”

“Well _technically_ I didn’t read anything, and _technically_ I wasn’t looking at it over your shoulder.”

“I could have been doing anything on my phone Miss Swan,” she offered – offended and annoyed and instantly she was drawing it back to hide the screen from nosy idiots, regrettably gaining a laugh from the woman in front who had taken Regina’s’ reply as an invitation to join her against the wall. The two slid together with a weirdly large gap between them – but still neither one edged closer to get rid of it.

 

* * *

 

“Well that’s a lie, that smiles _only_ reserved for Henry,” she knew she was right, and Regina knew she was right, and it infuriated the brunette to the point where she was ready to fight. “And besides, what could Regina Mills have possibly been doing that’s so scandalous in such a public place?” she was teasing her words out now, her eyes fluttering down to the black screen and slowly back up to Regina’s scowl – a smile being bitten playfully by her pearly teeth as she did so.

“I don’t know what it is you’re suggesting Miss Swan, but I would much rather you go irritate someone else” Regina bit back, being cautious of those around them and who might dip into the conversation. 

And this time when Emma laughed, the brunette was watching – paying close attention to the details. Her smile widened, only by an inch or two. But an inch or two that would make an entire difference to her whole expression. And how her eyes crinkled at the edges, and how her shoulders would bob up and down, surprisingly unruly, as the laugh continued to echo into the room.

And then she noticed how in that moment she hadn’t minded the laugh, she hadn’t wanted to frown or sigh or moan, she hadn’t wanted to tease or mock the blonde and instead she wanted to laugh alongside her. But those few seconds went by quickly and the brunette was bitch slapped back into her harsh reality where the two would never get along.

“And here I was thinking this was the start of something beautiful.”

Regina scoffed at the remark, turning to take another look at the crowds and this time being met with a hungry kind of beady eyed glare. Zelena had caught the pair and was smiling a wide smile from the other side of the room, causing Regina to instantly move away just a few inches more from the blonde – just in case her friend had any other ideas or absurd comments to add. 

“How is he?” a now distant voice called out, and Regina still hadn’t broken the eye contact with Zelena – her head turning but eyes remaining loyal to the ginger mane, feeling frightened that if she were to glance away for longer than a second, she would pounce on the two and make this whole thing worse than it already was.

“What?” the brunette asked in return, continuously getting lost in thought and barely paying attention to the woman who sat at an even weirder distance from her now.

“Henry. How is he?” Emma asked again, a sigh lacing through her words as she could sense the genuine lack of interest in the woman beside her, instead of the usual playful ignoring she’d gotten accustomed to.

“He’s fine,” Regina’s voice was a low murmur, so much quieter than the thoughts that were racing loudly in her mind, she hadn’t been paying close enough attention to have some sort of sarcastic reply. And Emma couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened when she hadn’t received some snippy come back about it being none of her business.

So, for a few moments the two sat in silence, until a rather loud Killian had appeared from absolutely nowhere.

Regina caught his appearance in the corner of her eye and groaned, loudly.

“Always a pleasure to see you too Regina” he mocked, taking that same attitude Emma had always approached Regina with, but for some reason whenever he did it, it just made the woman want to punch him clean in the nose instead of tease back.

In fact, whenever he spoke it caused a thread of anger to tingle in the tips of her fingers, and the temptation to fight him was always pushed to the very front of her mind.

She ignored his remark, replying with an eye roll instead – yet again inching further away from the couple. It was bad enough she had to see this scumbag near enough every day on set, so she had no intentions of spending her valuable time with him socially.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Killian was whining like a child, pawing at Emma with his clammy hands and, was that alcohol? Regina turned her head sharply, it was. A thick and sickening blanket of rum filled the air, it was clear in the way he stumbled to press clumsily against the blonde as well. He’d been here all of five minutes and already he was a floundering mess.

An embarrassment.

“I was stood right here this whole time Killian,” she argued back, her response blunt and short. Regina could see that Emma could sense the sickly smell of alcohol too as her nose was shrinking and her lips were pursing together as if she were scared that any second she could throw up everywhere. She was trying her hardest to push his hands away, but Regina could tell she hadn’t wanted to create a scene so was failing miserably in keeping him off her.

Killian had no intentions of keeping this subtle, with his insistent touching and groping and the way he had Emma pinned against the wall made Regina’s stomach churn with something much deeper than the anger she felt before.

A different kind of instinct than she hadn’t expected to feel with Emma kicked in automatically as Regina noticed the pained look melting and dripping from Emma’s eyes – that same smile she was wearing moments before had suddenly become hollow and empty as she fake laughed at his jokes and reluctantly gave into his violating study of her body. 

“I think Gold was looking for you Killian,” Regina chimed in, momentarily gaining the man’s attention before it was put heavily back onto his frail looking fiancé.

“Gold can wait”

“Gold _doesn’t_ wait, and you know that” she argued back, and like a child Killian moaned – taking his hands-off Emma so to push his weight from pinning her to the wall.

He groaned again, winking at the blonde and waving to the brunette as he skulked off to find Gold, who hadn’t actually been wanting to see him at all – but it was all Regina could muster up as an excuse for the time being.

“Emma. I-” Regina had tried to start once the man-boy was out of ear shot, she didn’t know where she wanted to take it and she had no idea why she was saying anything but the woman’s name had just slipped out unwillingly.

It hadn’t mattered, because the blonde was suddenly hysterical, leaping from the wall as she not so subtly interrupted anything Regina was going to continue to say.

“What?” she commanded, her eyes squaring into Regina’s before they shot downwards like missiles, clinging angrily to the brunette’s pink tainted lips as she dared her to say another word.

“I just-” but again she hadn’t been allowed to continue as Emma was already marching off into another room, not uttering another word and leaving Regina completely clueless of what the hell just happened.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t unusual for the guests to have gotten drunk to the point their conversations where just muffled nonsense, but Regina had other things on her mind and hadn’t intended on staying longer than a couple of hours, so she found it pointless to even attempt at listening.

Not that anyone would have minded her absence, she hadn’t exactly been the topic of conversation throughout the evening – she was rarely even invited to _join_ the conversation, but people had put up with her being there as they were rather fond of her much brighter and more energised ginger friend.

 

She’d found a quieter corner of the dimly lit room, but she could hear Zelena’s laugh from a mile off and for some strange reason it was mildly comforting, but the instantly recognisable cawing of another much more annoying and much deeper British accent had been just as loud – and that had caused an unreachable itch to crawl at the base of her neck.

Her eyes prowled around the room, and much to no-one’s surprise, Killian Jones held the floor with the men circling him putty in his hands – a twinkle of admiration in their eyes and laughs so loud they were only boosting the man’s already overflowing ego.

Emma, even at her best, could easily be the most infuriating person Regina had come across in a long time but that was nowhere near a good enough explanation as to why she had settled for someone so horrendous to be around.

With further inspection, Regina noticed Emma wasn’t part of the pathetic little congregation surrounding Killian, she didn’t even seem to be in the room and actually, Regina hadn’t seen her since the blonde stormed off from their earlier conversation.

She shrugged off the thought, edging around the groups of people so she could slip quietly into the bathroom – hoping that five minutes of peace would be enough to get her through the rest of this damned night.

But with each step she took, she felt that same numbing pain tingling under her skin – itching as it tried desperately to claw itself out to reach the surface. Regina had fought it off as best she could, but still felt her eyes gloss over with tears so hot she thought her face would start melting if they were allowed to fall freely from drowning in their prison. 

“Regina!” Zelena near about screamed the woman’s name, and Regina responded to her call – stopping in her attempted exit before turning on her heel, she sighed. “Drink this” her friend was thrusting a glass of something in Regina’s direction immediately after approaching her, and the brunette smiled a small smile before taking it – being cautious in sipping at first as she wasn’t sure it wouldn’t cause that sickness to finally spew into reality, but the familiar flavour of expensive champagne coating her lips was enough to make her take it all down in one.

A wide eyed Zelena started laughing at her friend’s sudden eagerness to drink, taking the empty glass and dropping it onto the nearest table without prying her glare from Regina’s unmoving body.

“Is everything okay?” she seemed a little worried, but her loud voice and the hum of laughter that accompanied her words made the question a whole lot less serious.

“Why wouldn’t it be” the brunette mumbled, her bottom lip being sucked at and torn apart. Her hand was reaching out to grip at her opposite arm – fingernails digging in deep at the contact, and Regina was sure they would leave half-moon shaped dents in the skin that lay victim beneath her hold.

Perhaps it was because someone had finally asked what was wrong that caused the darkness to blanket around her figure again, perhaps she was overtired or maybe it was something else entirely, something she really hadn’t wanted to dig into. But that unforgiving sadness was sweeping through her limbs, twining itself into her mind and once more she felt that bitter cold bristle against her soft skin.

Soon enough her vision was clouded, and it was hard to make out where she was, her mind was brimming with impossible thoughts and that blanket of darkness had snaked its way around her neck – she was suffocating, and she had no idea why.

Zelena clicked instantly, smiling a smile that made it clear she was so unsure on what to do before acting on instinct and pulling her friend into the bathroom.

“You look like you’re going to combust Regina,” Zelena whispered, battering at Regina with her words in hopes the brunette would just cave and tell her what the hell had happened in the ten minutes they’d been apart.

But Regina had always been stubborn, and although the two were close they were never very good at communicating – so for a while they just stood in silence, with the echoing sounds of the drunkards outside the door drowning the conversation.

“I’m tired,” was all that was offered, but her voice was so small, so dainty that even Zelena knew that wasn’t the truth. And she sighed, a long and heavy sigh – making it clear that she was looking for an answer other than that. “And I miss Henry,” she added, releasing her arm from the wrath of her hand and swinging it with as much force as humanly possible – a smile marrying her movements and a laugh ringing out into the nothingness of the room.

“I’m fine, really!” she continued to laugh, almost to the point that it was getting a little weird – but she turned and stopped at the mirror to check her makeup. Noticing the tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. She chose to ignore that, and instead busied her shaking hands with reapplying the wine coloured lipstick.

But she could still feel the burning gaze of Zelena’s eyes boring into her side.

“Has it got something to do with Em-”

“It has nothing to do with anything.”

The taller woman was thrown completely off her sentence because Regina knew exactly where the end of that question was headed, and she had no intentions of answering it once it had been asked. The ginger had some weird obsession with herself and Emma, some ideas that Regina hadn’t wanted to entertain. She instead glared to her friend as her words started spilling impatiently out of her lips. She stood, resting her hands on the bathroom side with only the top half of her body twisting her attention to the woman who looked unpleased with Regina’s responses.

Zelena gave a smile back, stepping lightly forwards as her arms started to reach out from her sides but the way Regina’s eyes grew and the way her body had stiffened told Zelena that perhaps now wasn’t the time for a hug.

“Come find me when you’re ready to go home and we’ll leave together,” she spoke instead, lingering a few moments longer to see if the brunette would speak up. But after having realised tonight wouldn’t be that night, she left. And Regina was abandoned in a somehow even quieter silence. 

But hearing the click of the door only ushered the tears to finally fall – no matter how hard Regina had fought and how quickly her fingers had dabbed at the wetness, the tears kept spilling down her cheeks. An aching kind of silent sob was caving through her chest, and all she could do to help herself was hold the place her heart was supposed to be resting. Instead it was beating a hundred miles an hour, a sticky kind of darkness was icing through her and melting like thick tar.

Tears shamelessly stained her dull cheeks, thin lines of dread and regret blistering her skin and scaring her heart and as soon as she thought her crying had stopped, the drying wounds were filling with a familiar salty, warm liquid once more.

The edges of her fingers grazed the water, pushing the drops away in hopes of stopping the endless stream of hurt but her eyes fought harder and soon a waterfall was gushing. A painful but silent sob erupted from her chest, echoing out into nothing and being heard by no one.

She really had no idea why she was crying, she had no idea why she had been feeling so down recently but for now that didn’t matter because what happened next was far worse than anything she’d been subconsciously battling.

The creak of the bathroom stall was verging on silent, but the tiny tapping of heels on the tiled floor caused a sobbing Regina to jump and turn to see Emma shamefully stood at the cubicle door.

The brunette cursed under her breath, turning upon seeing the frowning woman and praying that the blonde would just mind her damned business, willing the thought hard enough she was sure her head would explode. But clearly her prayers had not been heard, or had just been arrogantly ignored like everything else she had ever wished for, because Emma stayed. 

Regina was patting furiously at her tear stained cheeks, forgetting for second in her panic that maybe that was the stupidest idea she could have acted upon, for the white on the sleeve of her dress was turning a distinct shade of black, and that alone had forced a very hearable sigh to envelope the air the two women stood in.

Regina felt Emma tiptoe to stand beside her, turning the faucet on before rinsing her hands slowly in the waterfall. And then she had felt a breath puff from the blondes opening and closing lips, Regina only assuming Emma had been searching for something to say.

And again, Regina sighed.

“If you have something to say, just say it. Don’t just stand there like an idiot,” Regina muttered, her chest hurting with each word she spat out as her heart was still threatening to explode with another unstoppable round of tears.

“I was just going to ask if you were okay,” Emma had taken her glare from deepening into the brunette to focus on her own mess of a face in the mirror opposite.

“Well that’s an impossibly stupid thing to ask,” she mocked, feeling a little bit of the pressure ease from her chest as she found a new focus in how blatantly idiotic the blonde could be and now, she was laughing a little. Her eyes stinging a little less and her frown curling into something less painful than. “I think you already have the answer to your own question Emma,” Regina added in a small irritated mumble.

There was a beat of silence before anyone had uttered another word, and Regina thought that maybe she had lucked out and Emma would finally just leave.

“Okay, well then whats wrong?” the blonde was turning fully now, her words were a little more assertive than those of before.

Regina’s eyes squeezed themselves shut, and her hands were tightening on the faucet before she had finally found the will to turn and meet her blonde acquaintance.

“I’m tired, but not that that’s any of your business,” Regina scoffed. She hadn’t taken in much of Emma’s appearance upon turning and instead her worries were lying much with herself, but the longer she waited for a reply the longer she had to stare and the more she started to realise that this hadn’t been a general visit to the bathroom for Emma either.

Regina noticed black stains bruising the underneath of Emma’s already stormy eyes. And how those same half circles had small trails of that black elixir running unforgivingly dark lines across her cheeks. They’d somehow been rubbed away without having disturbed the makeup that lay perfectly beneath their marks.

Her own eyes were tracing the tracks until they fell on her lips, the reddish colour Emma had been wearing at the start of the night had been wiped viciously clean – leaving only a pale tint behind on the trembling flesh. And now she was focusing on that same sickly complexion she had seen right at the start of the event, it was flooding Emma’s cheeks, a frown melting deeper into her face as Regina’s prying became something more intimate than when she had just been waiting for a response.

But that’s all she had been able to capture, for the blonde had turned abruptly on the heels of her feet.

Going back to the cubicle and re-appearing just as quickly with a mound of tissue to hand.

She was thrusting it towards Regina, who had pulled her eyes to meet the offering. Her mind racing with thoughts filled with nothing but also everything at the same time. And the next time she had brought her gaze back up to meet Emma’s she found the green eyes finding home in anything other than Regina’s stare.

Regina took the tissue, dabbing silently at her eyes – feeling Emma’s glare burning inexplainable holes into her side. But what was even stranger was how weirdly comforting the whole situation was slowly becoming for the two of them as they silently embraced one another’s unspoken sadness. 

“Why are you hiding in here?” Regina finally asked. Breaking the silence, but not for one second going to meet Emma’s eyes.

“I’m not hiding,” Emma argued folding her rope like arms around her waist as she backed herself slowly into the wall.

“Right.”

Emma sighed at Regina’s response, stepping light steps towards the woman who had put all her focus on trying to fix her makeup.

“Do you ever get tired Regina?” she asked, it was so random and the lilt in her voice was so genuinely curious that Regina hadn’t been able to reply within the same beat.

It was that, and how suddenly close the blonde had gotten that sent a bitter dry to hurricane through her throat.

“Of?” she finally gulped out, pushing off of the sink so that she could lean into the side and face Emma. Trying hard to decipher where the hell this conversation was headed.

The blonde was unreadable, she almost looked emotionless but the sadness swirling like pools of lost hope was giving everything away and suddenly Regina felt an unfamiliar swell of sorrow erupt in the pit of her empty stomach – automatically she reached to hold it tight, hoping the small comfort would silence the pain.

“I don’t know, everything I guess,” Emma sighed in her response, and it was then that Regina could smell that sickly-sweet scent alcohol, and suddenly things were slowly starting to piece themselves together. Her eyes fluttered shut and a sigh was forming in the base of her throat, slowly slipping out through her lips and in return gaining a frown from Emma.

“Like, life, you know? Sometimes I just think about what my life could have been if I’d made some better decisions,” the gloss of sadness swimming in her eyes started to get deeper, and Regina could see Emma was making a conscious decision not to blink, because if she had those pools would be spilling like an endless stream of hopelessness. Neither one of the two had wanted that, this situation was already becoming far too uncomfortable and intimate for them both.

She knew there was something more to what Emma had been trying to say than just _life_ , but she had no intentions of finding that out. Regina ignored the cry of pain that was swirling at a fast pace in her stomach with each waking moment, she gripped at the tightening muscles with a harder hold.

“You’re drunk Emma,” Regina accused, a sigh still lingering in her words – lacing around each syllable and for some reason Emma thought that maybe the brunette was disappointed. Frustration was mapping Regina’s features, painting itself into existence and choking the blonde who stood at the other end of the room.

“So what if I am? That’s nothing to do with you,” her voice was rising and falling almost instantly when she remembered where they were and that the wooden door separating them from the crowds outside wasn’t soundproof enough to cloud their arguing.

“You should go home,” there was something in her words that was completely foreign to both women, something that sounded an awful lot like Regina was starting to care for the blonde, and that frightened her more than anything. So, she snapped almost immediately after having the taste of kindness tingle on the tip of her tongue for a moment too long. “You’ll only embarrass yourself more than you already have staying here any longer, you look a state,” Regina spat out.

“That’s exactly what I mean, that right there!” Emma was leaping forwards, pointing an accusing finger directly into Regina’s lips and stopping where the tip of her nail was almost close enough to touch the flesh. The brunette had been all sorts of confused and scoffed at the remark, but she hadn’t been given permission to ask any further questions for the blonde continued. “Don’t you ever get tired of that? Of just being a huge _bitch_ all of the fucking time?” the blonde was whining and suddenly Regina could hear the alcohol slurring her words as her sentences were melding untidily into one long messy ramble of nonsense.

“That’s quite an accusation coming from you Emma.” Regina pushed Emma’s hand away with an aggressive swat of her hand.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means whatever you want it to mean, now if you could kindly remove yourself. I have better things to be doing.”

“Oh, you mean like going back out there to all your _friends_ , to all those people that are probably worried sick because you’ve been gone for so long?” Emma was being intentionally cruel, her insults layered in a thick sarcasm that was almost too violent for her tongue to fit around neatly. Both women knew how the brunette hadn’t even been a passing thought in that room, and her disappearance would certainly not have been missed.

Regina hadn’t let the blonde see how hurt she was steeling her expression and instead she forced her anger to pour through her body in hopes Emma would back the hell off, but when the blonde hadn’t complied to her silent orders she spoke up.

“Go home Emma,” Regina made an attempt in getting away but was tugged at aggressively by thin fingers. She grunted loudly, trying to burn the tight grip off with her glare but it only made Emma tighten the hold as she desperately searched for something to say.

But the actresses hadn’t said another word. But Regina could see there was a painful look in her eyes, something that told her she knew exactly what she wanted to say. And she did, Emma had so many thoughts she wanted to spill out onto the glaring women who was getting more impatient by the second.

The words were all there piled onto her tongue ready in waiting but nothing would form into something she could speak into existence, nothing that would make sense at least. Nothing would empty from her opening mouth, and eventually Regina got tired of waiting for an explanation and pulled at her wrist. Freeing herself and finally escaping the bathroom without looking back.

 

The brunette sought out her friend, a frustrated growl mapping her words as she told the ginger they were leaving. The two had gone to their separate homes in silence, Zelena knew better than to pry when Regina had gotten into one of her legendary moods, and Regina had no intentions on making small talk for the sake of keeping the journey from anything but silent.

 

 

* * *

 

 01/06/17

Another day another con. A slow one at that. All seemingly bigger than the last.

Regina was yawning towards the end of the day, and she hadn’t got Henry to keep her company whilst she hid from fans in-between panels and autographs, so she sat silently and awkwardly waiting for time to pass faster than it currently had been.

Emma was also alone on the other side of the room, scrunched into a corner, but the brunette had been far from turning to start any form of conversation – she wasn’t that desperate, not even for an argument. She thought back to the upfronts, and how dangerously close Emma had gotten to actually hurting her feelings.

And that was all the more reason to avoid the blonde completely.

Instead she busied her mind with something on her phone. Scrolling half heartedly thought her twitter feed.

Only peering up from the screen to see Emma being handed a bubbling glass of champagne. She scoffed without even thinking, looking back down to her phone. And perhaps her laugh had been a little too loud in that rather empty and quiet room because Emma picked up on it straight away.

“What?” Emma called out.

Regina took a moment to even show she had heard the blonde, a smile drifting onto her lips.

“What?”

“What’s so funny?” Emma was irritated, and Regina could feel the argument settling automatically between them.

“I don’t think I have to start explaining myself to you.”

“Well you do when you’re laughing at _me_.”

“I could have been laughing at anything. My whole world doesn’t revolve around you Miss Swan,” Emma was silent for a moment.

“So, you just happened to be looking directly at me whilst you were laughing at something else?” This time Regina stayed quiet for a beat.

“I was just wondering whether it’s smart for you to be drinking,” Regina had pulled a glare so angry she could feel the heat building in the room.

“And what the fuck do you mean by that Regina?” Emma was sighing out a small laugh, but she knew exactly what Regina had been referring too. Her words toppling into the drink she had taken another stubborn sip from – as if to prove some stupid point. Regina sighed, adjusting herself on the stool that was quickly becoming uncomfortable beneath her.

“I was just concerned about you not knowing your limit. Especially after the other night,” Regina hadn’t taken the time to see Emma’s face crumple into something so angry and hurt it was practically its own person.

“I’m not _yours_ to be concerned about. And I can control my drinking,” Emma spat through a bitter murmur. Regina hadn’t replied she hadn’t even looked up to the blonde and instead only offered a cock of her eyebrow, as if to discredit Emma’s argument. “You know what, I’m sick of this.”

Regina sat up straight when she heard Emma slam her glass onto the table, her eyes forcing Regina to keep contact.

“I am sick of _you_ ,” Emma continued, her words becoming even more dangerous. Bleeding out with some sort of vicious poison.

“Well if you hadn’t noticed, I’m not too keen on you either Miss Swan,” Regina smiled, trying to lessen the seriousness that the conversation had just become.

“You just think you’re _so_ above me. Newsflash, you’re not.” Emma was smiling now, but hers was a little crueller in nature. “Look. I’m sorry for-” she paused, looking around to make sure there weren’t any prying ears. “For what I said the other night, I wasn’t in my right mind,” she offered finally looking a little less angry.

“I don’t need your apologies Emma, but you’re right. You weren’t in your right mind,” Regina scoffed, feeling a want to go back and busy herself with something, anything other than engage in this conversation. Emma sighed, and Regina watched her cheeks flood with a darkening red.

“Every time I try with you…every time I try to get on some sort of level playing field you just act like such a bitch and shut me out,” Emma was breathless in her arguing and Regina could feel the blonde giving up with each word – her anger sounding tiredly drained.

“Have you ever thought about the possibility that I don’t _want_ you to try with me,” Regina bit out. “Oh wait, I forget you only ever think about what _you_ want.”

 “You can pretend all you like Regina, but I see you smiling when I come into the room.” Emma accused, cocking an eyebrow playfully.

“What? No- no I don’t. You’re sorely mistaking my grimace for a smile Miss Swan,” Regina was stuttering, finding excuses for something she hadn’t even known she was doing. She really was in no mood to be battling with Emma over how she felt.

There was an added moment of silence before Emma had piped up again, receiving an irritated groan from Regina who sat rigid on the other side of the room.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Regina scowled to the blonde, who’d in turn put her hands up as an act of surrender.

“You can’t seriously, _actually_ hate me because I spilt some coffee on your _expensive_ dress.”

In that moment Emma had never sounded so naïve and that angered Regina more than anything.

“This stopped being about a dress a long time ago,” she shouted aggressively enough that it forced the security to turn on their heels ready to pounce on the actresses in defence. Only to awkwardly turn once more upon seeing it had been the two women arguing.

“Then please, enlighten me. Tell me what it is I do _so wrong_.”

“Why do you care, Emma.”

“Because Regina, once a upon a time I thought maybe we could be friends. That maybe we could get along, but every stupid day we spend together you convince me otherwise,” Emma sounded genuinely upset, even a little frustrated.

“You thought we could be friends?” Regina tried to mask her sudden sadness with a scoff, although the lump in her throat was hardening and getting more and more difficult to swallow. Emma hadn’t replied but her head bobbed in a small nod, her shoulders shrugging, her nerves were swallowing her movements.

“Well, not anymore. But that’s exactly what you wanted right? So, no big deal,” Emma got up from her chair, looking down to her watch – sighing as she realised she was needed elsewhere.

“Emma,” Regina croaked out through a voice so tiny it was barely even loud enough for her to hear.

The blonde swallowed hard before she forced her eyes to look up from the watch and meet Regina’s glare.

“I don’t hate you,” Regina could only whisper. Her tongue was desperate to keep the words from escaping, but her mind was so set on letting Emma know that maybe, on some twisted level, she really didn’t hate her all that much. No matter how much she tried to convince herself. She bit back her tongue immediately after speaking. Emma waited a moment, assessing the situation. Her frown softening into something sadder.

“I have to go.”

Regina felt herself sink into the chair as a sickness was dripping like a dizzy kind of regret into her limbs. She took in a hard breath, trying to focus on anything other than that short conversation.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this updates a little late, my wifi was playing up last night and the webpage was freaking out. But anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, and again thank you for the all the wonderful comments, messages I've received and for reading in general!!

27/06/17

_We regret to inform you that due to a schedule change, Emma Swan will no longer be able to attend the Saturday, or the Sunday of our convention as planned – any photo ops bought for either of these days should be refunded within the next couple of weeks. #LCC2017_

There had been this one, and three others before it – complete replicates of one another and Regina had half a thought that the cons were just copying and pasting the apology tweets so to save energy. They probably had the message already drafted and ready to tweet, giving a knowing sigh after being informed that their suspicions had been proved correct – Emma Swan would no longer be attending their convention.

And unfortunately, not all cons had the luxury, or the will for that matter, to refund every single photo op or autograph sold. That had been something Regina had had the joy of witnessing first-hand, her mentions on social media having been filled with tweets of outrage, as for some reason she had always been dragged into the anger and torment meant for Emma and the event planners as if there was anything she could do.

A sigh was dripping lazily from her lips and her eyes were drooping with a tired kind of drag. She hadn’t had much rest, for the end of one con only meant the start of another. She’d been driven from London to Birmingham within the same twenty-four hours of having finished her first and only day of London Comic Con and the insistent chattering and joking and whining from her son had caused an exhausted strain to tug with its nimble fingers at her throat and arms and legs and every inch of her body that could possibly be manipulated in some way or another.

She hadn’t as of yet lost her temper with him, once or twice she would find herself snapping but would have to recite a gentle reminder to herself that this was his first time being _so_ far from home, so it was only natural for a boy as young as him to be filled with adrenaline and be pumping with excitement – but she had just wished he would do it silently.

This con was a lot smaller than the comic cons she had been touring for what felt like months on end, this one being limited to her show – not that it made the weekend any less draining and she hoped to god they would be allowed ten minutes to rest or she might actually find herself personally ripping the heads off of anyone who would even mildly, and _inevitably_ , piss her off.

Henry was bouncing off the walls, greeting the hotel staff and leading his much less enthusiastic mother through the lobby as they were quietly led to their room. The tight hold on her hand and an even tighter grin on his chubby cheeks was melting through her tired exterior.

As they settled into the room, Regina sighed once more. Feeling a little more excited about being in Europe with her absolutely favourite person in the whole world and seeing him so genuinely happy and so full of life brought nothing more than a glow of content to echo into her mind. Slowly the tiredness was draining with a gentle trill until she was left with only a kind smile to bring into the conversation she had drearily entertained her son with.

“I’ve booked a table for half 7,” she proposed in reply to Henry’s sudden crying out for food, standing from where she had fallen and pacing over to her suitcase as she began to unpack the mountain of clothes. She had never quite learnt how to pack less than six different outfits for a single weekend no matter how many cons she continued to attend.

Regina had made sure her son had eaten before they had set off for the separate con, but his two-hour long nap meant he was bursting with energy and had a sudden need to be fed again for some annoying reason. The jet lag couldn’t have been much help to his irritable mood either.

“That’s so long away,” he groaned, falling deep into the bed he had been sat on the edge of for the time they spent in that little room. A muffled thump accompanying his fall as the rocket he could never seem to part with had retreated into the sheets in the same defeatist manner.

Regina scoffed a little under her breath at Henry’s sudden attitude, hands gluing angrily to her hips as she took small steps to stand over her son.

He had made it clear he was sulking, his arms crossed firmly across his chest as he avoided eye contact with his just as stubborn mother. Regina couldn’t hold back a laugh as she leapt forwards to jab and tickle his ribs, attacking his body without mercy and receiving such a heart-warming string of laughter that was erupting loudly from his small body.

He was struggling to push her hands away, gasping for breaths with each tug. For a moment his laughter went silent and Regina was worried for a short second before Henry had eventually scrambled to freedom from his mother’s unforgiving hands. He’d scrunched right up to the opposite end of the bed, trying to make the distance as large as possible between himself and Regina.

“It’s half an hour Henry, I think you’ll manage,” she replied with that playfully warning tone lacing her words, Henry was cautious of the hands that sat between them – preparing himself for another surprise attack as he tried hard to regain the breath Regina had taken as her own so quickly.

But she tiptoed back to her bag, and at the same time she heard her son sigh a small sigh of relief as the threat of being attacked again was no longer active. She continued to unpack with a smile loyal to her cheeks before her phone had vibrated on the bedside table. Henry reached to get it first, trying to read the name out but was very clearly struggling.

“Where are you glasses?” Regina questioned disapprovingly, bending forwards over the bed to retrieve the phone.

“You never wear yours,” he whined.

“I wear them when I have to Henry.”

Henry rolled his eyes to himself as he tried to be discreet in giving any more attitude, but the brunette chose to ignore his mood this time, blaming it on how tired the poor boy must be. Her eyes danced over the message and an acidic kind of dread was slipping down her throat and burning any moisture left in her cheeks.

“I’ll be right back” she offered instead, looking briefly up to the boy who had pulled focus back to

the plastic rocket. Henry hadn’t replied so she continued. “Don’t move.”

Again, he hadn’t replied, but Regina slipped out into the hallway anyway. Shutting the door with a gap large enough that it wouldn’t lock but small enough Henry wouldn’t hear the conversation she was about to have.

The phone hadn’t even rung for half a second before the receiver was picking up at the other end.

“Regina!” the voice cooed into the phone, and the sound of the woman’s voice sent a shiver of anger to rattle disruptively through her bones and before she had gathered the energy to reply she swallowed the lump in her throat and shut her eyes tight.

“Mother,” she was squeezing the word out through clenched teeth.

“How are you? How’s Henry” she asked so casually, and it boiled a rage so thick in Regina’s stomach she was sure she could just combust any minute now.

“We’re fine,” she mumbled. Her words melding into one as it was proved hard to speak full sentences with a tongue that seemed so unwilling to reply to the woman and teeth that wouldn’t budge from the prison they had built.

“Hmm, good.” There was a beat of silence.

“Can you just cut to the chase mother, I have things to do,” Regina barked out, finally feeling her jaw loosen as that anger she felt building up was spilling so impatiently into her words. There was a critical sigh before the brunette had received a reply.

“I just think you should meet him before you make any chaste decisions,” she instructed down the phone. Regina bit down hard on her lip, holding back from spilling all the poison filled insults that were eagerly waiting on the tip of her tongue and instead tried hard to think of a rational response.

“How many times do I have to tell you mother I-” but her mumbling was cut short with a shush from the other end of the phone, Regina just knew she was wearing that same stupidly smug smile she always seemed to be wearing whenever the two would argue.

“Yes, yes I know you’ve explained _that_ in great detail before. But Regina, he might be the one to change it,” Regina was gripping onto the wall, her breathing thick and heavy and for a moment she had to pull the phone from her ear, so that her mother wouldn’t hear her frustrated cursing.

She was rocking on the balls of her feet, ready to reply but unsure on what it was she wanted to say.

There was never any point in arguing with her mother when she was so certain she had already won.

“Henry _needs_ a father figure in his life, you should be thinking of him instead of acting so selfishly,” and that had drawn an anger so violent to erupt from Regina’s lips, a scream muffled by her hand was echoed down the phone. She had been too angry to even realise what it was her mother was continuing to say.

“What Henry _needs_ is frankly none of your business. I have to go, I’m busy,” and she hadn’t held the line long enough to hear what it was her mother had wanted to reply.

“Everything okay?”

Regina turned to face the voice, hiding the phone behind her back and plastering a fake smile onto her burning cheeks. Only that same smile had been long forgotten when the brunette had seen who stood opposite.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, taking that anger from before and plastering it out onto the blonde idiot who stood with a dumfounded look on her face.

“Killian,” Emma finally pieced together his name, taking a gentle step back as Regina had looked about ready to dropkick her so far into the ground she would fall through the floor and into the lobby.

“Right.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Emma motioned for Regina to stay as she watched the brunette turn to go back to her room without another word.

Regina took in deep breath before gesturing for the blonde to continue, throwing her hands out aggressively. She was very obviously holding back a vicious rage, but Emma hadn’t seemed to care for she continued to poke the already angry bear.

“Are you okay?” she asked again, and Regina laughed out a sigh. Pausing to think and purposely leaving Emma to squirm in the silence.

“I would wait for the day you realise my business isn’t your business Miss Swan, but I’m fearful I won’t live to see that time come,” Regina answered firmly. “I have no time to answer your stupid questions now,” she muttered under her breath, and although her hand was resting on the door knob, she hadn’t made any attempt to re-enter the room, and instead she turned once more. Folding her arms around her waist and taking a tiny step towards Emma who wore a blank expression on her face and seemed strangely unphased by the brunette inching closer.

“The real question is, are you?” Regina questioned, Emma looked a little confused as her eyebrows were knitting subtly into one another. Regina took a step back, so she could lean against the wall, relaxing a little as questions were popping one right after the other into her mind. “Care to explain why you’ve suddenly cancelled every con you’d agreed to attend with next to no explanation?” 

But that had forced something to dull in the blonde, and suddenly an ugly frown was tugging aggressively at her lips and her face was flushing with a white so pale, Regina was scared the blonde was about to pass out. She edged a little of the wall in preparation but hadn’t gotten any closer to the unmoving Emma.

 

“I’m glad you’re okay” Emma’s voice was mouse like, so much smaller than Regina had ever heard her before. And that sent an unnerving feeling to course through her, what the hell had happened to the Emma who ruthlessly cut into her day after day, who had absolutely no boundaries in ripping the brunette apart, who had at one point enjoyed getting right under Regina’s skin. Regina hadn’t seen that Emma in a while, and the longer she thought about it the more she realised it had been so much longer than what was deemed as a “normal” amount of time.

Regina acted on instinct when Emma had tried to dart away, tugging gently at her arm but was greeted with an even sharper tug back.

“I’m already late, I’ll see you around Regina.”

Regina stood in the hallway, not really sure on what to do with herself. So she stormed, rather angrily, back into her room. The slam of the door making Henry jump a little, but upon seeing his mother had crawled right to the edge of the bed.

“Whats wrong?” there was a small wobble in his voice that instantly sent a pang of guilt to ripple in her chest, and Regina turned with a soft smile before going to meet him. She cupped his face and kissed the highest point of his head before pushing him back down gently onto the bed. “Absolutely nothing, now get ready for dinner.”

 

* * *

 

28/06/17

The next day at the con had been just as busy as the cast had expected, and Regina was careful not to spend any longer with Killian than needs be. Which was a little difficult when they’d been placed together in a panel, but she forced her best fake smile onto her cheeks before jumping on in front of the crowds and more or less ignored his entire presence on stage, which meant she could reply to questions with a little more ease and a little less hate.

That was until one fan had asked about a certain blonde idiot. And no, Regina hadn’t particularly enjoyed _those_ questions, but it was Killian’s response that had thrown her completley off course.

“So, someone thought they saw Emma with you here, and we all just wanted to make sure she was okay because of the recent cancelations and because she hasn’t really been out much,” her questions had been met with a giggle and a shy kind of _I love you_ thrown in at the end. Regina’s eyes widened as she sat patiently waiting for some bullshit excuse.

“Emma’s perfectly fine, but sadly she’s not here with me, she got mixed up in some work affairs,” he replied, winking that same sickening wink Regina would forever grow tired of. He faked a sad puppy face, and a cry of sympathy from the crowds was called out in response to his answer.

Regina twisted uncomfortably on her chair, wincing at the answer, she knew full well Emma had been with Killian. She’d seen her with her own eyes, and she was definitely not going crazy. She slowly felt her mouth drying and her mind fizzing with a whole load of questions that she knew were going to be left unanswered.

She tried to keep focus during the rest of the panel but was secretly holding out for the end so she could question the man beside her till his mind would bleed.

“What the _hell_ is happening with Emma?” she swung her hand out to bat at Killian’s upper arm as soon as they had left the sights of the audiences, in which he had playfully acted like it genuinely hurt – his lower lip quivering as he edged forwards.

“There’s no need to play rough Regina, but if you insist all you have to do is ask” he was purring in that disgusting way he had done since first meeting Regina, and it made her skin crawl uncomfortably, she wanted to pull every inch of it off just to get the feeling of his glare completley ripped from her.

“Answer me” she ordered, taking a larger than large step backwards so that she was out of his reach.

He smiled a lopsided smile, taking his thumb to rub at his bottom lip in a, what he must have thought, seductive way, but it only forced an eye roll and swell of sickness to pool in Regina’s stomach.

“What’s it to you?”

Regina blinked nervously as she shrugged off the comment.

“I just want to know why you’re lying,” she bit out. Because really, it wasn’t any of her business.

But she couldn’t help but feed the niggling curiosity that was peeling in the back of her mind.

“And I’m asking. What has that got to do with _you_?” he took a step forwards, backing Regina to the wall slightly without actually physically pinning her to it. He had a dangerous kind of glint in his eyes, the unspoken threat was trickling from his stare and for a moment the brunette felt stuck in his presence. She felt sick, and she felt a thick pit of anger tingling once more at her fingertips as the moment started to pass by them.

Killian beamed a sinister kind of smile, stepping back a little before continuing on to follow the security around the convention.

Regina could only stand still for the seconds he spent stepping out of the room, a wash of air finally taking home in her lungs as the room felt slightly bigger than it had before. She couldn’t place the feeling, but she knew full well she hadn’t liked it one bit.

 

* * *

 

The evening couldn’t have come sooner, and it was now that she sat in a moments silence that she truly felt that pang of sadness erupt, so unforgivingly, wrapping its menacing fingers around her heart and squeezing until she was sure it would give way. She was slumped over the bathroom sink, hands limp at the wrists and her head just as loose.

Henry sat playing innocently literally two centimetres away from where she was standing, so unknowing of the crying fit she had just silently let out for the past ten minutes that she had been reassuring him they would be leaving for dinner soon.

For a beat the woman allowed herself to wallow in that self-pity, but after the moment had passed, she stood to face the mess in the mirror. Wiping under her eyes and powdering her nose a little to hide the tear stains. She straightened out the jacket she wore and wound a smile through her lips before re-opening the door to the bedroom.

Henry bounced up instantly, a smile wide and a hand holding out for his mothers. She took it willingly, leading the two out of the room so they could finally go get some food.

The table had been pre-booked, and it hadn’t been a long wait for the two to finally be seated.

“What did you get up to today?” she asked, glancing over the menu. Her eyes tearing off of the words to meet her son who had started fidgeting uncomfortably at the question. “Henry?” she asked warningly, she knew he was hiding something, and nothing irritated her more than being kept in the dark.

“I was with Emma,” he mumbled, taking his hand from the menu so that he could fiddle at the cloth draping the table. Regina felt her eyebrows knit together as a flurry of mixed emotion was swirling through her mind. She really hated it when her son spent time with that woman, but for some reason something was clouding her usual judgements. “But don’t be mad, she already seemed sad enough,” he continued reading Regina’s stifled expression as anger. His eyes pleading with her to make peace with the statement instead of letting all hell break loose as she would often do.

She took a moment to think of some sort of reply, but Henry’s eyes had soon sought out something to stare at other than the beady glare. She couldn’t for the life of her understand why she had felt curiosity burning the tip of her tongue, as the question she wanted to ask was itching at her lips. But she had been too stubborn to give into temptation.

“I see,” was all she could reply. Turning her attention back to the menu and hoping the matter would just be disregarded. “I thought she hadn’t been able to attend,” she lied. Peering back down to the menu. Henry continued, taking the lack of punishment for spending time with Emma as an opportunity to keep talking.

“I think she’d been crying, and she looked really tired. Like _really_ tired” he emphasised the second _really_ , leaning forwards a little as he tried to gain the woman’s attention.

“It’s none of our business Henry,” she silenced him, but instantly felt regret creep over her as her earlier conversation with Hook was soon flooding into memory. She cleared her throat out of the sheer thought of him being so close and so demanding in his approach. Her body shivered unconsciously.

“But we can make it our business,” he was speaking softly now, retreating back into the chair, because he knew Regina wasn’t going to take lightly to his sudden request.

“And how do you propose we do that” she asked finding that firmness settle in the conversation, placing the menu gently onto the table as she leant forwards to rest her intertwined hands in the space between them.

“You could be her friend.”

“Miss Swan has plenty of friends, Henry,” she sighed, only muttering her answer.

“But I don’t think she does. She looks lonely,” he paused, and Regina went back to read the options on the menu as if she hadn’t already memorised every inch of the paper. “She has that same look you have when _you_ get lonely,” the boy was almost whispering his words, but Regina had heard the tip of every syllable. The sentence hitting her like a vicious slap, and the sting lingering moments after she’d been hit.

“I’m not lonely?” she questioned taking his hand in her own, a nervous kind of laughter marrying her words as panic was slowly starting to settle between the two, Henry sighed looking over to where his mothers’ hand had so daintily rested on his own.

“Well then why do you always look so sad?”

“You think I look sad?” she asked, her hand flinching off of her sons for a single second before she had retracted it completely, a frown was melting the plastic smile. He nodded in response, shrugging before re-adjusting himself awkwardly in his seat.

“Henry, how can I be sad when I have you,” She smiled again, when inside all she had wanted to do was cry, but for a completley different reason now. She wanted to cry because Henry had been so right, her son, her perfect little boy had been _so_ right, just as he always was. But she was in no state to admit that to him, he was so young, he shouldn’t have to deal with the burden of whatever this was Regina had been going through.

Henry looked as though he wanted to reply, but immediately sucked his lips into his teeth so not to let anything slip. Regina beamed another wide smile.

“I’ll be right back,” she hushed, tapping at his hand before excusing herself from the table. She hadn’t wanted to leave, she knew how that made his accusations look and how it might just prove it to be right, but she felt that if she sat there any longer, she would have another legendary break down. And she was in no way willing to share that with her son. 

So _young_ , she kept beating into her mind, he was so young and all he had to look up to was his slowly deteriorating mother that left him for work more than she had spent time with him in his eight years on earth. She burst through the door ready to let everything out in the quiet space. But her eyes were met with a sight so strange and unfamiliar that any thoughts of herself were shot out of the open window.

“Emma?” she asked taking gentle steps forward to the woman hunched over the sink, but she hadn’t moved, and Regina thought for a second she had the wrong person. But those princess curls were unmistakably Emma, and that hideous jacket she had insisted on wearing was strapped tightly around her upper body.

The blonde was snivelling, her hair carefully covering her face as the brunette was left waiting for some sort of reply.

“Whats happen-” but she hadn’t been given opportunity to finish her question because Emma had already spun around fast enough to give Regina whiplash.

“So, when _I_ ask if you’re okay I’m stupid, but suddenly _you_ ask _me_ and it’s fine?” she was borderline shouting and for a second Regina got worried that they might not be alone, or that the whole rest of the restaurant could hear her yelling from behind the door. Her eyes were dripping over the room and upon finding it empty, she continued to reply.

“I didn’t ask if you were okay,” Regina scoffed, for a single moment not caring that she had seen such pale cheeks flooded with a waterfall of tears.

“Don’t act all smart and pretentious Regina. I’m not in the mood.”

“What the hell is wrong with you at the minute?” she spat out in a whisper, taking another step so that the two were getting dangerously close, close enough that they could actually hit one another at any given minute.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“I think it’s a pretty self-explanatory question,” Regina mocked, taking her hand to rest on the bathroom side so that half her weight was shifting to her right.

“Why is that any of your business?” her words were met with an eyeroll, but this time the blonde stumbled backwards a little. Regina shifted forwards to grab at the woman but then she realised, Emma was completley drunk. She was getting used to seeing Emma like this now that it was unusual to see her in her usual _sober_ self.

“Funny you should say that, Killian argued the exact same,” she bit her lips, claiming her hands back to wrap them neatly around her waist.

Emma sighed a little, eyes filling with a pool of water, but Regina hadn’t got chance to see the tears fall as Emma was turning before they escaped. Wiping furiously at the wetness with the sleeve of her top.

“You’re drunk.” Regina bit out as a sharp slap of de ja vu was wafting over the conversation, it was only last month that they had had this exact problem, this exact conversation. But this time felt a whole lot angrier.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock,” Emma taunted, rocking a little on her feet before taking the cabinet beside her into her grasp to use it as a resting post.

“What’s going on?” Regina was a little sterner in her approach now, and in return she got an obnoxious laugh from an Emma who still ironically had tears spilling like rain down her already puffy cheeks.

“You don’t get to just demand to know everything about me now. It’s not like we’re _friends_ ,” the blonde sounded a little bitter in her remark and Regina hadn’t been sure what it was the blonde was implying but thoughts were racing like cars through her mind and suddenly she was talking before her mind could stop her.

“If you’re really going to tell me that all of this,” she motioned with her hand to trace up and down Emma’s body in the air between them before continuing. “Is because I’m a little mean to you, then you really need to get a grip Miss Swan.”

Emma’s face scrunched up tight, glaring so sinisterly towards the brunette. She shook her head, taking small and careful steps towards an unmoving Regina.

“You are _so_ ignorant Regina,” she was whispering now, her voice had become incredibly calmer. Regina was all sorts of confused and she really wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, so like an idiot she just stood as the blonde continued to approach her side of the bathroom.

“You really think you hold that much power over me?” Emma was laughing almost hysterically now, and at that the brunette was backing up to the furthest point of the bathroom, but Emma only followed. And there it was again, that recollection of the months prior conversation was webbing itself into Regina’s mind. “You really are _that_ self-centred to think I don’t have problems that extend further than you?”

Regina was breathing heavy as she felt her back press firmly against the wall, but the blonde was all the more eager to keep taking steps closer. This hadn’t happened before. Before Emma had just seemed sad, but all she seemed to hold now was a desperate kind of anger.

“You’re a mess,” Regina muttered, she felt suddenly helpless, which was extremely rare, but she’d felt a little tender recently.

“Just because your life is _oh_ _so_ perfect Regina, doesn’t mean we all have it under control” she jeered, stopping inches away from the brunette’s body, glaring into the darkened pupils and noticing now the slight height difference. And that only made the blonde laugh a little more.

But Regina had had enough, and she shoved at the blonde, her life was far from perfect and it was obnoxious and ignorant and just stupid for Emma to have even suggested such a thing-

“You know absolutely _nothing_ about me, how _dare_ you say anything about my life,” she was the one shouting now, and loudly at that, but she hadn’t seemed to care because the blonde had done just enough to enrage her. And maybe she was using the blonde as an excuse to take out the anger she had been burying for so long because it was easier than having to face whatever the hell was actually wrong, but in that moment,  she hadn’t cared.

“The issue is Emma, you think _you’re_ the only one with problems. And _I’m_ supposed to be the selfish one?” she scoffed, and with the shove and how genuinely upset Regina had sounded Emma’s own anger was draining like paint in the rain from her body, she looked guilty.

There was an awkward silence as Emma figured out what she should even say now.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could muster, and as pathetic as her apology had sounded Regina’s tension was visibly melting from her stance, but she still wore that same frustrated frown on her red lips.

“You’ve been acting so strange recently,” Regina whispered after an unbearable amount of silence.

That lulled a laugh to gently cut through Emma’s sobs as she diverted her eyes from Regina to her fumbling hands.

“I really am sorry,” Emma added in such a small voice, and it made Regina feel an almost immediate instinct to step forwards, so she did. But she stopped herself before her arms had flung themselves around the frail body.

“For what?” Regina still had a natural sternness to her voice, and Emma had sensed it instantly because her eyes fluttered to meet Regina with a worried look –  and for that the brunette could only feel guilt, but everything about her read anger, from the way she stood to the half frown she still had plastered on her cheeks to the distance that was larger than needed between them. And Emma had picked up on it all, stepping back as a hand shakily wrapped itself into the curls to pull them out of her face.

“For everything, I don’t know. I just,” she paused sucking in a tight breath. “It doesn’t matter.”

Regina wanted to hear more, she felt almost a little worried. And that terrified her, she had never not even for one second felt so protective of the blonde who stood so shakily vulnerable in front of her. She had a need to fill and a curiosity that was still biting at the edges of her mind, but she said nothing. She acted on not one of the thoughts that were pushing vigorously to be heard.

“I’ve gotta go.”

Regina was starting to get a little tired of the blonde cutting their conversations short.

Emma spoke quickly as she stumbled passed Regina, causing their arms to gingerly brush against one another. That stilled the brunette more than she had been still before. A frozen sort of static energy was trilling nervously through her body, and then all at once she remembered Henry was still sat waiting and God knows how long she had been stood here with Emma. Suddenly scolding herself for leaving the young boy all alone with absolutely no protection.

She waited a moment before taking a breath and continuing to exit the bathroom. Being met with a surprisingly cheery Henry.

She smiled down to him, hoping he had either chosen to ignore their earlier conversation or had magically forgotten it in the time she’d been gone.

“Did you make friends?” he asked expectantly, nodding his head towards the bathroom door as his fingers clasped onto the lip of his seat.

Regina chuckled a little, genuinely confused at his remark but continued to sit down and wait for him to elaborate.

“With Emma,” he rolled his eyes playfully as a laugh tingled his words. Regina frowned at his further comment, wishing she hadn’t been so willing to hear this conversation through. “I saw her leave the bathroom?” he was quizzical in his response, edging forwards a little as he sat impatiently waiting for Regina’s response.

“She must have left before I had a chance to talk with her,” she lied, biting her tongue so that a smile would form forcibly. Henry dipped a sigh into the conversation, not looking entirely pleased or convinced with her answer but hadn’t delved deeper into the topic. As even he, an eight-year-old boy, could sense when his mother had had enough of a conversation.

They ate in an almost silence, and Henry filled Regina in with the events of his day, carefully skirting round the parts where Emma had been involved. And even though she’d been listening to her son, _and_ she had more than twice had to remind him to not talk with his mouth full, the thought of Emma looking so fragile and run down and just not her usual self-had been circling around her mind for the entirety of dinner.

But then Regina thought about how she didn’t really know Emma, of course physically she knew her but that was only with small encounters at events. She didn’t know the small things, she didn’t know what had made her so incredibly sad. And suddenly she wanted to find out all the little sentimental things that she had never deemed that important to know about Emma. She, for some unknown reason, wanted to find out what her favourite colour was. Or what he favourite season was, or why she was constantly found crying in the bathroom. And knowing that was a heavy thing to know, and it dampened her mood horribly


	4. Chapter Four

20/09/17

It was a tediously dreary event and it happened every year without fail. Even the year after Regina’s father had passed just days before the party was planned to be hosted, her mother pushed through as if nothing had happened and expected Regina should act the same. Because keeping up appearances was of the up-most importance to Cora Mills.

She’d been busy in simple conversation, sipping on the glass of wine that had been so generously provided by the obnoxiously sociable host.

Luckily Regina had managed to avoid her mother for majority of the night, collectively having only spent fifteen minutes of her time with the tiresome woman.

But each slow sip she took had only worsened her need to gulp the whole glass and move onto pounding hard into the bottle – these events had never been about anything more than finding Regina a suitable husband, and it actually wasn’t the most medieval thing her mother had ever done, but it was the exact reason she knew she couldn’t stay sober.

She was trying hard to stay focused on a conversation with one of the guests, but his dull explanations of the psychology of the mind that had somehow swiftly moved onto how Regina should be handling Henry’s apparently obvious _social awkwardness_ , an idea she assumed had been planted by her overly nosy mother, was far from something she had wanted to engage herself in.

So, she spoke kindly through false smiles and fake laughs and tried hard just to make it through this damn evening without the inevitable husband hunting her mother had always managed to take her through.

“Thank you, Dr. Hopper,” Cora swooned into the conversation, acting as if it was by complete coincidence that she had caught them perfectly at the end of their little talk, just after Regina had been lectured on the five ways she could help Henry mature out of his _awkward tendencies_.

The brunette knew full well her mother had been keeping an ear on the conversation – checking all the information she had fed the doctor was being plastered onto Regina in the exact way she’d described.

In some twisted way, it was lucky that her mother had interrupted, as Regina had suddenly felt an aggressive impulse to knock that knowing smile right through the therapist’s teeth.

The man nodded before taking his leave, receiving a wink from Cora that all but said ‘well done’ to which he had smiled quickly back to Regina.

The two women were left in an almost silence, with only the buzz of the crowds to keep them company.

“Henry is perfectly fine by the way,” Regina finally sang through a strained smile, taking another much larger sip of her wine.

“I’m sure he is,” Cora replied just as sweetly, acting as though she had no idea what the hell Regina had been referring to. And that forced a weak laugh to swim through the wine that was brushing the slowly darkening red on Regina’s lips. “But we have other matters to discuss,” she continued, waving her hand in the air as if she were swatting the thought away, gesturing for Regina to join her in pushing through the mob of people.

Her mother turned around to start on their course. And before giving in, Regina felt a heavy eye roll fall into existence.

“Now I know you said I needn’t worry, but of course that was never going to happen,” Cora laughed, briefly turning to see that Regina had been compliant in listening to her silent orders, dragging her heels to follow the woman like an obedient child. She smirked at the thought before continuing. “And I just _knew_ you would never have agreed to meet him in your own time,” she rattled on, Regina was growing all the more suspicious the longer she felt herself trailing behind her mother.

“So, I pulled a few strings,” she started, smiling towards a corner of the room Regina couldn’t quite see. “Regina, this is Robin,” she beamed a smug smile towards the man she had just introduced, pulling a wide-eyed expression towards her daughter who had frozen in the space meters away from where the two now stood side by side.

She felt her teeth grind hard in her mouth, the top denting the bottom row. She had no words, and apparently, she had no capabilities of speaking so now the three stood in an awkward triangle of uncomfortable silence.

“It’s a pleasure,” Robin hummed, his accent a triggering shade of British – she smiled glumly and reluctantly shook the hand he offered so robotically.

Regina only nodded. Attacking the red liquid in her glass with her tongue as the drink spilled impatiently down her throat. She wished she could somehow sneak upstairs and snuggle up close to Henry who had long been gone, but unfortunately that option hadn’t been given.

“Well I’ll leave you too it,” Cora spoke to them, but her gaze had been captured by another corner of the room as she slowly released a wave from her clenched hand – but Regina had caught the direction she had been looking in and noticed no one was waving back. Which meant that, that had obviously been part of her elaborate scheme to leave the two of them alone. The brunette sighed, wanting nothing more than for this night to be over.

“We’ll catch up later Regina,” Cora winked before going to catch the non-existent person she had pretended to wave at.

Both Robin and Regina were left unsure on what to say next, as the whole situation had become rather uncomfortable as soon as Cora had pulled the man from another conversation so to be met with Regina, only to abruptly leave them seconds later.

“I’ve been catching up on your show recently, you’re really very good,” he offered, sliding a little towards Regina so that he wasn’t forced to shout the conversation. She hadn’t seemed phased by his inching closer.

“Oh, yes that. Thank you.” She started, her lips curling into a small smile before her teeth had automatically sucked them in to play at awkwardly. “And what is it you do?” she asked, thinking it only polite to return the favour of engaging in some sort of conversation – although she hadn’t really been interested at all.

“I work in law, corporate counsel.”

There was a moments silence as Regina wasn’t entirely sure what it was she was supposed to reply to that, and she really had no energy to think of something more to ask.

“I know, it’s really not as interesting as being the lead on one the most popular television series of the year,” he laughed a little, slipping a hand into his pocket and becoming a little more relaxed when Regina joined in his laughter.

“I’m sure it’s positively riveting,” Regina joked alongside him. “How did you meet my mother?” she asked once the joke had passed, taking another sip at her drink and eyeing him patiently as he thought about his answer.

“Well initially through mutual business friends, but she’s actually just offered me a job!” he seemed chuffed with the invitation, a wide smile separating his lips and a gleam of something that seemed like pride in his eyes – but unfortunately, Regina couldn’t share the same joy as the man in front, a wash of sympathy skimmed her mind. He really had no idea who he was getting into bed with.

“Were you jobless before?” she asked flippantly, and he was quick to argue her question – choking a little on the drink he’d been carefully nursing as a consequence of furiously shaking his head no.

“No, no of course not – she made a deal more attractive than what I had been working with before. It was a no brainer really.”

Regina nodded, it was typical of her mother really.

“Well I hope everything goes well.” Regina offered, Robin nodded. “But if you’ll excuse me,” she started trying to turn and leave the conversation as this was growing a little tiring for her and she felt that she knew exactly where this was going to lead if she were to stay two seconds longer. But she was stopped when the man had taken a gentle step forwards to call out a small _wait_.

“We should meet for lunch sometime,” he was trying to seem confident but there was a hidden question written in his words that made him sound almost childlike.

“I’m really sorry, you seem,” she started, looking him up and down and smiling before going back to meet his expecting eyes. “You seem lovely, and I’m not sure what it is my mother has told you, but I’m really not interested,” she waved a hand out to him, pity taking hold of her words.

He had sad puppy eyes and a tremble was waving on his lips, but he acted as though he hadn’t minded her simple rejection – taking a step back and slipping his hand back into his pocket so to seem as casual as possible.

“Yeah, no that’s okay, maybe we’ll see each other some other time.”

Regina felt a little guilty, but then she remembered she had nothing to feel guilty for. It hadn’t been her fault she wasn’t interested and if anything, it was her mothers’ fault for misinforming the man and getting his hopes up – she had a tendency to do that, and Regina really wasn’t sure how much more she could take of it.

 “You didn’t even give him a chance Regina,” Cora warned, her voice low, disappointment was leaking dangerously through her words. Regina jumped when the woman joined her side, she had very clearly been eyeing the whole conversation from afar.

“I’ve _already_ told you a countless number of times, I’m not interested,” Regina whispered back, trying not to keep eye contact with the woman who was burning holes into her side. But her plans of not meeting the woman’s eyes had been pushed aside when Cora had grabbed violently at her sleeveless arm, dragging her into a separate and empty room.

“And when _will_ you be interested Regina?” she was hysterical, pacing furiously up and down the room. Regina watched her steps, sighing before realising she should probably reply.

“How many times must we re-visit this mother?” she whined, taking the last of what was left in her glass, only for a second prying her eyes from her storming mother, who, in that moment, had stopped dead in her tracks to stare solemnly at her stubborn daughter.

“As many times as it takes for you to see how _hard_ I am working for you to be happy,” Regina hated that, she hated how often her mother had claimed to only be thinking of Regina’s happiness when in reality Cora lived in such a fearful ignorance of the situation and refused to believe whatever Regina would tell her. “You’re hurting Henry you know.”

That was forcing a sharp anger to run in Regina’s blood, and soon she was gripping on the glass hard enough she thought it might shatter right there in her hand.

“Don’t you dare.”

“He’s not _normal_ Regina, he needs a father,” Regina slammed the glass onto the side, sitting up from where she had been leaning against the edge of a desk. Taking angry steps towards her unmoving mother so that she was close enough to feel their breathing crashing violently against one another other.

“You have _no_ idea what Henry needs,” she breathed through a heated kind of passionate hatred, hands fisted into clumps and pulsing with an anger so thick she was scared she would start physically engaging in this conversation.

“Your _ways_ , what you claim to be, isn’t healthy for him to see Regina.” But her mother’s sentence hadn’t even been spoken into existence for longer than a second before a hand had been striking her pale cheek so furiously that the sound of skin on skin had echoed as a painful reminder of what Regina had just done.

Cora hunched to the side, caressing the reddening skin as Regina scampered away. Her hand being held by the other as if she were scared it wouldn’t hesitate to be used as a weapon once again. The two were stood in a painful silence before Regina had finally been given the ability to speak again. “Mother, I’m-”

“Get out.”

Regina hesitated for a moment, unable to move as the anger was quickly replaced with an ice kind of fear. She thought she would actually throw up if she stood if she dared stand there any longer, so, when her body had become cold and limp, she took her leave, racing from the room and running to wake Henry from where he had been tucked into bed upstairs.

“Henry wake up, we need to go,” Regina had tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. But she hadn’t been sure what it was that caused them to spring so suddenly. She thought maybe it was shock, she had never been so violent with her mother – she had never dared. But there was an unforgiving swell of sickness and upset that was taking her mind and stomach captive, and it had been slowly bubbling from the start of their conversation.

Her mother had never, not for one second accepted the fact that Regina hadn’t felt any interest in men and refused to believe that the possibility of Regina finding love with another woman would create a sustainable family for Henry to grow up around.

Regina sighed away the tears, gathering her sleepy son up in her arms before rushing to run down the stairs.

 

* * *

 

The pair hurried home and not for a single moment had Regina tried to slow in pace.

She had never, never in her life been so aggressive with her mother. There had always been that kind of unspoken threat following Cora wherever she would find herself – and that was enough to scare Regina into a childlike and pathetic sort of submission.

But god knows what would happen now, no one could ever predict what unspeakable punishment Cora had brewing for Regina to wake up to, and that thought alone meant she would find herself having another sleepless night.

Henry didn’t need to be asked twice to get back into bed, falling into a sleep that for a moment looked completely undisturbed. And how Regina had envied the small boy, for his biggest worry before going to sleep had been what he was going to have for breakfast tomorrow morning.

The brunette checked her phone almost automatically, nothing had come through from her mother. The waiting was worse than whatever it was she was supposed to be preparing for.

She danced back down the staircase, her hand skimming the railing. And then she felt lost for what to do, there was no point in trying to nestle into bed – she would only be lying awake for hours on end. So she made her way to her bar, deciding on pouring another glass of red wine. Perhaps her wishes had been granted and now she would finally be allowed to fill her body with a whole bottle.

The liquid felt rough on her throat, that usual silk like feeling had long been forgotten and Regina could only pin the misplacement down to the fact she had been so impatiently waiting for something dreadful to happen.

The house was quiet, it felt quieter than usual and it was weird because even her mind had been forced into a silence. Maybe she was going numb, maybe she had been subconsciously preparing herself for the inevitable and her body had gone into defence mode.

It was then that her phone had pinged, when her mind had been floating around other things. Her eyes were the first to move to the lightened screen, catching a glimpse of her mother’s name but not the actual message itself.

Her fingers were stiff and reluctant to pick up the phone, but eventually she gave in. A weird concoction of dread mixed with thankfulness was stroking at her mind the further her eyes dared to read.

_You’ll meet Robin for dinner at the Chateau. A car’s being sent for you at 8 next Wednesday._

There had been nothing more, that was all. A sigh was tickling in her throat, but it hadn’t been sure on whether it was given passage to escape, as there was a tinge of relief sweeping over her limbs and Regina could only be confused on what it was she felt about everything. It was a clever kind of punishment, Cora knew full well Regina would do nothing more to harm her, she would rather devour her own soul before disobeying those strict orders that had been sent with such detest.

This hadn’t been as bad as she had been expecting, but it did beg the question – what the hell was Robin now expecting to come of this dinner.

It didn’t matter now; the smaller details could be dealt with closer to the time.

But again, her phone had pinged right in her hand, and a rush of blood was pulsing quickly to her temples as fear was starting to elope her mind.

The second notification had only been a reminder of the premier party tomorrow night. She hadn’t really got the energy for appearances and photos and people in general, but it was certainly what was expected of her. And to be honest she’d missed Zelena’s company, she was more or less the only person, bar Henry, who Regina could hold a genuine conversation with for longer than ten minutes.

But that reminder of the party brought on other unwanted reminders of who she would be seeing. Regina felt a rage force an eye roll when the thought of having to spend an extra amount of time with Killian crossed her mind, but then the rage cooled and softened into something she couldn’t quite pinpoint – but it was definitely a lighter feeling than that of the hatred.

She wondered for a small moment if Emma would be accompanying her fiancé. The two had left things on rather awkward terms last time they spoke. She was still angry, she hadn’t the patience for Emma’s childish games, but she couldn’t help the worry that was subconsciously gnawing at her mind.

There was a small voice in the back of her mind that kept crying out to be heard, asking all the impossible questions about the blonde that Regina had wanted nothing more to do with. Like, what the hell was happening with Emma at the minute, the continuation of con cancellations had never been more apparent, and the blonde’s public appearances were becoming rarer by the second. It was so unlike her.

Not that Regina had much to compare it with, she didn’t _know_ Emma. but in the years she’d been fighting and taunting the blonde she could sense a clear difference in her that was sending an uneasiness to swell in her stomach.

Regina sighed out the rest of her unwanted thoughts, replacing the air with the rest of her wine before finally feeling a little tired – forcing herself up from her chair and into bed.

 

* * *

 

 21/09/17

There were a thousand flashing lights that were somehow illuminating the crowds and blinding them in the same minute. But still the brunette remained unphased, a smile teasing her red lips and a hand creasing into her hip as she twirled and turned and strutted down the red carpet.

It was the season three premier party and there was a special kind of excitement brewing in her mind, especially as her son had been so keen to join her tonight – and the thought of him waiting patiently in the venue only meters from where she stood was what was forcing the smile to shine so brightly for the cameras.

She was being escorted gently to move further up the runaway when she saw her.

Emma clinging like a desperately lost puppy to her fiancé. A smile so wide and fake taking control of her lips. The brunette couldn’t tear her glare from the two of them, Emma had seemed happy enough, definitely a lot more smiley than she had been for the past few months.

Regina hadn’t seen Emma since there last conversation three months ago, so perhaps things had changed since then, maybe she was falling back into her old self – and that thought made an even wider smile weave into Regina’s lips. But then she looked over again and saw something painful glistening in Emma’s eyes, in the flashes of the camera. And suddenly the blonde looked lost again, pale and sickly and weak. But that was all she had managed to see for she was being led directly into the building. Secretly cursing the venue for not having a lengthier red carpet.

Henry was sat at the table with Zelena. Smiling and laughing in the way that made Regina’s heart just melt right into her soul.

“Hi,” She breathed softly, tapping gently in her heels to join the two of them and running a hand through Henry’s hair, but only a little so not to disrupt the perfectly placed strands.

The three were lost in some absent-minded conversation before Regina had been pulled rather aggressively out of focus, catching a glimpse of the blonde once more as the couple had walked one after the other into the hall.

Her eyes had lost all interest in playing around her son and friend, and instead found themselves interlacing into the plastic smile Emma had been wearing so forcefully. Even from a distance Regina could see the blonde wincing when her fiancé had started pawing at her body to lead them to different parts of the room.

“Everything okay?” Zelena asked thoughtfully, an eyebrow cocking when Regina hadn’t replied or even noticed her existence.

“Henry why don’t you go take a look at that cake, see if you can sneak us some,” she suggested playfully, holding him close to her as she pointed out the desert she’d offered. Waiting and watching him scamper off to be met with someone else from the cast before continuing on her questioning. “Regina.”

 The brunette hummed an _hmm_ without turning to face her interrogator, not having the will to stop herself from investigating every inch of the blonde she had hated for so long.

“She looks positively miserable next to him, god knows she could do so much better,” Zelena offered through a bitter tone, hinting a little at Regina who hadn’t quite taken the bait. “Why don’t you just go talk to her?” Zelena wasn’t mocking now as she usually did, and that willed Regina to face her – confusion painting her expression.

“Why would I do that?” she hadn’t sounded as offended as she had wanted to, so now all she sounded was pathetic and whiney and she scolded herself mentally for that.

Zelena hadn’t replied, only coking her head to the side as if Regina was supposed to guess exactly what she had been thinking. And because the brunette had no other worldly powers of mind reading, she had to rely on suspicion, nd her suspicions only made her all the more nervous.

“I have no desire to talk with her,” Regina scoffed, trying to play it cold although her eyes had remained loyal to Emma the entire time she had spoken. She’d shocked herself at how calm she’d been upon seeing the blonde again, and how everything she had prepared herself to feel and all the insults she had listed in her mind were slowly dispersing into nothing.

“Yeah, you look like it,” Zelena laughed out. And Regina shot a look that was so fake in its vicious nature that it only made Zelena laugh all the more.

Instead of replying the brunette dared to stand and take steps towards the blonde, telling herself she was only going over to Emma to silence her nit-picking friend.

Taking small breaths in with each step, and never for one moment daring to look up and make eye contact, because that would only give Emma a heads up to quickly dart out of the way.

“Regina you look gorgeous!” someone from beside the moving brunette had called out, taking a hand to press at her arm and pull her into a quick hug.

“Thank you, Katherine. As do you,” she replied, her voice small as her mind was focused solely on something else.

“Are you okay?” Katherine asked, her hand dripping down to take Regina’s own tanned ones.

Regina was trying hard not to get annoyed at the sudden disturbance, nodding and smiling whilst side eyeing the blonde to make sure she hadn’t disappeared off to hide somewhere, as she was coming used to doing.

“Yes of course. I just really quickly need to do something, I’ll be right back,” Regina motioned, smiling before taking her hand as her own once more and making an exit to go talk to Emma.

A deepening sickness was threatening to spill over as she got closer to the blonde who, for some reason, still hadn’t noticed the brunette approaching slowly.

Regina was only centimetres away, but Emma had her back turned to where the brunette had made her entrance. So now Regina stood awkwardly, unsure on what she had wanted to do or say, or what it was that possessed her to walk over in the first place. So, for what felt like hours the brunette was stood hovering like a stalker behind the blonde and her fiancé, who loudly was cracking jokes that weren’t even marginally funny.

Regina only did what she thought felt natural. She walked away. Swiftly pivoting on her toes and marching straight back to the table she had come from, only to be met with an eye rolling Zelena.

“What in the bloody hell was that?” she asked, genuinely annoyed at Regina’s embarrassingly loud idiocy. The brunette shook her head and held out her hand as an indication for the ginger to stop her judging.

“Where’s Henry, we need to be seated soon.”

 

* * *

 

The three of them settled comfortably at the rounded table, and for a single second Regina had felt a little more at ease with the night. That was until a certain blonde had come and placed herself in the seat directly next to Regina, close enough that their arms had been squished to the point that she thought they might very well morph into one being.

Regina felt a spark of something she didn’t understand fizzing in her limbs shooting out like fireworks from the contact of Emma’s pale skin on her own, and for a moment she felt herself get lost in the feeling – enjoying the sensation of the gentle pulsing of blood rushing through her body. But then she came to her senses, shifting away from the blonde and instantly feeling that electricity fizzle out into nothing.

Emma cleared her throat beside her but hadn’t said a word until the show’s creators had made their way onto the stage, a silence blanketing across the crowds.

“Did you chicken out of saying hi or something?” Emma edged closer to Regina, still not facing her but getting close enough that the whisper was hushing directly into Regina’s ear.

“What are you talking about?” Regina licked at her lips, subtly trying to move a little further away but Emma had been persistent in inching closer.

“Earlier? Or did you just move closer to get a better view at how good I look tonight?” Emma spoke through a quiet purr, teasing at the words. Regina went cold, her body freezing through and without looking she knew Emma had that same sarcastic smirk plastering her face that she always seemed to do when she was playing.

“I was looking for someone,” Regina offered as a pathetic reply, trying to sound bored of this conversation but Emma hummed a soft laugh.

"Was it Katherine?" 

"What?" 

"Nothing, I just assumed because I saw you talking." 

Regina didn't reply. Thinking how oddly jealous Emma was starting to sound, how bitter her words seemed to come out. But she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. 

“You don’t have to be scared of me now, just because I cried a little bit in the bathroom.”

Regina turned instantly, almost a little too quickly as she soon enough felt a little dizzy. But she hadn’t cared because what Emma had said was completely false and she could not wait to put that rumour to rest.

“I am _not_ scared of you Miss Swan,” she scoffed, feeling that memorable flood of hatred swirl into her words. When Regina payed closer attention, she finally saw that smug smile possessively hugging the painted lips. But she also saw something she hadn’t ever cared to notice before now. A tiny dimple was carving so softly into the delicate flesh of her cheeks with the growing smile, denting so perfectly into the skin. And god how Regina wanted to kiss it, to feel the crease under lips-

No. she didn’t want that, she didn’t want _anything_ like that from the blonde.

She swallowed the lump that was forming. Regina hadn’t any doubt the blonde was slowly seeping back into her usual self, but she hadn’t been sure what it was she was feeling now after having realised the old Emma was back.

“Far from it,” Regina added in a milder whisper. But she hadn’t turned quick enough to miss Emma shifting her position so that she could stare back at the brunette.

The two lingered in a stare that neither one could decipher. Quite frankly both had been too ignorant to even try and understand that this stare had been filled with something that was far from the hate they had usually let sit between them. Regina hadn’t been brave enough to look anywhere else, she felt stuck but in such a way that was comfortable enough that she hadn’t wanted the moment to end any time soon.

Emma’s eyes danced deliberately to trace the outline of Regina’s lips, before having them follow the voices of the men that were still talking loudly on the stage in front of them.

They hadn’t made any further contact for the remaining time they stayed seated, but every so often Regina would feel Emma adjust herself in the seat so that their arms would brush haphazardly against one another for the briefest of moments.

 

* * *

 

The music had been shouting out through the speakers at such a high volume it was hard to hear anything other than the beat that was spiking through them.

Regina was on her fifth glass of champagne, and her son was whining that he wanted to go dance. The liquid courage she had consumed moments before was what eventually pushed her to give into the soft requests, taking her son by the hand and tugging him to the stand around the table.

Henry was jumping around spinning at his mother’s bid, but still clinging onto her hand in fear she would simply dart away to sit down if he were to let her free.

Little did he know, Regina couldn’t have thought of anything worse than leaving a moment as wonderful as this. Nothing had been more special to her than when her son had been giggling with his whole heart and smiling from ear to ear, especially when she had been the cause for it.

Regina glanced away for a second, catching Emma’s eyes in her panning but not allowing herself to linger in the stare for longer than she had already.

She felt weird suddenly, knowing Emma had been watching them dance for god knows how long, not weird in a bad way but not weird in a good way either. She was confused, and that usual hatred she felt, for some reason, had gone astray. Regina was desperate for it to come back, plastering missing persons signs in her mind.

But the moment was cut short when Henry had shouted out the exact words Regina had never wanted to hear in her life.

“Emma, come join us!”

The brunette’s smile was withering away and turning into a thin line, a sigh curving her nose and escaping through exasperated breaths.

She hadn’t looked up to see if Emma was listening, but her assumptions were proven correct when a blonde had soon enough danced her way over to the two.

Henry released the grip from one of Regina’s hands, struggling a little as his mother had hopelessly tried to cling onto his fingers – she’d been unsuccessful in her venture as a gap was opening for the blonde to join in.

Suddenly she realised this was not a memory she was hoping to hold onto and thought quickly of an excuse she could use to pardon her leave without upsetting her son.

“I need a drink of water Henry, I’ll be right back,” this time Henry had been the one to cleave onto Regina’s fingers, and it broke her heart a little to see his disappointment, but she really had other things she would rather be doing than dance with Emma Swan.

“Oh, but I love this song, you have to stay,” Emma was whining as badly as Henry had done moments before – but it wasn’t her crying that had forced the brunette to stop walking away, it was the tight grip on her upper arm that slowed her movements. Regina hadn’t recognised the slow piano notes that were playing through the speakers, but Emma had started swaying rhythmically – Regina’s arm still firm in her fingers.

The brunette started to watch as Emma still held Henry close to her, an arm wrapped around his front as the two of them swayed with a smile hugging their cheeks.

Something was pulling at her limbs, something she wished she had the will to cut loose from, but it was too late, and soon enough she was taking hold of Henry’s hand once more, swaying to the same beat as the music. Telling herself repeatedly that it was the alcohol that caused her lack of will power.

Emma’s fingers grazed down Regina’s arm, goose bumps appearing under her touch and the brunette hoped to god Emma hadn’t noticed. But Emma still had her eyes closed, her lips parting a little to recite the words.

And then the pale fingers met Regina’s wrist. They paused, neither one pulling away from the touch but both a little unsure on what was going to happen next.

Between breaths Emma traced her fingers to meet Regina’s, lacing and intertwining the limbs with the brunettes oddly loose hands. The two locked into a hold that was tight enough the grip wouldn’t slip but relaxed enough that either one could pull away at any given moment. There was a little bit of uncertainty in the hold, and it teased through both their minds. They’d never done anything like this before. They’d never done anything more than pull at each other, and then have the other pull back away. This was weird. And it was weird that Regina hadn’t pulled away sooner.

Regina felt her throat dry out, her lips being licked at with her tongue that felt closer to the Sahara Desert than a anything, desperately attempting to regain some sort of comfort. She hadn’t minded how Emma’s fingers had slotted so perfectly into her hold like they belonged there, and how the smile that had once been plastic was fading into something much sincerer on Emma’s pale cheeks.

And how Henry had been looking with such glee to the women’s hands, a hopefulness tinting his eyes as his grip tightened around Emma’s arm that was still wrapped neatly around his chest.

But then Regina felt a nervousness and something close to anger electrify her dancing, and she ripped her fingers from Emma’s so that she could hug her own waist.

“Henry I’ll be right back,” she smiled, glaring up to Emma before darting desperately to find a quieter part of the venue.

A wash of pale light had illuminated her face, and it only made the brewing sickness worse. Her hands were cupping her face and blinding her eyes from the light – not that it made _any_ difference to the sudden illness.

Her back had been pushed aggressively against the wall, the hard exterior being her only means for support, and if someone hadn’t pushed through the double doors at that exact moment, she thought that maybe she would just sink right into the ground and never appear again.

“Hey.”

Regina blinked open her eyes, sighing upon seeing who stood in front of her but also not being the least bit surprised.

“What have you done with my son?” Regina groaned, thinking about storming away right then to go reclaim Henry – but something stronger than her will had kept her right in that same place against the wall.

“He’s fine, Zelena’s got him,” Emma hadn’t spoken after that, and it was becoming almost habit for the two to stand in silence.

“Well?” Regina started. “What do you want?” she asked aggressively, ushering for the blonde to speak her mind as there was clearly something on it.

“I just needed some air.”

“In the exact place you just watched me storm out to? Find another excuse Emma,” 

“Why were you storming out,”

Regina cursed silently under her breath.

“I was hot,” she answered stubbornly, her words almost on the verge of a non-existent whisper. Emma nodded, crossing her arms across her waist. Regina couldn’t help but follow the lines of her arm muscles that were flexing in the movements but had pried them away before Emma had caught her staring.

“The episode’s good by the way,” the blonde was sighing out her words as if she weren’t really interested in the conversation – but there was a needy glint in her eyes, that if Regina had dared to stare for a second longer would have noticed was just begging for a reply.

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay.”

“Was there something else you needed or are you just here to annoy me?” A pause lingered between them.

“Why do we fight so much Regina?”

The brunette sighed instead of replying with words. She hadn’t been sure what answer Emma had been searching for, so she stayed silent.

The blonde opened her mouth to say something more but had been stopped when someone else passed through. Emma edged towards Regina to let them past, taking some air in as she did so.

Regina took the same breath of air, but for some reason it had been sharper, louder – and that hindered Emma’s movements a little, but not enough to stop her form moving completley. The blonde moved closer to Regina than needs be, the passer-by had more than enough room to move freely to get back into the hall, but Emma had been persuaded to take that extra step closer.

Regina’s fingers were clawing at the wall behind her, her nails scratching into the paint as they desperately searched for something to cling onto as her tanned legs were going a little limp and unstable for a reason she really could not figure out.

Emma’s eyes were untidy in the way they had been searching Regina’s features. The pressure of her stare was heavy, but Regina hadn’t minded a single second. Suddenly feeling a pressure in a place she had never thought she would feel with Emma, but it was unforgivably demanding in the way it pulsed between her thighs. 

“Aren’t you tired of all the fighting?” Emma hushed out between steps.

“We should go back.”

“I don’t think we’ll be missed for five minutes,” Emma’s eyes fluttered down to pause on Regina’s

lips.

Her breath quickened as the blonde dared to take one last step, closing the last of the gap and leaving only a centimetre’s space between them. Her eyes darting furiously to gather as much intel as to what the hell was happening, but Emma’s face was almost expressionless and completely unreadable.

Regina looked down to Emma’s still folded arms, catching a glimpse at the painted fingernails that were scratching at her pale arms. Each finger as desperate to claw at something other than the blonde’s own skin, what exactly, Regina had been unsure of.

“Regina, I-”

But Emma’s sentence had been left unfinished as the double doors swung open once more, Killian appearing in the archway, stumbling like a true drunkard. Regina sighed, feeling Emma leap away from her side – hearing the breath escape her pale lips as the wall behind the blonde had winded her in the desperate escape. Now she was left both angry and confused and she so wished Emma had finished the end of her words.

“Emma,” he spoke through clenched teeth, marching like an idiot through the empty hall way. “Do you know how bloody annoying it is when every time I try to look for you, you run off.”

Regina’s eyebrows knitted into one another as the man had practically thrown himself onto the blonde. Emma’s hands trying their hardest to hold the falling man up.

“I’m sorry, I was just checking on Regina.”

“Oh, how _fucking_ surprising” He turned clumsily to face the brunette, hiccupping in between his sentence. A frown that was turning into a dangerous kind of smirk dripping from his cheeks. “Regina.”

The brunette straightened her spine at the sound of her name, waiting for the man to continue.

“You might find it’s in your best interest to stay away from _my_ fiancé,” He was pointing at her now, smiling still, but he’d been spitting out a bitter poison in his words. Noticing his emphasis on _my,_ she gulped back her anger. Regina must have torn an even more confused look into her expression for Killian thought it best to continue. “Don’t act all innocent now, I’ve heard about all your dirty little affairs.” He laughed an evil kind of snigger. Emma gasped behind him.

 

Regina felt a cold trickle without warning through her bones as her body started to numb a little. She opened her mouth to reply but Emma had cut in almost instantly.

“Killian, enough,” but the man had tugged away from her pull at him, laughing louder now and stepping even closer to the still unmoving brunette.

“Come on Emma don’t be an idiot, we’ve all seen the way she looks at you,” he was being intentionally cruel now, batting his insults out into the court as if he were reciting the alphabet.

There had been so many things Regina had wanted to say but none were slipping from her tongue, nothing was coming out and she hated herself for that. She had been delicate in the way she handled her relationships, and this was exactly the reason why.

Instead she was biting down on her tongue until she was sure she could taste blood, and even then, she didn’t stop.

“And just because my fiancé is, well,” he paused to look around to Emma who had shrivelled into a tiny figure of her usual self. “Let’s just say she isn’t the brightest,” He docked a stare that was so cruel in its nature, so mean in the way he looked down on her. “Doesn’t mean you can woo her into your little love nest,” he mocked, rocking happily on his feet. Emma had tears hidden in her eyes but hadn’t dared let them escape, what she had done was pull away slightly as her breathing was tightening in her chest.

“Watch your mouth Killian,” Regina finally spoke up, warning him with a silent threat that he hadn’t taken seriously at all – the only reply being a loud roar of laughter.

“What could you _possibly_ do.”

Regina licked at her lips, her mind running blank thoughts and suddenly she was out of ammo. She had never been so lost for words but the sadness that was slowly draining Emma’s face had been enough to put her tormented mind to rest. She hadn’t wanted to worsen the situation, she hadn’t wanted to engage in his drunken, childish arguments – especially not when Emma had been watching the scene with eyes that were practically begging for this whole moment to be over.

“That’s what I thought,” Killian mocked Regina’s sudden silence, and god how she had wanted nothing more than to beat the living hell out of that smug smile, but once more her eyes had traced over to see the grief and misery brimming in the tears that had drowned Emma’s stormy eyes and she knew continuing on this battle would only cause more heartache.

She swallowed her insults, taking a deep breath in.

“We’re leaving,” Killian muttered angrily to the blonde, taking her wrist so to lead them from the hallway and out of Regina’s sights.

The brunette allowed her eyes to boil over with tears, shaky breaths escaping her wobbly lips as slowly she was trying to regain something more than the anger that was brimming aggressively in her stomach.

What the fuck had that just been? She had never been a fan of Killian, but what she was feeling now was something else entirely. He was cruel and disgusting and crude all at once and he had just ripped into Regina with something more than the playful banter she was expecting to spill from his thin lips.

She beat a fist into the wall, hearing a thud but not feeling the pain she was expecting to string through her skin at the contact.

But then her mind was thinking back to Emma, the Emma she had never seen before. The blonde had never looked so fearful in her life, she had never looked so genuinely dispirited and Regina hadn’t even felt angry that Emma hadn’t tried to defend her, because if that was how Killian had spoken to people he worked with, how had he been speaking to Emma.

Regina hit the wall again, harder this time. And then again, and again, and again until she thought her flesh might actually be painted a dark shade of purple.

She ran back into the hall, plastering a fake smile onto her cheeks before collecting Henry from Zelena – saying her goodbyes and piling him into their car.

Henry looked sleepy, but still whined that he could have stayed up for an extra couple of hours after Regina had used the excuse that Henry needed to get to bed, so that they could easily slip from the party without question.

She reached to take his hand, feeling a sting at her wrist – assuming it to be the delayed pain from where she had just abused it so violently.


	5. Chapter Five

26/09/17

Regina sat hoping that tonight time would stand still. The clock in her dining room mocking her silence as the tick, tick, ticking of the hands had been the only sound to fill her empty void of self-pity.

“Are you excited mom?” Henry had crept so quietly into the room, rocket in one hand and his book in the other. Regina beamed a smile in his direction.

“A little nervous,” she lied, taking at her wine again. Regina had been far from nervous, instead she had already been wishing the night away for reasons that she hadn’t cared to discuss with her eight year-old son. He seemed happy enough to see his mother doing something other than working or spending time with him, which was apparently _all_ she seemed to do nowadays. “Would you like me to come tuck you in?” she asked, hopeful that he hadn’t grown all the way up yet and would perhaps be tired enough to let her coddle him a little more. He shook his head no, yawning a wide yawn.

“Mary-Margaret said I could read in bed a little,” he continued mid yawn, Regina had become so accustomed to second guessing Henry’s mumblings, so hadn’t even blinked when his words were muffled with a breath of air.

“Did she now?” Regina mumbled, circling the rim of her glass. Henry nodded, tiptoeing up to his mother to peck her lightly on the cheek.

“Don’t stay out too late.”

Regina laughed a little, feeling a glow warm in her heart as she watched her son back away with a smile spread wide across his face.

“I promise to be home by eleven.”

“Half ten, at the latest.”

“What made you think this was negotiable?”

“You’re my mom, everything’s negot-i-abl-e,” Henry spelled out the last word, trying to keep the professionalism he’d adopted whilst talking, his chest held high and his head held even higher so that he’d been looking down to his mother. Regina could only laugh; her son had never looked so young with his book and toy to hand and striped pyjamas all ruffled around the edges. But she hadn’t the heart to break the character he’d fallen into, so continued to play along.

“Well in that case, half-ten it is,” she added, a smile creeping behind her words as she leant forwards to jab playfully at her sons’ ribs. Henry jumped instantly at the touch, giggling loudly as his feet forced him to nearly completley topple backwards.

“Promise?” he asked slipping back into the child in him as he held his pinkie out. Regina looked down to the innocent offering, smiling once more before intertwining her own little finger with his.

“Promise,” she whispered, pulling him close enough to wrap his frail figure into her embrace. She squeezed tight, ignoring his laughs and his muted begging to let him go.

Eventually the two had become un-stuck and Regina watched painfully as her son skipped up to his room, being left once more with only the ticking of the clock and the echo of the distant slamming door. She looked to the time, ten minutes until her car had been expected to show. She sighed.

“I’m sure it’ll go great.”

Regina sighed again, her eyes falling shut so to gain some sort of calm. Mary-Margaret stood in the archway with her hands clasped together and Regina held back an eye roll once she’d caught the cheesy grin washing her nannies rose tinted cheeks.

“I suppose,” she let out a breath, standing to check her appearance in the mirror.

“And don’t worry about being back by half-ten, take as long as you need.” Mary Margaret added, as if Regina had needed any actual permission.

“Thanks,” she mumbled. She had no intentions of spending any longer than needs be with this man, so Mary-Margaret’s comment really had no relevance in how Regina was planning on spending her night.

But then there had been a sharp knock at the door, willing both women to turn and stare. Regina had been looking with regret in her eyes, and her nanny had stood staring with quite the opposite.

The brunette waited for as long as she could, before her lingering had got a little strange and she realised this was probably going to be the easiest part of her night.

 

* * *

 

“You look gorgeous tonight Regina,” Robin whispered in awe, his eyes taking in every inch of the brunette.

“Thank you,” Regina hadn’t returned the compliment, she hadn’t even followed up her thanks with anything, so now the two sat in a near silence.

“I’m happy you agreed to meet me again.”

Regina scoffed under her breath. It had been far from her agreeing to anything, but for now that was something to be kept under wraps – she would play through her mothers’ little fantasy for as long as needs be.

“Yes, well I had a conversation with my mother and let’s just say my mind has been a little more convinced.”

Robin looked smug, but that quiet kind of smug that clearly hadn’t been intentional. He busied himself with the napkin that had been fastened into a swan, ripping it apart so to dab at the pasta stains marking his lips before throwing it back down onto the table into a crumpled mess of its once beautiful self.

“Might I ask what it was that changed your mind?” he questioned, a little more hopeful now.

Regina felt a little awkward in his enquiry, she knew her truthful answer wouldn’t have been something Robin would take kindly too. Nor would it have boosted his already overly fragile ego, but then again it had never been Regina’s job to take care of that.

She thought carefully on an answer, thinking of all the possible outcomes for each reply, considering just upping and leaving but deciding against that as the fear of her mother had always been somewhat louder than that option.

“Well I could ask you the same, I hadn’t exactly been as _polite_ as I could have been during our last encounter,” Regina laughed, hoping he wouldn’t bait her with his questions for much longer. A sigh of relief dripping into her glass of wine as Robin had seemingly left his comment alone so to answer the question.

“Cora mentioned something of a bad breakup recently, and how you’d been a little scared to jump back into anything,” Robin was barely giving his date attention as eyes were fixed on the pasta he had so hungrily dived into.

But Regina had been thankful he hadn’t been staring, for she wasn’t been able to stop the frown that was sewing itself to her cheeks.

What on earth had her mother been talking about behind her back, the only _recent breakup_ Regina could think of was one her mother had so painfully caused herself.

The brunette cleared her throat to try and rid herself from the sudden stormy mood, still not gaining any attention from the man in front.

“Well I’m glad to know my mother is spreading intimate details of my life with people I barely know,” Regina whispered through a sharp tongue, she hadn’t meant for it to spill but the anger that was brewing like sickness in her stomach forced the words to break into the air between her and her _date_.

Robin was practically jumping up from his side of the table, reaching forward to hold onto Regina’s wrist. A move the brunette had instantly looked down upon to scowl at.

“No! no it was nothing like that, she just wanted to reassure me that it wasn’t well…me!” He argued and in that moment all Regina had wanted to do was laugh, because well, him being _him_ was exactly the reason she hadn’t wanted to engage romantically.

She hadn’t replied to his comment, slowly peeling her eyes from glaring at his softening grip and forcing a smile to pull at her stubborn lips.

“I’m sorry, I just get so nervous,” Robin laughed, taking his thumb to gently caress where his hand had been gripping Regina’s tanned wrist.

“It’s fine, my mother just-” but she hadn’t continued, pulling free from Robins grip as she relaxed a little into the plastic smile, so that it felt and looked a little more genuine. She thought it best not to gossip about her mother to the man Cora had wrapped so neatly around her little finger. “How’s the job?”

“It’s good, just finalising a few details but I should be starting on Monday,” he nodded off his words.

“And are you excited?”

“Yes of course,” he answered immediately, but his eyes dug deep into the frown Regina had been wearing, “Is there some reason why I shouldn’t?” he was laughing, but there was something behind the sound and a glint in his eyes that was telling Regina he was nervous again.

“I would tread carefully around my mother,” Regina mused, taking a sip of her wine after speaking – leaving her date in an unbearable amount of anxious silence. “But no, no reason you shouldn’t be excited,” she followed her words with a small smile, teasing with him now and slowly feeling a little more in control of this whole situation.

Robin nodded, sighing as quietly as he could before adjusting himself in the seat.

“If you’ll excuse me,” he said through a strained smile, the nerves finally getting the better of him as he rushed out to the bathroom.

Regina laughed to herself, her fingers dancing around the ridge of her glass as she began plotting other ways of sabotaging the date.

Her thoughts were disrupted by the buzz of her phone, followed by the flash of light of her screen. Her eyes removed themselves from glistening in the pool of red to read over the notification, expecting it to be Mary-Margaret being distastefully cheery in checking how things were going.

But she was surprised when she saw it had been far from that.

The notification was from Twitter, a direct message. A direct message from Emma.

Regina straightened herself in her chair, clearing her throat before going to pick at the message. She must have looked unbelievably awkward, not that she had cared, or rather, not that she had cared for long. Her feelings changed much sooner than expected when she read through the message.

_E: Your date is a nervous wreck._

Regina’s head snapped from the message to the other side of the restaurant, a paleness flooding her cheeks. Another buzz.

_E: Other side of the room._

There was something so sinister in the messages and it almost made Regina a little nervous, but then she caught the blondes’ eyes and low and behold, there Emma sat with that playful smirk weaved into her painted lips.

And then Regina saw Killian, his back to her, thank god. But it hadn’t lessened the ill feeling she got when the memories of their last conversation started to play through her mind.

She saw Emma’s smile fade when Regina had placed her phone back onto the table – ignoring the messages and going back to pick angrily at the glass. But then there was another vibration.

_E: I just wanted to apologise, for everything that happened. Killian didn’t mean anything he said, he just gets mean when he’s been drinking._

Regina sighed, looking over the notification. Willing herself to just ignore the damn message, but something stronger had forced her hand to reach out and open it up. A sickness was rumbling like a tornado through her limbs, it saddened her when she re-read the part about Killian’s drinking. And for Emma to just so easily excuse his disgustingly crude behaviour could only prove how used to it she really was.

She hadn’t looked back up to Emma, for some reason she hadn’t felt brave enough.

_R: And you thought making fun of my date was the best way to go about that? And through Twitter Miss Swan really, how old are you?_

Although Regina hadn’t looked back to Emma’s corner of the room, she swore she could hear the woman sigh a loud and disappointed sigh.

_E: I’m sorry for that too, he seems nice. And I don’t have your number, how else was I supposed to get your attention? I didn’t think you would have much appreciated me throwing a piece of bread at your head._

Regina shook her head as a smallish smile replaced the frown, her thumbs skimming the keyboard as she searched for some sort of reply.

_R: It’s fine. I suppose you’re not wrong, he near enough has a breakdown every time I talk. And no._

_Throwing bread anywhere near me would have resulted in the very sudden ending of your life._

This time Regina had looked towards Emma to find the blonde staring with a smile down to her phone – her shoulders doing that thing they did whenever the blonde would laugh. And suddenly Regina felt a little warmer than when she had left her house and got into the car that evening.

_E: I would have come up and said hi in person, but I thought it was safer not to._

Regina turned back to face Emma after reading the message, to see the woman cock an eyebrow in her fiancés direction and it instantly clicked in her mind what the blonde had meant.

_R: Yes. You’re probably right._

Regina hadn’t left enough time for Emma to reply before she was messaging again.

_R: Who said I would’ve wanted you to say hi?_

Regina smirked down to her phone, taking another sip of her wine and purposely ignoring the corner of the room dominated by the blonde. Her smile bleeding into the red liquid with the sips she so eagerly took.

She thought maybe she could see Emma laughing a little in the corner of her eye, and as hard as it was, she kept her gaze down.

_E: When did I start needing permission?_

The brunette sneaked a small glance to the blonde who had been staring just as subtly back.

_R: Well, not that me giving my permission would matter anyway. We’ve already established how bad of a listener you are._

Emma faked being offended, taking a hand to press on her chest in the place her heart was, and Regina got a little nervous when she looked back to Killian – but he hadn’t seemed to care much about what the blonde had been doing for the entire time the two women had been messaging.

The next few messages were sent like bullets, neither one of the two allowing a single second to pass before replying.

_E: I’m more capable of things than you make me out to be._

_R: I very much doubt that Miss Swan._

_E: I’m 100% certain I could prove you wrong._

_R: And how are you planning on doing that?_

But Regina had slammed her phone back onto the counter before she had a chance to read Emma’s reply as Robin, who in the past five minutes she’d forgotten existed, came stumbling back from his bathroom trip and climbed into his chair.

“Did I miss much?” he was buttoning up his suit jacket as he spoke.

“Can’t imagine you would have when I’m sat here alone,” Regina knew he was joking, but she still had intentions on spoiling this date as much as she could so maybe the man would choose to leave her be on his own accord.

Robin looked like he wanted to make it clear he wasn’t being serious, but the disinterested look on his dates face caused a silence to engulf his unspoken words.

“Where were we?” he finally asked, making himself comfortable. But Regina’s phone had buzzed again. Twice. She looked to the notification and saw Emma’s name. Snatching the phone from Robin’s prying eyes she mouthed a sorry.

“It’s work,” she offered with a shrug, looking down to the messages.

_E: I’m sure there’s a few things I could make work…_

_E: I’m pretty good at making mac and cheese ;)_

_E: Regina if you could see how eager for your approval your date is…_

The winking face made Regina laugh a little, but she muted it, so not to draw too much attention from Robin.

_R: Being able to make mac and cheese proves absolutely nothing._

She ignored Emma’s remark on Robin, fighting the temptation to send a glare in her direction as Robin was now eyeing her with a smile.

“Something good I’m guessing?”

“What?”

“Well I just assumed…you-your smile?” Robin was stuttering with every inch of his sentence, but Regina hadn’t cared to notice too much as she was reaching to brush said smile with the tips of her fingers. She hadn’t even realised the curve was so greedy in the way it made a home on her cheeks.

 “Yes, something good I suppose,” she offered, forcibly weakening the smile in case Emma could see her being so happy in their secret messaging.

“I feel like we’ve only been talking about me this whole dinner,” Robin added, and Regina had to stifle a laugh – they’d barely spoken about anything for the entire time they’d been out. “Tell me something more about you, your work perhaps?” he asked gesturing down to the phone that had been sat dangerously close to the edge of the table.

Regina cleared her throat, taking in a breath before gathering the energy to continue.

“Well the show is still going strong, we start filming season four soon.”

Robin nodded, taking in the information. But when Regina came to a sudden stop, he seemed a bit lost for words.

Regina’s phone buzzed again, she looked down but hadn’t picked up instantly like the last time. She knew Emma had been watching and she wanted to let the blonde know she hadn’t been eager to read the message.

Instead she shoved the device further from her, feeling the blondes disappointed eyes follow the movements from across the restaurant.

“My life isn’t all that interesting. What’s it like working in law?” she asked instead, fingers dancing over the screen of her phone but her eyes still purposely ignoring the flashing. She could feel the need for a reply pouring messily from the blonde in a strong tide of emotion.

“Boring,” was all Robin had to say in a laugh, finding himself funnier than apparently Regina had, as all she could muster was a small chuckle. “It’s a lot of old business tycoons getting into a lot of trouble and expecting me to fix it with the click of my fingers.”

“We can’t expect a whole lot from people whose industries are built on lies and drugs,” Regina mumbled, gesturing for the waiter to fill her wine glass.

“I can’t argue with you on that,” Robin sighed, and it sounded as though he was speaking from experience now. But he instantly looked a little nervous, marrying his statement with a laugh as if he was immediately regretful of his side comment.

And as Robin had been drinking, Regina took her opportunity to look down to her phone once more.

_E: I think you’ll find being able to make mac and cheese proves everything, you just haven’t tried mine yet. Maybe once you’re done being doughy with your date, I could show you._

That was the third comment Emma had made on Robin.

_R: Mentioning my date three times in the same fifteen minutes…be careful now Miss Swan, you’re starting to sound a little jealous._

Regina had no idea where this was all coming from, she had no idea why all of a sudden, she hadn’t felt that same rage boiling through her veins and instead, her teasing was exactly that. Just a playful kind of teasing. There was nothing malicious behind her words, and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why.

Emma replied within the same minute.

_E: Well even if I had reason to be jealous, it wouldn’t be because of him._

Regina choked back a laugh, looking back up to see Robin swirling the wine he had had freshly poured before sipping at it lightly. And then she stopped smiling, feeling a heat in her cheeks. She wasn’t blushing, she didn’t blush. Emma Swan was not making her blush. It was hot in here, she thought that when she’d walked in that evening. And it must have been getting even hotter for a flush of warmth was cradling her jaw.

“Tonight has been nice,” Regina started, placing her phone on the table once more. “But I really should be getting back to my sitter.”

Robin pouted, his shoulders sinking into the rest of his body.

“Just when things were starting to get exciting.”

And Regina just stared at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to laugh but soon came to the realisation that the man was being deadly serious.

“Yes, it’s a shame,” she added, eyebrows knitting together as genuine confusion was flooding her mind.

The two fought on the bill but Robin won, and so Regina started to collect her things, slipping her coat back over her shoulders.

When they walked out, Regina tried hard to keep her eyes front, so not to slip into a staring contest with the blonde. Feeling refreshed as she finally reached the freedom of being outside.

“We should do this again sometime,” Robin offered.

Regina smiled a closed smile so the sigh that was forming in her throat hadn’t been given any means of escape.

“Tonight, was…enjoyable” she repeated from earlier with a little less enthusiasm, not wanting to accept or decline his offer.

“Let me take your number and I’ll message you,” he seemed a lot more confident now as he eagerly slid his phone from his pocket. Regina took the device and grudgingly started to punch the digits into his phone book. Handing it back with a tiny bit of reluctance, she thought about throwing the metal out into the far distance of the darkened street, but realised that might be a bit too much.

Instead she let herself be pulled into an awkward hug before getting into the car that had been sat outside waiting for her arrival.

 

* * *

 

Regina flopped into her house, breaking her feet away from the heels as she shoved them to the side. Sliding down the frame of the front door and thinking of the sweet bliss some sleep would do for her pounding headache.

Mary-Margaret heard the slam of the wood and came scurrying to meet the brunette who had wanted nothing more than a few moments of peace.

“How did it go!” she asked eagerly.

“It was fine,” Regina muttered, pushing past the bouncing woman to go pour herself a glass of water.

“Just fine?” Mary-Margaret replied with a sigh, ignoring Regina’s blatant lack in energy to converse further with her.

“Yes, just fine.”

“Well do you think you’ll see him again.”

“Not that I have a choice.”

“What?”

Regina turned on her heel.

“Yes, I’ll probably be seeing him again. And If I’m _really lucky_ we’ll get married and move into some nice stately home in England where I’ll more than happily become some step-ford wife, stay at home mom.” Mary-Margaret thought for a moment, and Regina hoped to god she would just leave.

 “Well that sounds lovely Regina, but I don’t think he would make you move to England if you both have jobs over here,” she teased, clearly not picking up on the sarcasm and taking Regina’s words completley literally. The brunette let a sigh turn her back around, so she could finally fill the glass she had been holding for so long with water.

“That’ll be all for tonight,” Regina motioned with her hand for Mary-Margaret to leave and thankfully this time her nanny had picked up on the obvious – being more than happy to gather her things and disappear to her own home.

Regina was left in a perfect kind of silence following Mary-Margaret’s departure, the clock she had detested at the start of the night was now her only company – and there was something that was as equally sad as it was comforting about that.

She sat at the table, thinking back over the night. Falling deep into thoughts about Emma Swan – her mind like a jigsaw of emotion. A stupidly old jigsaw where no two pieces would ever slot together. So, she was left in a tangled mess of confusion as the puzzle slowly became even harder to solve. This whole situation was eating away at her like she was a never ending meal.

Her fingers acted faster than her thoughts, and soon enough she was picking up her phone to add a further message to the conversation, only to see Emma had already messaged her first.

 _E: I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting recently._ Regina sighed, an eyeroll marrying the breath.

_R: You really should stop apologising to me. You have no reason to._

_E: Well it’s a little hard not to feel bad when you’re practically threatening to kill me with just one look._ Regina prepared herself to type, but nothing would form. She had no idea what to say to that, so she just denied it completely.

_R: Don’t be so childish, I look at you how I would anyone else._

_E: Okay, but we all know **that’s** a huge lie._

The brunette knew exactly what glare Emma had been talking about, and she felt an ounce of guilt accompany the water as she took another small sip. 

_R: Emma you fight me at every given moment my glares are used simply to ward you off, what do you expect? I’m hardly about to sit down and braid your hair when your childish stubbornness is all I receive in return._

Regina sighed, Emma having broken the flow of endless replies, leaving a silent two minutes that left Regina feeling a little anxious.

_E: It’s easier than having to sit in silence knowing you hate me. At least I get to talk to you when we argue._

Regina sat back in shock. Emma used their arguments as an excuse to talk to her? 

_E: And I know, I’m the last person you would want to talk to. But there’s still a small part of me that’s a little hopeful._

_R: Why are you suddenly so urgent to be my friend?_

_E: I don’t know. Why are you so urgent not to be mine?_

Regina hadn’t replied after that. She hadn’t ever really thought about the reason she hadn’t wanted to be Emma’s friend – she just knew she desperately didn’t. And then the brunette was closing the app and ignoring the message as thoughts about being that close to Emma were sending happy shockwaves through her body. She didn’t want that, she didn’t need that, and she certainly didn’t want Emma to know that.

She stopped replying completley, finishing off her water and going upstairs to try and force her body to rest a little before morning.

* * *

 

27/09/17

Regina had been peeling apples in the kitchen, Henry chatting loudly to himself in the next room over. The brunette panicking a little when a silence swept through the house, only to feel relief upon seeing an awestruck Henry scamper in like a small puppy to yap at her side. His tablet in hand and a speechless kind of breath escaping his lips. Regina released the peeler but still held her apple close in grip, turning with a smile that was silently commanding Henry to speak whatever it was taking hold of his mind.

“The new film mom!” he was rushing his words and Regina could only blink in response, having not an ounce of understanding. “The new Buzz Lightyear film!” he continued after a moment of waiting too long for Regina to join in his celebrations.

The brunette thought for a second, and then it clicked. She’d vaguely remembered more than ten mentions of this film in the past week and Henry had been nothing but excited.

“Look, the trailers out,” He was thrusting the tablet in her face as he continued to press play on the video and, well, the film hadn’t looked as god awful as she had been expecting it to be.

She continued watching but halfway through something in her mind started blaring out a recognizable tune as one of the characters appeared on screen, she knew that voice but couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

Henry retracted his gadget before Regina had been given opportunity to see the name accompanying the character, clutching onto it with dear life. His teeth biting into his bottom lip as he started hopping expectantly up and down.

“Is that something you’d like to see Henry?” Regina finally asked, thinking it cruel of her to not act on her sons’ desperate pleas.

He shook his head yes, furiously jumping up into the air out of pure childish eagerness. Regina cocked her head to the side, using her free hand to press firmly against her hip. Making it clear she was searching for a different kind of answer.

“Yes please,” Henry added through bitten back tears of joy. Regina nodded, taking the hand that was planted on her hip to run messily through Henry’s hair.

“We’ll see it as soon as it’s released,” she smiled back down to him, and the sheer delight that was dripping from the toothy grin was everything Regina had hoped to see for the rest of her life.

But when Henry had run away again to go play Regina couldn’t help but google the cast, she knew that woman’s voice, but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out who the hell it was.

“Of course,” she mumbled under her breath. Because of course it had been.

Under the name of the character sat in bold Emma Swan. Regina placed her phone on the counter, acting as though she hadn’t cared in the slightest – replacing the gadget for the knife as she continued to chop the now naked apples.

But her fingers where itching to do something her mind had tried to fight so hard to stop. They went to pick the phone up again, launching the twitter app and opening up Emma’s messages. Emma’s question from last night was still left unanswered, but Regina ignored that.

_R: Congratulations on the release of your film._

She wanted to leave it at that, but her fingers were working faster than her mind.

_R: Why didn’t you tell me about?_

She closed the app and went back to her apples once more.

Minutes had passed and still she had no reply, she tried hard to convince herself that the silence wasn’t boring a heavy dread into her mind, but the way she dropped the knife and raced to pick up her phone, and the relief that was colouring her cheeks when she saw Emma had finally messaged back told a whole other story.

_E: Thank you! But when exactly was I supposed to announce that? Should I have dropped it in one of our arguments? or should I have shouted it out to you when you were actively avoiding me at cons?_

Her message read as angry but Regina new the exact tone Emma had been taking with her, and she knew full well the blonde would be carrying that smug smile on her lips. Regina felt stupid suddenly, so she replied with a simple ‘shut up.’ And then she messaged again, for a reason completley unknown to her.

_R: Henry’s been talking about it for weeks, he’s just been practically begging me to go this afternoon._

_E: Henry?_

_R: I assume you know who my son is, Emma. You definitely spend enough of your time with him._

_E: Well I obviously know who Henry is but that’s not what I meant… I just hadn’t realised he was the reason you found out._

_R: Well I wasn’t stalking you, if that’s what you’re implying._

_E: I wouldn’t put it past you._

_E: And I wouldn’t have minded if you did._

Regina felt something hot spread in her cheeks, she caught a glimpse of the red staining her as a permanent marking of the flush. But it wasn’t Emma’s doing, the oven was on and the kitchen was warming.

Her jaw was tightening in an uncomfortable way that also for some reason felt good, she couldn’t understand it well enough in her mind but whatever this feeling was she hadn’t minded if it made home in her for a while.

_E: The premiere is soon._

Regina rolled her eyes. Emma had always one for pointing out the obvious.

_R: That is generally what happens for a film’s release, yes._

_E: Well if you’re going to be rude, I won’t tell you my proposition._

Regina swallowed the lump that was slowly forming, licking at her lips. She had no idea why that message was sending out a flurry of mixed emotion through her. But it had. And now she was intrigued.

_R: Proposition?_

Was all Regina could ask in reply.

_E: Killian can’t make the premiere, so If Henry wanted too…_

Regina’s eyes widened at the message, but her face quickly scrunched into an irritated frown.

_R: Miss Swan, if you think you’ve worked your way well enough into my good books to take Henry for an evening – you are sorely mistaken._

_E: Well then, I guess you’ll have to come too._

Emma’s reply was the quickest it had been thus far. It was almost suspicious, like she had the message already typed out, ready to ask Regina to attend with the both of them. The brunette felt her throat tighten as her breathing was quickening and her swallowing was forming into a waterfall in the back of her mouth.

She cleared her throat to rid herself from the heat that had coursed from her cheeks through to the rest of her body.

It hadn’t worked.

She thought long and hard about her reply, telling herself that if she were to accept the offer it would all be for Henry. Because there was no way in hell Regina was going to let the blonde idiot take hold of her son on her own for an entire evening. But also because it was easier than having to admit she might not mind seeing Emma again. She sighed, she was stuck. Swallowing again she finally typed out a reply.

_R: When is it._

Regina closed her eyes, attacking her lips with the tip of her tongue once more before looking down to the vibrating phone in her hand.

_E: Next week._

_E: I knew you’d cave._

_R: It’s for Henry, Emma. Don’t get excited._

_E: How could I not? I’ll send over details later, see you soon Regina._

Regina locked her phone, clutching it to her chest much like her son had done with his tablet moments before. But then she pulled the metal away and threw it down on the side after feeling her heart-warming a little too much at the thought of spending time with Emma.

Emma had done as promised and sent through the details of the event, adding a kiss at the end of the message. Regina didn’t reply.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I'm hoping the content is sweet enough that you won't mind too much. 
> 
> And another quick thank you to everyone who's been reading and commenting and promoting it on twitter, I really appreciate all the support and if I'm being honest I'm still a little shook that you actually like it! anyway, I hope you enjoy and I promise it only gets better for our stupid gays from here on out!!

**29/09/17**

“Regina,” no reply. “Oh my god, Regina,” still no reply.

Zelena took a hand to whack at her friends’ arm, receiving a wince and an evil scowl.

“What?” Regina finally replied, her voice commanding and stern in her demanding question. 

“Nothing, you were just doing that thing again,” Zelena shrugged, going back to focus on her phone – ignoring Regina’s confused sigh and waving hand gestures that clearly meant she wanted nothing more than an explanation.

“What thing?” she asked, grudgingly giving into temptation. Zelena tilted her head in reply, but soon enough brought it back up to centre when she gauged that Regina really had no idea what she was on about.

“That staring at Emma thing,” and the face Zelena pulled was halfway between smug and annoyed, and her voice was lilting with something knowing. But again, the ginger had pulled out of the conversation before Regina could even think about her reply.

“I wasn’t staring at Emma,” she mumbled the words so softly under her breath that Zelena hadn’t heard, or more likely she had simply chosen to ignore the brunette’s denial.

Regina’s gaze was dangerous in its playing around the scene in front of her. A sigh freezing in the cold air when she saw the tight grip that Killian had on his fiancée.

The cast had been called for some sort of meeting that Regina hadn’t actually payed attention to – if it was that important it would spring up again. But for now, she sat with a silent mouth and a loud mind.

It’d become a natural occurrence for her friend to be blathering on about something in her ear, and for her to drown the noise out so she could sort through the messy thoughts. It was the perfect opportunity.

Emma was across from her, stiff against Killian and plastic in her responses. She caught Regina staring, smiling a half smile. The brunette didn’t pull away as she usually would have. Her eyes caving into the hook her fiancé had on her, his hands tugging possessively at the blonde – it made Regina feel as uneasy as Emma looked. She nodded her head once, eyebrows cocking in a kind of ‘you okay?’ way. Emma’s eyes fluttered shut, a sigh visibly leaving her lips through a white cloud of air before she nodded back, mouthing a small _yeah_.

Regina looked away then.

 

* * *

 

**06/10/17**

Emma and Regina had argued on and off for the days leading up to the premiere about transportation. The blonde insisting on having her car sent round to pick them up so that they could all arrive together. Which only made sense seeing as Regina and Henry had been Emma’s guests.

But _obviously_ Regina thought otherwise and insisted she and Henry would get their own car to drive them – an argument only brought on because Regina was stubborn and reluctant to stop quarrelling with Emma, things had started to get a little too comfortable between the two and she wasn’t about to let anything more than mutual coldness settle between them.

Emma won the argument. And Regina couldn’t not let it put a strain on her mind.

The brunette was stood in her dressing gown, eyeing her wardrobe and finding herself lost in thought of what the hell she was going to wear. She’d bought four new dresses that week – her mind kept changing. She was indecisive apparently. Which was odd, because usually she wouldn’t have an issue deciding something so simple. But for some reason this week she couldn’t make up her stupid mind because nothing seemed _good enough_.

Henry shuffled in without announcing himself, fumbling around with a tie and obviously struggling. Regina smiled, taking her hands off her hips.

She knelt down in front of her still son, taking the fabric into her own hold to tie it properly around his neck. He hadn’t stopped smiling since being told of tonight’s events, and even though the grin was muted now, it was still blatantly obvious how excited he was.

“I told you Emma was cool,” Henry muttered through his smile, peeking down to catch Regina’s reaction. She hadn’t pulled her focus from his tie, even though she’d finished tucking it in ages after he’d spoken.

“It was kind of her to offer,” Regina replied, smiling up to him before pushing up off the floor to retrace her steps back to the wardrobe.

“You should wear that one,” Henry pointed to one of the simpler white dresses Regina had picked out that week. She plucked it from her wardrobe, eyeing the garment and noticing now that the neckline was lower than she’d remembered. “She’ll like that,” Henry added quietly. Regina snapped her head in the direction of her son who was smiling another toothy grin – taking his quick exit and disappearing from Regina’s beady glare.

She eyed the doorway for a moment longer. Peering back to the dress she still held out at arm’s length.

Sighing, she decided to stick with it, telling herself repeatedly that this was all for Henry.

After looking at herself in the mirror once more she realised that this was perhaps a little too revealing for a children’s film premiere. Her chest was on full show, and if she moved around even slightly the slit in the fabric revealed the whole of her tanned leg.

But then the doorbell rang.

She shut her eyes tight, looking to the time. It was too late to change now but there was a swimming pool of nerves filling her stomach and she had half a thought of just calling in sick.

But the sound of Henry’s pattering feet running down the stairs and towards the door was what lulled her to exit her bedroom.

“Emma!” Henry exclaimed, Regina stood just outside of her door, taking in deep breaths before feeling her way down the stairs.

“Hey kid.”

Henry came back into view, tugging Emma along by her arm. Regina stopped in her tracks upon seeing the blonde wrapped up neatly in a black and white suit. Her hand tightened around the banister and her eyes were fixing into the chosen apparel. She was trying hard not to gasp and focusing even more so on keeping her breathing steady.

Emma’s hair had been braided and tied back in a tight ponytail and her lips were painted in a deep kind of red that she hadn’t seen on the woman before. It was nice, more than nice, but Regina had no capabilities of thinking up a more creative word as of that moment.

Emma was laughing at Henry who had been talking and jumping and pulling at her sleeve. But soon her eyes were trailing to meet the place Regina had stopped, her lips parting as she very openly took in every inch of the brunette.

Regina watched Emma’s eyes hungrily lapping at the olive skin she had been so careless in showing.

Feeling her mind spring back into action, she took the remaining steps down to the two who were gawping up to her. Momentarily distracting the glare splashing from the sea green eyes below.

Regina approached her son, smiling down to him in a desperate attempt not to meet Emma’s burning stare.

“Regina, you look-” but Emma hadn’t continued, and that willed Regina to look up once more. Noticing now that the abrupt end of her sentence hadn’t been stopped by choice. Emma’s chest was tightening in the white shirt with every second she spent mapping out Regina’s body.

“Should I take that as a compliment?” Regina teased, slowly beginning to feel like herself once again and instantly snapping Emma out of the trance she had so _easily_ fallen into.

“You look really good,” Emma gulped out in a laugh, her hands screwing further into her trouser pockets as she took a step out of the way to let the two out of the door.

Regina smiled, wanting to reply with something. But her mouth and mind weren’t in agreement. Her tongue swirled round to skim at the dried out inner-cheeks as she felt herself fall into Emma’s eyes even further than she already had done.

Mother and son walked out hand in hand, Emma trailing lazily behind them.

But then Regina turned instantly on her heel, being met with an Emma who was now only centimetres away. The blonde gasped again, automatically bringing her hands up to meet the thing that she had very nearly toppled into – which of course happened to be Regina.

Emma’s pale hands buried themselves into Regina’s hips, her fingers embedding and forcing dents into the skin that lay burning beneath her grip.

The brunette hadn’t removed herself from the touch. Gasping in unison with Emma but doing nothing to lessen the awkwardness of the situation.

“I need to lock my door,” Regina squeezed through tight lips.

Emma took in a sharp breath, snatching her hands from where they had unconsciously been planted, so she could slide from being in the way. She retracted her steps to go stand next to a bored looking Henry.

“We’re going to be late!” Henry begged when Regina had taken her time in locking the door so to regain her breath a little. She beamed a smile at him.

“I’m done, let’s go.”

This time Emma paced in front, keeping her head down until they got to the car.

 

* * *

 

The premiere was nothing Regina hadn’t seen before, but for some reason that sickening pool of nerves still hadn’t been drained from her body. And instead she thought maybe it had got worse.

The three of them climbed out, Regina clinging onto Henry for dear life and Emma awkwardly standing beside them.

But before they had even been given the chance to take a single step onto the red-carpet Regina finally found the source for her anxiety.

She pulled at Emma’s wrist, to which the blonde had instantly looked down – but instead of yanking her arm away she took a step closer to see what Regina wanted.

“Isn’t Killian going to have something to say about this?” she spat out in a whisper that was loud enough for Emma to hear but not loud enough to be heard over the camera’s and crowds of people shouting their name.

Emma rolled her eyes, a reassuring smile teasing her lips.

“Fuck Killian,” she whispered softly into Regina’s ear. And the brunette couldn’t help the redness from flooding her cheeks as if the heat from Emma’s breath was painting the side of her neck. She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry, so she just let an awkward kind of smile form. “Come on,” Emma smiled to the two of them, forcing her hand’s back into her trouser pockets as she led the three of them down the walk way.

The two had been tentative in touching, as neither one was really sure what was deemed as too much right now. And Regina hadn’t been sure when, but at some point, Emma had slipped a hand to wrap around the small of her back. And when the feeling of Emma’s fingers dancing against the fabric of her dress became noticeable, the smile slipped from her lips. But she didn’t pull away.

Henry was standing just in front of the two, tall and proud and smiling from ear to ear.

Emma turned to look at Regina, her smile sweet and her staring just as soft. Regina hadn’t looked back, but she felt the nearing presence of the blonde pulling closer.

“I think you’re actually fooling them into thinking you like me,” Emma laughed into Regina’s hair, pulling away slower than she should have. And Regina felt her heart pump faster in her chest at the contact.

“Don’t get cocky, Miss Swan,” Regina replied through clenched teeth, her smile never for one second wavering. Emma’s eyes lingered on Regina’s lips for a moment longer than the brunette had spent talking before pulling away to face the cameras again.

The crowd had slowly started filling the theatre, and Regina secretly hoped Henry would have acted as a barrier between the two women in the seats, but he was overly eager and had already taken place deep into the row. Meaning Emma was sat in the middle of them both. Regina eyed the two before releasing a sigh, taking her chair whilst subtly trying to get as much distance between them both as she could.

Emma was leaning more so towards Henry, joking and playing with him. And this time Regina’s urge to pull the two apart was significantly smaller than it had ever been.

But then there was that unreadable sadness picking at the corners of her upturned lips. Tugging wistfully at the smile in a lazy attempt to withdraw the content feeling she felt sifting into her mind. Instead of pondering any longer Regina turned to face the front of the room.

Moments later Emma shifted herself in the chair so that she was relaxed into the cushion. Regina eyed her cautiously, to find the blonde sat so casually. She was slouched far into the crease of the seat, her left leg crossed over her right and the hand closest to Regina being used as a hold for her head – the blondes elbow using the same rest as the brunette’s had been. Their two arms were dangerously close. But neither one made an attempt to close the gap, yet they hadn’t felt the need to pull away to safety either.

The slight buzz of conversation was dispersing into silence as the room slowly drowned into darkness ready for the film to begin.

Emma adjusted her position again, her arm nudging at Regina’s slightly, purely by accident. But it sent a shockwave of electricity to shoot through her clothed skin and a flush of heat to pour into her tanned cheeks once more.

 

* * *

 

Regina had vowed right at the start of the night that her and Henry wouldn’t be staying longer than needs be at the after party. So, when she turned to see that the two chairs beside her were draped with her sleeping son, her frown faded into a smile with a sigh of relief.

Emma had been schmoozing with co-stars and people Regina had recognised but didn’t quite know for the past half an hour. She hadn’t minded the absence of the blonde towards the end of her evening, but she hadn’t been able to pry her stare from moving with Emma’s constant flowing through the room. Only for single moments pulling away to check on the boy she held softly under the weight of her hand, his back rising and falling so slowly with each breath. How he could sleep so contently in a crowd as loud and rambunctious as this was completley beyond her.

“He looks how I feel.”

Emma caught Regina in one of the small moments her focus had been on Henry, her laugh gently marrying her words in a hushed kind of sigh.

“We should be heading back,” Regina replied, her eyes lingering on her son as her hand danced circles in his back. When she returned Emma’s gaze, she saw the blonde’s smile was melting into more of a frown. But one of those frowns she tried to mask in a feeble smile. Regina saw Emma swallow before a grin had been forced back onto her cheeks.

“Yeah,” she sighed pensively. Her hands lacing around her waist.

Regina swallowed hard, her legs swinging round from where they’d been crossed over, taking her grip from the warmth of her son’s back so that her hands could knit together. Emma’s attention being drawn to the movement, her eyes catching the slit Regina had been so wary in holding together. She felt a heat rise in her cheeks but held her head down to look at Henry, so the flush couldn’t be seen by Emma’s nosy eyes.

The brunette stood, almost a little too quickly – her head fizzing with dizziness and her vision going blurry for only a second.

She looked back up to Emma, hand’s still tangling into knots and mind still flooding with a dizzy kind of headache – but looking up to meet Emma’s eyes, she wasn’t sure if that was from moving too quickly or something else entirely.

“He was really grateful,” Regina started with a laugh, turning her head back to gesture at the sleeping boy. Emma joined in nervously, her hands slipping from her waist to fit into her trouser pockets. “Thank you for this,” She continued once she’d faced forwards again. Emma waited a moment before talking, only getting louder when she saw Regina flinch to move away from the conversation.

“Thank you for coming,” she smiled, a hand reaching out to tap at Regina’s wrist before she had chance to escape.

“I don’t think he would have let me forget it if I said no,” the brunette added flippantly. Emma forced out a laugh.

“I did enjoy it though,” Emma beamed. “It was nice not to argue for once. Perhaps you aren’t as evil as I once thought,” she laughed, and really Regina knew she meant it as a joke, but she couldn’t help let confusion spill in the form of aggravation. She crossed her arms around her chest, stepping back a little.

“ _Evil_?” she asked, her words leaving a bitter taste on her tongue – but she hadn’t seemed to care for upset was flooding as quickly through her body as blood pumps through her veins, taking over her limbs with an aggressive pull.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, Regina,” she was pleading a little now, and her voice was wobbling – trembling almost

“We should be leaving,” Regina turned sharply on her heel, busying herself with waking her son. There was a sigh directly behind her, but she hadn’t given into the temptation of turning.

“Regina I really didn’t mean anything. I just like to think I’m funny,” she attempted to laugh again – but it was weak and desperate. It was Regina’s turn to fill the conversation with a sigh, but she didn’t respond. She’d barely made any effort to wake Henry, and at this point was only using him as an excuse so not to face Emma. “I meant it when I said I wanted to be friends,” the blonde mumbled dumbly.

Regina’s eyes shut tight before she turned.

“And I meant it when I asked you _why_ ,” she demanded, hands crossing defensively over her chest again. Emma rolled her eyes automatically and received another much more irritated sigh from Regina – with which she sunk back into her shoulders. Visibly scolding herself mentally.

“What’s the big deal Regina?” Emma sighed, regaining an ounce of confidence in her words. “I’m hardly asking for much, I just thought maybe I wasn’t the only one tired of these hateful little games we play,” Emma mocked, rolling her eyes.

Regina cleared her throat awkwardly, trying to rid herself of the lump that was forming too quickly in her throat for her to comprehend.

“And that’s your only reason?” Regina hadn’t been sure why she’d asked, but the question was slipping from her tongue before her mind had a chance to catch up. Emma’s eyebrows knitted into one another, a flash of something Regina hadn’t been sure of was running like lakes through the forest green of her eyes.

“Yes,” the word was wobbly as it fell from her lips. “Why else?” she asked, and Regina had been sure Emma was daring her to say something she hadn’t found the words to describe yet. She just bobbed her head in a single nod instead.

“I’m so-,” Regina started in a quiet voice, her eyes dancing around Emma’s frame as if her search of the frail figure would make the words magically appear. “I should get Henry back,” that hadn’t been what she’d wanted to say. Nothing like what she had wanted to say, she’d wanted to apologise. Apologise for being so quick to jump down her throat, so quick to attack her when really Emma hadn’t meant any harm. But it was the only thing willing to slip from her lips.

The brunette turned once more but was stopped in her moving further towards Henry by Emma’s calling out.

“Wait, don’t wake him.”

Regina sighed, looking to Emma quizzically.

“Well I’m not about to leave him here for the evening.”

Emma rolled her eyes playfully, the rosy colour tinting her cheeks once more as a genuine smile laced into her lips. The blonde took gentle steps past Regina, kneeling down to the boy who still lay so quiet.

Regina couldn’t get a good look at what she was doing, but seeing the blonde turn once more, found Emma had scooped her son tightly into her arms. His head resting on her chest and his sleep seemingly undisturbed. She smiled a little unconsciously, but wiped her cheeks clean from the smirk quickly before Emma had a chance to see.

“And how do I get him into bed without you? Really Miss Swan, this is kind of unnecessary,” Regina argued taking a step forwards to place a hand on Henry’s sweaty forehead. Emma looked down to her with a smile.

“You came in my car, Regina,” Emma laughed, and Regina went an embarrassing shade of red. She didn’t care for the blonde’s teasing but didn’t argue with it either.

“I forgot,” Regina mumbled, daring to meet Emma’s eyes. The both of them falling into a silent kind of staring. The brunette bit at her lip, suddenly annoyed at herself for forgetting and annoyed now for being the reason Emma would have to leave so early. The blonde looked deeper into Regina’s expression, noticing how her mood had changed so dramatically.

“Besides, the party was getting a little tedious,” she reassured the brunette, looking around at the crowds of people with distaste in her stare. Regina forced a plastic smile to replace the frown, taking the lead and charging the three out of the room.

The air was cold, and only now that she stood outside did she finally feel the heat that was rising through her body – the winds slapping it viciously from her.

She opened the door for Emma to slip Henry into the back seat. The woman doing so easily and taking a small step back to click the door shut quietly. And now they stood centimetres apart. Neither one saying anything, but a million thoughts raced in the air between them.

Regina pulled away first, slipping into the other side of the car.

 

* * *

 

The three of them stood on the mansion’s porch. Henry wrapped neatly into Emma’s embrace and Regina turning the key in her door. Swinging the wood open and allowing entrance for her guest and son.

“His bedroom’s upstairs. Second door on the right,” Regina mumbled, only turning back for a second to see Emma smiling a wide smile to the boy who slept so sweetly in her cradling arms. She nodded, padding up the stairs to follow Regina’s orders.

Regina let a breath slip out in a deep kind of sigh, her hand reaching out to rub at her temples to try and prevent an inevitable migraine from forming.

Almost out of habit she dragged her heels towards the bar, reaching out to the apple cider. Only after having done so did she realise she’d poured two drinks instead of the usual one. And then she heard Emma running back down the stairs, the blonde standing awkwardly in the archway – a dumb smile playing at her upturned lips.

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out and so instead she thrusted – rather abruptly - one of the glasses in Emma’s direction. To which the blonde just raised an eyebrow, hesitating before taking the drink.

“Thanks,” she murmured. Regina nodded, brushing past Emma to enter another room. She was joined shortly by the blonde who had taken the hint almost instantly.

They perched on either ends of the sofa, sipping quietly at their drinks. Regina wishing she hadn’t so urgently and willingly given the drink – because then she wouldn’t have had the chance to say what she said in the next few moments.

“When you said earlier, about me being nice _sometimes_. What did you mean?” Regina had no idea where the hell that had been pulled from. She couldn’t even look at Emma, and instead her eyes were swirling in the burnt orange liquid sat in her lap. “I know I’m not the kindest, and I can be _harsh_. But I hardly think that makes me evil,” she sipped at her drink. Thinking back to a time Henry hadn’t taken to kindly to her parenting, screaming out how badly he hates her and how _evil_ she thinks she is. And now that word triggered thoughts of a darker time when she’d got scared of turning into her mother.

“I really didn’t mean anything-”

“Emma please,” Regina held out a hand, her palm flat and indicating for Emma to stop with the excuses. “Whether you were joking or not, you still said it. Which means it has to come from some sort of truth.” Emma sighed.

“You aren’t evil Regina,” Emma slipped through tight lips. Regina finally looked up, her eyes hopeful and expecting and sad all at once and it stopped Emma from continuing for just a single moment. “It’s just whenever I try to talk to you or have any kind of normal conversation, you shut me down.” She sighed, pressing her lips together. “And the whole thing with me spending time with Henry,” she sighed again looking to the stairs she had just traipsed up and down. Regina didn’t have it in her to contribute in the conversation in any other way than just staring pleadingly.

“You make me nervous, and it makes me stupid.”

“I-I make you…nervous?” Regina asked, a mixture of self-satisfaction and regret pouring into the words. Emma’s head fell low in embarrassment.

There was a beat of silence that felt almost an eternity too long.

“It’s getting late Regina,” Emma replied, the drink she had been choking in her grip was placed neatly on the edge of the coffee table. The blonde got up, straightening out her suit jacket before meeting Regina’s staring.

The brunette clicked almost a little too late, her mind lost in thought. She moved rigidly across to Emma.

“I’ll walk you out,” she gestured towards the door and Emma nodded.

The two walked out in military fashion, in a silence so thick it was strong enough to grip at Regina’s throat.

“Thank you, for the drink I mean,” Emma smiled lazily, brushing her upper arms with the palms of her hands in defence against the cold winds. Regina didn’t reply, she couldn’t. She had metaphorical fingers choking her, her words were forcibly gulping down into the nothingness of her stomach.

Emma took a cautious step forwards, her lips brushing against Regina’s cheeks as she pecked so delicately at the skin. Staying in the embrace for a moment too long and holding the closeness like it was her lifeline. Regina sucked in a breath, she was sure Emma heard but the woman hadn’t seemed to mind. Her tanned hands stuck in the place they’d swung at her sides, fists clenching into tight balls and not giving any indication of release.

And then the blonde was backing away to get a safe distance between them.

“Emma-”

“I’ll see you soon.”

Regina was left standing alone in her doorway, with nothing but the cold to keep her company.

 

* * *

 

Regina spent her evening the same as she would any other. Ending the night with a shower and a glass of cold water. She slipped into the sheets of her bed, shivering in the sudden coolness of the blankets.

Her phone vibrated once, accompanied with the usual flash of light that seemed to illuminate the entirety of the dark room.

Regina threw her arm to the bedside table with a groan, retrieving the metal to see what could possibly be so important she needed to be told right that second.

_E: If you really don’t want to be friends, I won’t take offence._

Emma’s voice replaying like a broken record in her mind, _you make me nervous_ was all she could hear over and over again. There was a small amount of guilt gnawing at her mind. She couldn’t forget how fragile Emma sounded when she’d admitted it.

_R: Why do I make you nervous?_

There was only a second without a reply.

_E: You’re never gonna let that go, huh?_

Regina could hear Emma laughing that nervous giggle she did whenever she was embarrassed, and a smile spread across her face at the thought.

_R: I don’t think so, Miss Swan. I’ll take it as a compliment._

_E: To clarify, it came out completely wrong. Nervous probably wasn’t the right choice of word._

Regina let out a chuckle, Emma’s defence was weak and so, so fake.

_R: I’m sure it did, Emma._

Regina still hadn’t told Emma if she wanted to be friends or not. Because the truth was, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about a lot of things now, and it scared every inch of her enough that she just wanted to leave things as they were for now. Whatever the hell that was. And when she thought about it, that was probably only feeding more into her anxious state of mind.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I'm sorry this is late but my rehearsals for an assessment I have next week have been crazy at the minute because apparently my uni think it's a good idea to only give us 2 weeks to create a 20 minute performance so the whole of yesterday I was extremely busy, not that anyone cares BUT oh well there's an insight into my boring life. But any way I hope you like this new chapter!

**Chapter Seven**

**26/10/17**

“I can’t express how sorry we are Miss Mills, I have no idea how this happened,” the clerk was sweating nervously, typing furiously into the system and very noticeably getting the results he hadn’t wanted.

“Being sorry isn’t going to fix anything is it?” she grumbled, her fingers tapping impatiently on the desk. It only made the mouse like boy all the more anxious as his search for answers became even more desperate.

The brunette eyed the panic in front of her, rolling her eyes before going to scan the room. Only to be met with a smiley Emma.

 _Brilliant_.

Regina felt something unrecognisable melt in her when she saw the blonde, flashbacks of their last conversation replaying in her mind. They’d barely spoken since, if at all. And this thought only added to why her anger had been so poignant in the first place.

She hadn’t smiled back, only withdrew the contact, so she could pin her glare on the receptionist with enough rage that it might make him magically find a solution. It hadn’t worked. And soon enough the pair were met with the blonde.

“Hey,” she breathed out, placing her suitcase on the floor. The traveling had made her tired and run down, but the smile was sweet all the same. Regina hadn’t replied, biting hard on her lips so to keep the insults from spilling inadvertently from them. Emma awkwardly turned her attention to the boy who was still typing down on the keyboard like his life depended on it. And it definitely did if Regina was mad.

“Hey, I have a room-” Emma started quietly, Regina watching as she went to go speak with another member of the reception. A little confused as to why the boy was sweating so profusely but ignoring it so she could get out of there.

“No, you don’t,” Regina didn’t meet the look that was thrown harshly in her direction but did take her lip back into her pearly prison. “ _We_ have a room,” she continued to bite out in a jagged type of irritated breath, she still hadn’t looked back at Emma.

“W-what,” the blonde whispered, looking between the frail boy and the woman who held him at gun point with her stare.

“Apparently, this hotel is incapable of making bookings and for some ungodly reason have given us the same room,” Regina was spitting venom, the boy below her actively avoiding her stare and trying his absolute hardest to find something on that computer of his. Emma was still confused, her lips parting. This time Regina did look. “They’ve double booked us Miss Swan,” Regina patronised her blonde companion, rolling her eyes at the blank expression written on Emma’s face.

“I gathered that,” Emma mumbled, clearly annoyed now that Regina had talked to her as if she were a child.

“But you haven’t heard the best part,” Regina whined, pawing at the counter and smiling sinisterly. “They don’t have any rooms left. None! Which is just so beyond perfect.”

Emma sneaked a glance at the receptionist, his face beating with red and his eyes straining to see the screen in front. She felt a little guilty, this probably wasn’t even his fault. He just got unlucky this morning with who he was serving.

“Where’s your manager?” Regina asked furiously impatient and bored of waiting now, she was done with the games.

“My manager?” the boy whimpered a little, his voice was suddenly tiny.

Regina let out a _yes,_ at the same time as Emma had butted in with a _no,_ which lead the two to stare awkwardly at one another.

“What do you mean _no_? Something obviously needs to be done and he’s about as useful as a brick wall,” Regina was nearly yelling now. Looking up at Emma but gesturing aggressively to the boy who flinched under the bat of her hand.

“Well,” Emma shrugged, her hands casually slipping into her back pockets as she rocked a little on her feet. “I don’t mind bunking, it’s only for a weekend,” she added, and although she casually shrugged again her words were painfully wracking with nerves.

Regina just stared at her dumbfounded, blinking irately at the blonde as she tried to process the invitation.

“Miss Swan, I don’t think-,” she tried to add but was stopped by the nearing blonde.

“Look Regina, you’re scaring the _shit_ out of this boy. Plus, it’s really not worth all the effort of finding somewhere else to go for three nights,” Emma sighed. Regina licked at her lips, eyeing the blonde nervously. She looked back down to the clerk who looked like he’d just been slapped with a relief so sweet he was ready to do anything for the blonde. She looked back to Emma, who was eyeing her with hopeful and silent pleas to just let this go.

“Well I’m not sleeping on the floor, and I’m certainly not sharing a bed with you,” Regina looked Emma up and down, her words lacked confidence, but her stance stayed strong. Emma sighed through a smile.

“Fine, whatever.”

“I’m sorry but, do you still need me to get my manager?” the boy asked, his voice on the verge of a whisper. He shrunk back down when Regina shot him a glare so evil, he was scared he wouldn’t make it out of this conversation alive.

“ _Okay_ , let’s go Regina,” Emma sighed, taking her suitcase and ushering for the brunette to take the lead to their room. She mouthed a thank you to the boy who looked more than grateful for their departure.

Regina walked in front, only a little, but enough that it forced a silence between them.

 

 

 _Their_ room. It was their room she was stood looking at. It felt weird to say that in her mind, she never thought she would have anything with Emma, she’d hated the woman for so long and now here they stood. Suitcases in hand and an awkward tension between them as they stood and stared at _their_ room. And this wasn’t exactly the end of the world, but it was in no way idealistic.

Emma tread carefully over to one of the draws, laying her suitcase down beside it. Regina fled to the opposite side of the room, her suitcase crashing heavily into the bed below it. Emma turned to see Regina unzipping the case, noticing how much bigger it had been than her little bag that sat untouched.

“Are you not unpacking?” Regina asked quietly, not taking her eyes from the dresses she always packed but never wore.

“Nah, I don’t see the point,” she shrugged, Regina scoffed but Emma didn’t comment on it. “So,” she extended the word, hesitating before pattering over the bed. She eyed Regina before she continued to sit on the edge in the corner furthest from the brunette. “What do you feel like doing for dinner?” Emma let the words wobble from her lips, and Regina paused. Sighing as she pressed her hands into a jacket before looking up.

“My dinner arrangements are hardly any of your concern.”

“I know, I just thought, this whole thing can’t get much worse. Why not get something to eat together too?” Emma was getting a little more confident after Regina hadn’t shut her down with something mean. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Regina’s lips pursed together, her hands moving from the jacket to press just as hard into her hips.

“No, I suppose it can’t get much worse than _this_ ,” the brunette echoed, but she left a laugh forming in her words that she daren’t let out, eyebrows rising and falling at the notion. Emma laughed a little, standing from where she had been hovering to trace her way to Regina’s side of the bed. Regina watched as Emma wrapped her hands around of the bed posts, swinging round so that she could lean into it.

“So?” Emma asked with a smile.

“So, what?” Regina questioned, taking a step forward.

“What do you want for dinner and decide quick. I’m starving,” Emma pouted.

Regina took in a breath, releasing it in almost the same second before she replied.

“I usually just go the hotel restaurant,” she mumbled, retracting the step she had just taken to busy herself with her clothes once more.

“Sounds perfect,” Emma beamed, pushing off the post and slipping into the bathroom.

 

 

The two had gotten ready in a silence that was almost quieter than silent, with only small mumbles of ‘excuse me’ or a ‘sorry’ here and there.

“Are you ready?” Regina asked, taking the room key into her grasp. She hadn’t looked back to Emma in a while, not since the blonde had disappeared into the bathroom.

“Yeah,” she rushed out. Regina turned then. Noticing that Emma had changed out of the usual red leather and jeans ensemble. Her legs were almost bare bar the tights and black skirt that seemed to hug so perfectly at the curves Regina hadn’t noticed before. Emma’s top was glistening slightly in the light, and Regina couldn’t help but notice the subtle outline of a lacy black bra curving through the near enough see through material. She paused to watch as Emma slid into a pair of black heeled boots, stepping over to her bag to claim a white jacket. Her eyes scanning over the space between them so to look down at her own apparel, she’d changed into one of her more basic black dresses, the darkness engulfed in the white from her pea coat.

She sighed, realising the two had unintentionally coordinated their outfits. Hoping to god Emma wouldn’t notice and point it out with some stupid joke.

Regina hadn’t looked away soon enough. And Emma caught the stare, her tongue slipping out to trace her inner lips as she let the glare from Regina’s dark eyes imbed into her figure.

“Are you?” Emma asked.

Regina nodded, taking a breath and smiling with its release as she quickly pulled from the moment to lead them out of the room.

She held onto the door handle for longer than needs be, not daring to look back at Emma. She felt weird. This was weird. Being with Emma like this was weird.

Never in a million years did she think she would have been put into a situation where she was about to enjoy a meal with Emma Swan, just the two of them. And perhaps using the word _enjoy_ was a little presumptuous, but they were in fact about to dine together so it was still far too intimate for Regina. 

When she turned, Emma was focused on her phone, and a small amount of relief spread through her limbs as their gentle walk along the corridors turned into a much faster run to the restaurant.

Their heels against carpeted floor, and tight breaths that would get loud enough to hear every so often were the only thing to keep them from complete silence.

“Sorry. Work,” Emma smiled, her phone being thrown between her hands to indicate she’d finished doing whatever she had been so occupied with. Regina shook her head.

“No need to apologise, I was hardly expecting this to be a sociable evening,” she offered without looking over to Emma.

“Is that right?” Emma hushed out, a smallish laugh lilting her words. “Then what were you expecting, Regina?” she asked once the two had stopped at the elevator. Regina snapped her head towards the blonde who was smiling a mirthful grin.

“Well. I just-” Regina was starting and stopping like a car in bad traffic, her lips not being able to form around the words enough to let them slip. “Nothing,” was what she finally came up with, her final reply being met with a breathy kind of laugh from Emma

“I think you were very much looking forward to this actually,” Emma replied, her hands joining in a knot behind her back as she eyed the two in the elevator mirror. Regina looked a little confused but didn’t speak up. “Especially after you went through all the effort of matching your outfit with mine.”

“Ten minutes, what a record,” Regina hummed, it only took Emma ten minutes to produce some senseless joke about their outfits, which meant she had spent the entire time it took for them to get into the elevator to think of something she thought was amusing enough to add to the conversation.

“What?” Emma questioned.

“Nothing.”

There was a drum of silence when they stepped from the metal doors and out into the lobby, marching in an awkward tension to the restaurant.

“I have a reservation, under the name Mills,” Regina sighed out, her hand playing nervously with the buttons on her jacket as she made a further attempt to scan the room.

“Table for two?”

“Yes,” Regina swallowed the word before she had let it escape her lips, looking a little over her shoulder to see Emma standing just as apprehensively behind her.

“Right this way,” they were led to a table in one of the far corners, dimly lit by candles. Regina had never been more thankful to be tucked away like this, it made it easier to hide if anyone where to come in and see the two of them alone together. She was suddenly grateful that Zelena would only be making an appearance on the second day, so she wouldn’t have opportunity to intrude on the dinner and gather something from absolutely nothing. Because this was nothing, this meant _nothing._ Things would go back to normal after this, she was just playing nice for the time being – waiting out the storm that was Emma Swan in her room and who now sat at her dinner table.

She didn’t know why she was gulping down her anxiety, she’d never felt so uneasy with Emma before.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special,” Emma laughed, her eyes darting down to the menu in front of her, obviously trying not to make eye contact. Which only told Regina she was just as nervous.

“Excuse me?” Regina asked, sitting back in the chair in hopes the straightening of her spine would smooth out the tenseness. Emma looked up then, her smile staining her lips as a hand rose to gesture at Regina.

“Well, you look about ready to jump straight out of that window.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Emma blinked at the response, her mouth opening and closing whilst she searched the air for something to say.

“What did you just say?” the blonde asked, truly dumbfounded. Daring to edge closer to Regina who hadn’t flinched at the movement.

“I apologised?”

“Yes, you did. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Emma laughed now, the shock rinsing from her body a little. Regina laughed. She laughed at the joke. And it wasn’t a fake laugh, it wasn’t forced. It wasn’t anything other than genuine laughter. And it felt so good, so natural spilling out that she hadn’t realised Emma’s hand was now resting on her own. And even when she _had_ noticed, she didn’t move it away.

They broke out of the giggles in unison, moving their focus to stare down at the menu.

“How’s Henry?” Emma asked, moving her hand from Regina’s so to pick at the bread in between them. Regina felt a loss from the release but hadn’t let it show.

“He’s fine. Sad that he couldn’t come this weekend. But I suppose it works out better that he stayed home,” Regina cocked an eyebrow, sighing at the earlier conversation with the receptionist. “Doesn’t Killian usually accompany you on these trips?” Regina asked, avoiding asking if the man was okay. Because frankly, she didn’t care. Emma chewed slowly on the piece of bread she had shoved into her mouth at the question. Her cheeks paling before she finally had room to reply.

“He’s working this weekend,” Emma mumbled delicately, not looking up from the table cloth she was picking at. Regina knew when it was best not to pry, so dipped her tongue into the wine she had to hand.

“Well it’s just nice to see you finally coming to cons again,” she laughed, regretting her words instantly when she saw Emma pale.

“Yeah,” Was all the blonde could produce. Regina cleared her throat, trying to force the guilt back down her throat.

“Henry won’t stop going on about your film, he thinks you’re wonderful,” Regina beamed, trying to lighten the mood a little. Emma met her comment with a warm smile, her eyes softening with so much love as she shrunk into her shoulders. Regina didn’t mean for it to become so personal, realising she had said _you_ instead of _it._

“Does he really?” Emma asked, her voice breaking with a tenderness that continued to melt into the air between them Regina nodded, smiling just as wide back. “I was scared he would hate it,” she added looking back down to the bread, gently picking into the soft exterior. Regina wondered for a small moment why she cared so much what her son had thought of the film but decided not to question it. 

“How’s your lover boy?” Emma asked, a little happier now. A smile kindling into her words as she cocked an eyebrow playfully. Receiving a grunt from Regina as she flopped into the palms of her hands.

“He’s wonderful.”

Emma’s smile wavered a little, but not enough for Regina to read into it as anything other than tiredness. Emma knew that wasn’t the reason.

“just not wonderful enough for _me_ ,” Regina added, replacing her hold on her head with the glass of red wine that kept screaming out her name. Emma’s smile grew a little at that. A big toothy grin, and it only made Regina’s heart fizz when she was suddenly reminded of Henry. “I’m sure it’ll get better with time,” Regina added, pliably forcing the smile to widen.

Emma could only be confused, pausing from picking at the bread for a moment to look at Regina once more.

“So, you want to be with him?” she asked, sure she already had her answer but thought it best to ask before making assumptions.

Regina hesitated, flinching subconsciously at the question. Nodding forcibly, because she couldn’t quite get the words out to say _yes_. She didn’t, she couldn’t think of anything worse.

“He’s kind,” she finally spoke when Emma ogled her with a knowing kind of glower.

“I’m sure he is,” she mumbled under her breath, and Regina pretended like she couldn’t hear the comment. Sipping a little more eagerly at her wine. Realising now that this was going to be a long night.

 

 

Their dinner had been pleasant, so much more than just _pleasant_ but Regina was forcing herself not to be anything more than marginally content with the evening. She was still so unsure about this whole situation with Emma. But the numerous amounts of glasses of red wine she had gulped down were more than enough to take the edge off. And Emma in turn, having had an equal amount in whiskey, had very obviously loosened up a little.

Both of them stumbled through the corridors, laughing at nothing and failing to keep quiet for the other guests. They’d brought up an extra bottle of wine with them, which was a stupid idea because neither one of them were in any state to dive into any more alcohol, they certainly didn’t need it.

“What did you even do with that dress?” Emma laughed, they’d absentmindedly fallen into a conversation about their first meeting and it was something Emma found absolutely hilarious – Regina disagreed.

“Well I had to throw it out, there was no saving it!” she pressed, clearly still annoyed.

“I apologised,” the blonde pouted, her bottom lip pushing out as she pretended to be sad. “Don’t let this ruin our friendship,” Emma was clearly teasing, sarcasm bleeding painfully through her words. Regina smiled but suddenly felt a little awkward, Emma hadn’t picked up on it.

“If anything was going to ruin our friendship, it would be because I couldn’t handle how irritating you are when you’re drunk,” Regina laughed, trying to join in the antics in hopes it would help ease her mood. “Or sober… or actually, just in general I wouldn’t be able to put up with it. You’re very irritating, Miss Swan.” 

“So, you’re telling me all those times you argue back is because you can’t stand me?” Emma asked, falling into the other woman slightly.

“Well, why else do people argue?”

“Because they enjoy it,” Emma was smiling.

Regina’s lips parted, stepping back from Emma a little in disbelief. The nerve this woman had.

“No, Miss Swan, far from it,” Regina frowned, walking past the blonde to swipe the key card.

“Okay, so stop then,” Emma offered, following obediently into the room.

“You don’t possess the right to tell me what to do.”

“See!”

“See what?” Regina turned on her heel, breathless in her argument.

“You’re arguing with me right now, you _do_ enjoy it!” Emma was very clearly proud of figuring it all out, a smile wide across her cheeks and her hand’s pressed firmly on her hips as if she had just solved the hardest case in whole of history. Regina didn’t reply, only rolled her eyes. Pretending to be annoyed. “It’s okay to admit you like me,” Emma whispered, teasing obviously but there was a tinge of seriousness in her words. Regina scoffed loudly.

“Jesus, how do you just walk around in these things all day. They’re killing me already, and it’s only been an evening,” Emma whined like a child, throwing the boots off into the room as she dramatically rubbed down on her soles.

“I just learnt how to handle the pain,” Regina offered simply, shrugging a little as she placed the bottle down on the side as she in turn took her heels off to neatly place them by the wardrobe.

“So, you have a high pain tolerance, interesting to know,” Emma was smiling, and Regina stifled a laugh.

“What does that mean?” the brunette was blushing, and she noticed now how her words were slicing viciously into one another.

“I meant exactly what I said,” she shrugged, but then she saw the blush on Regina’s skin. Emma’s teeth bit down on the words as she quickly dropped her foot to take a step towards the other woman. “Why? what did you think I meant?” she asked, her voice lower now than it had ever been before. She was still nearing Regina who hadn’t moved since she felt the alcohol dizzying her movements.

“Nothing.”

“Were you hoping I meant something else?” Emma purred, her words were melting together but every syllable was hitting the brunette like a tonne of bricks. She was very clearly implying what Regina had been thinking, she could see it in the way her eyes were hungrily pinning her prey to one side of the room.

“What exactly would I be hoping you meant, Miss Swan?” she asked, finally finding her voice again. Even though it came out so small and weak. Emma’s tongue was a bright pink against her whiskey stained lips, it dabbed preciously at the flesh. She took a few more steps forwards, standing close enough that Regina could smell the alcohol on the taller woman.

“I’m sure you could think of something if you tried hard enough Regina,” Emma was whispering now, her eyes drawing circles around Regina before they fluttered shut. Thinking things Regina hadn’t hoped to hear voiced.

“We have to be up early tomorrow,” the brunette near enough shouted her reply, and the sudden shrill startled the woman in front so much she nearly toppled over. Regina reached out to take whatever she could grab hold of. Only to feel her hand moulding into Emma’s waist in the sudden panic, she wanted to pull away, but Emma was holding onto the tanned arm just as tightly so that the two were near enough standing on top of each other.

“We should go to sleep,” Regina added in the mouse like voice she had been using before. Her fingers tinged with electricity as they tore down into the pale skin below it, and her heart pumped flames of desire wantonly through her limbs. She looked up to Emma a little, raking in the way she had been staring back and for only a second, she was lost in the moment. It was like they were two different versions of themselves. This wasn’t them, this wasn’t her and this certainly wasn’t the Emma she had grown to hate. She didn’t do this kind of thing. And especially not with women named Emma Swan...

This version of them was impossible for all the wrong reasons. And Regina realised this could _never_ be them.

And when she felt Emma’s fingers denting purposely into her skin, she shoved her away, storming from the moment to hide in the bathroom.

She slammed the door behind her, using its frame as a support system. She could feel that throbbing between her thighs get more demanding as it carnivorously pleaded to be heard. Her hand wobbly released from tightening around the wood, dripping down her front to skim at the hem of her dress. She wanted to quiet the thrumming, but she felt so dirty with Emma right outside, she felt so wrong. But the wine was dancing merrily around her mind, telling her to do it. She needed to, she needed the release. She wanted to be sinful, to do the wrong thing.

But she couldn’t. She didn’t. Instead she pushed off the door and scrubbed her face clean of the makeup. Scrubbing further down her chest, her arms, her thighs. Scrubbing the thoughts and the needs and the desires away, hoping that if she ignored the pain it would wither away without much of a fight.

When she looked up into the mirror, she scolded herself, she was really about to _touch herself_ thinking about Emma Swan. Out of everyone in the world it had to be Emma. She hated herself for it, more so for the fact she _so_ wanted to give into the temptation, she so badly needed to be touched when she first saw Emma moving tactfully closer to her that it didn’t matter who she was.

When she re-entered the room, she saw Emma was already in bed, clothes thrown clumsily across the room. A trail leading up to the side of the bed Emma had claimed. Regina thought she’d made it clear that she had no intentions of sharing a bed, a room was far enough. And now the thought of being that close to the woman after what she had almost done in the bathroom was virtually treacherous to her own body.

She stood hopping from one foot to the other at the end of the bed, giving reasons in her mind for and against getting in or sleeping on the floor whilst awkwardly watching as the blonde slept.

“Regina just get in the bed,” an irritated voice mumbled from under the sheets. Her eyes darting furiously to Emma who, apparently, had been awake the entire time. She wanted to argue, but didn’t have the energy or the will, so she paced reluctantly over to the other side of the mattress. Slipping in a little cautiously so not to nudge at the woman beside her. Scoffing and acting as though it had been her choice, not Emma’s demand that willed her to comply.

“I hope you don’t think this little arrangement is permanent,” the brunette hissed, her back to Emma who sighed into the sheets. And then she felt movement beside her, she couldn’t see but she was sure Emma was lying on her back now.

“Do you really think I’m an awful person for Henry to be around?” she asked, her words a little more formed now but still messy as they slopped together above her. She sounded a little torn down, nothing much like how she had sounded only moments before.

“What are you on about?” Regina spat out, she was annoyed that she hadn’t even been allowed to sleep without having some sort of stupid question thrown at her.

“Well you say it all the time, that I’m a bad influence. And I’m asking, do you really think I’m that bad?” Emma asked, clearly ignoring the sternness in Regina’s tone, as she enquired further into the topic. She was showing no signs of stopping until she had an answer, but Regina was done for the evening.  Done with everything Emma Swan.

“It’s late.”

“Regina I’m being serious, if you can’t not be stubborn for five seconds this isn’t going to work,” Emma huffed, her hands flopping down to her sides. Brushing at Regina’s back for the briefest of seconds, but it hadn’t mattered that the encounter was so short for that burning desire was aching once more. Regina sighed as the pain reformed again, clenching her teeth before replying. Then she thought for a second, _what_ wasn’t going to work? She prayed silently that Emma wasn’t thinking they were suddenly best friends.

“No.”

“No, I’m not a bad person or?”

“Well I think it’s pretty obvious what I meant,” but Emma didn’t say anything after that. Regina turned a little, seeing Emma staring blankly to the ceiling. She mimicked the woman’s position so that both of them lay on their backs. Arms touching so very slightly, it only added an addictive kind of fuel to the already heated fire burning in the brunette. Regina sighed. “No, I don’t think you’re that bad.”

“Then why do you hate me spending time with him?” Emma turned then, only her head and Regina hadn’t fully been able to make out her expression, because there was a shadow of darkness blanketing her face.

She swallowed again. Not going to meet the blonde with her stare. Emma sighed once more, the air brushing through the darkness to itch at Regina’s open skin.

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Emma reassured her, the hand that was already inching towards Regina’s still arm took home on her shoulder. And the cold was so heavenly against the tanned skin that was burning with a fever.

“I used to be the only person Henry needed,” she instantly brought her fingers to pull at her lips. Pulling the flesh violently as punishment for being so foolish in letting the words slip so freely. She sighed once more, this one a little more hopeless. The wine that was simmering in her mind probably hadn’t helped. She left her explanation there, turning once more to leave Emma with her cryptic message. Something the blonde obviously hadn’t been happy with, but there was a tension building in the room and neither one was about to cut through it with prying any further.

“I can back off if you want,” Emma whispered, she hadn’t moved from her position. The hand that was resting on Regina’s shoulder now sat lame against her back. Neither holding her nor resisting the urge to caress the skin. The brunette didn’t shrug the touch off. She savoured it, hoping it would be enough to fill the need between her thighs.

“Don’t be stupid, it would only cause more harm now. What’s done is done,” that time Regina did get a little more upset than before, edging away from Emma’s cold hand – feeling the loss of having someone there. But also feeling freer, perhaps she hadn’t quite gotten over the Henry thing as much as she thought she had.

Emma didn’t say another word, she hadn’t been brave enough. Instead she moved around so her back was to Regina. They fell into a silent sleep, both hoping the next morning would be better.

 

 

**27/10/17**

The first day of the con had dragged by, neither Regina nor Emma had made much effort to hang around one another. They knew it would only make things worse when they still had to get through a three-day weekend with one another.

But now Regina was back in the room, washing the events of today off in a steamy shower. She was humming lightly under her breath. Emma had left about an hour ago, saying she was going to do a few laps in the pool. Something Regina had sighed at and pretended not to care about.

Emma did ask if she wanted to join her, but the brunette rejected her before the question had even been fully asked. Waving her hand out in the air as she battered the thought away. Emma made some sarcastic joke that Regina pretended not to laugh at and left.

Regina’s eyes beat open at the thought of Emma in the pool.

Emma, dressed in basically nothing as she did laps… in the pool. Her eyes fluttered shut once more and that same desire was building impatiently in her core. She thought of Emma’s arm muscles in the water. How each tiny bead of liquid dripping slowly from the sharp edges would trickle down to trace the rest of her bare body, and how those same wet arms could take her so violently against the wall. She was panting now, breathless almost and she found it hard to think of anything other than Emma dripping wet.

Her hand pressed firmly against the wall, the other was searching her own body. Circling her breasts and brushing so gently against her nipples that were already so painfully hard. She sucked in her bottom lip to stop a moan from slipping – still nervous that the walls weren’t thick enough to keep her voice prisoner.

She slid her hand down her torso, slow enough that she’d given herself enough time to stop at any given moment. But she didn’t. her hand was lapping at the water that still trimmed down her body, finally reaching the top of the place she knew needed the most attention. She was wet, and it hadn’t been the showers fault.

Her fingers hungrily ground hard on her centre, forcing a rough kind of pressure as if to make up for all the times she’d ignored the area so reluctantly. And now she couldn’t stifle the moans, the bathroom only echoing the noise and inflicting a need for more contact to run in her mind. She used her other hand to knead into her breasts, as she worked hard at her sex.

She felt a new tremor ice through her limbs. Her mind flashing images of Emma in the pool, Emma in their bed, Emma’s skin on hers. Her body was practically begging for its long-awaited release, and Regina was more than happy to fulfil that need. She was taking in air and pushing it out aggressively, her chest heaving with the movement as she twisted two fingers inside herself.

It didn’t take much longer for her body to finally cave. She came with a final weep of mercy, her hand slapping the cold tiles, aimlessly holding onto it so that her legs wouldn’t fully give up on her. But it kept slipping, and finally Regina gave in, sliding down onto the shower floor, wrapping her arms around her still shaking body. She went limp and weak for a moment, her body in a sweet kind of addictive thankfulness for a second longer before guilt and regret and hatred started steaming the air.

She reached up to turn the shower off, eyes shut tight as she felt herself shake with anger. She stood then, feeling a little renewed, or at least that’s what she told herself. The shaking legs below her seemed to be telling a different story. She wiped the mirror clean from condensation, but she couldn’t bear to look at herself. Not after what she had just done, not who she had done it for.

No, it wasn’t _for_ Emma. There must have been something else in the back of her mind.

Regina sighed irately before turning to get her towel, only freezing instantly in her tracks. Her hand being held at a safe distance from the white cloth. The heat was draining into an icy chill and she felt the colour in her cheeks melt to drip with the water on her body.

She had never had a healthy relationship with spiders. An irrational fear of them spawned from her early childhood. She could pretend all she liked that she was fine, but it was times like this when one the size of a thumb sat on top of her towel like it owned the place, did Regina feel genuine fear drip through her blood.

Emma shouldn’t be back yet. She could slip out and get another towel, and then perhaps she wouldn’t need to re-enter the room ever again. Without taking her eyes from the creature she backed to the door, feeling around behind her for the handle, tugging gently at the metal so that the cool temperature of the room next door was brushing at her wet skin. 

Only jumping almost out of her skin when she was met with someone on the other side. Both women screaming out an _oh my god,_ at the sudden surprise encounter. Emma had caught Regina in the rush of everything, eyes darting all over her naked body to figure out what the hell she was holding. Only realising a moment too late as she’d already seen everything. More than Regina had ever wanted her to see.

Regina jumped from Emma’s arms, lacing her own around her _very_ naked body. Soon she forgot all about the spider and now her mind was filled with the showers main event. Guilt and dread building up in the form of anger as she saw the blonde panic. Emma pivoted on her feet, shielding her eyes as she continued to scream out _fuck_ and _oh my god_ at the same time as Regina had been calling out _don’t you dare turn around._

Regina jumped to the bed, claiming a pillow as her designated cover, angrily pinning it to her still dripping body. Her eyes digging into the blonde’s back, scowling down the lines of her muscles that were only emphasised in the sports bra she wore.

“Emma? _Explain yourself_ ,” Regina screamed out in panic, her hands clinging onto the pillow searching the room for an extra towel or something she could quickly throw on.

“Explain _myself_?” Emma near enough screamed out of embarrassment, her feet padding against the floor as she desperately searched for something to do other than stand still. “Regina why are you _naked!”_

“Because I was taking a shower?” Regina was breathless, damning Emma for being so stupid. “And yes, _explain_ why you thought it best to start groping me,” she was hysteric now, they both were. Shouting their responses at one another. A frenzy of confusion in their argument. “You said you were going swimming!” Regina argued, getting angrier by the second. And this alone willed Emma to turn, to which Regina had hidden behind a bed post, pillow still pressing to her dripping body.

She could only think back to how wet she’d been not ten minutes before; how wet Emma had made her. And now how her fantasy stood directly in front of her, only angrier. And she couldn’t figure out if it worsened the situation or made it all the more arousing. But the heat that was building in her core was sure to give her all the answers she needed.

“Because I did! And then I came back. Like people do,” she argued, trying not to stare but falling into the trap of outlining the skin that was on show. “And I _didn’t_ purposely touch you. _You_ jumped into _me!”_

Regina felt small under the stare, feeling so completely vulnerable that it only made her anger rise in her chest.

“What are you even doing wondering around naked when you know I’m here?” Emma asked and she almost sounded accusing, but Regina shut her down immediately. Feeling her cheeks flush when she remembered the reason she had left without a towel. She looked away, lips pursing together.

“It wasn’t for you,” Regina bit out, regretting her choice of words because it made it sound like it _definitely_ _was_ for Emma. To this the blonde did react a little, shuffling around on her feet as her eyes scoped over the droplets of water sliding over olive skin. “There was a spider,” she mumbled under her breath, relaxing a little on the pillow. Emma took a step forward.

“What?”

“There was a _spider_ ,” Regina said sterner now, trying to be intimidating but the sentence only made Emma laugh a little as she realised the silliness of the situation. And how the woman she had feared for so long now sat trembling on the bed because of a spider.

“Where?” Emma asked through stifled giggles, relaxing back on her foot as she crossed her arms over her chest. Not caring much anymore that Regina stood completley naked in front of her. Regina seemed to relax a little too, focusing now on anything other than Emma in her tight gym gear.

“It was on my towel, that’s why I came out. To get another one,” she was biting out her sentences like a child who had been told off, rolling her eyes to try and show how annoyed and unbothered she was.

Emma disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, coming back out seconds later with cupped hands.

“Open the window,” Emma pointed with her head, and Regina hesitated a little, realising that Emma must be holding the foul creature in her hands. She stepped sideways, so that her back was covered at all times, opening the window and then darting quickly away as Emma slowly approached. She released the grip and let the spider fall free out into the cool winds of the outside. Then the blonde closed the window again, turning to Regina who had fallen back onto her knees on the bed. Regina saw her swallow before she started to walk away.

Emma opened up the closet, reaching in for something. And much to Regina’s delight, a towel reappeared in Emma’s once empty hand. She paced over to Regina who was sat so completley still, pillow still covering her indecency’s, but the grip was looser now.

The towel was thrown onto part of the bed in front of her, offered with a smallish smile from Emma before she had disappeared into a now locked bathroom.

Regina felt a wash of relief sweep over her, the regret that was building up evaporating a little. But not entirely, and still the feeling lingered in the tips of her fingers. She thought back to jumping into Emma, she hadn’t given herself enough time to feel the touch as the moment was clouded in panic. But now she remembered how soft Emma’s hands were against her waist, how her fingers were so delicate in the way they held her in place. How given everything and given how humiliating it all was she wanted to feel the cold tips on her skin again. But she brushed the thought away, going over to source her nightgown for the evening.

 

 

 

When Emma re-emerged, she had already re-dressed into her pyjamas, her tank top being almost see through enough that Regina could see everything beneath it, even though the lighting was only dim from the lamp in the room.

She brought her eyes back to the book in her lap, peering down through her glasses at the pages. Ignoring Emma who had automatically slipped into the sheets beside her. Going completely still before talking.

“Oh right, sorry,” Emma whispered, suddenly springing back from out of the covers. Cradling a pillow and the thick blanket that lay at the end of the bed in her arms.

“What are you doing?” Regina asked, her knees falling down with the book closing its pages.

“I just thought that…well you said last night that you wanted the bed to yourself so,” Emma sounded so innocent, so pure and it only made the already existing guilt peel more in Regina’s mind.

“The floor will give you a bad back,” she spoke as if it was nothing important, grazing her focus back over her book. Emma looked confused, standing against the bed because she was unsure what it was Regina was saying. “Emma get in the bed,” She saw Emma smile in the corner of her eyes before she was joined once more. A small _thanks_ being hushed out through Emma’s thin lips as she pulled out her phone.

Regina turned to the screen, its glow being obnoxiously bright. But then she pulled her glare, noticing now how she looked like she was trying to get an eye at what Emma was doing.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Emma added casually, looking over to check she hadn’t made them up.

“Only when I have to,” Regina muttered, almost inaudibly.

“Do you not like them?” the blonde asked, placing her phone down onto the bedside table. Regina sighed, acting as if Emma had pulled her out of the excitement of her book. When really, she hadn’t been able to focus on the words because Emma’s top was even more see through when she was closer in proximity. And now she could see every tiny little detail barely hidden in white cloth, and that was sending an unnerving heat to liquidate and pool in her stomach.

“I don’t like the way they make my eyes look,” she grouched out, and said eyes darting down to the nipples that were poking through the white material on the blonde’s chest. Having to pry her glare away to re-focus on her book.

“I think they make you look elegant,” Emma’s voice was so small, so cautious and gentle and it was hard for Regina not to turn and stare right into her compliment. But she knew she shouldn’t. She hadn’t been very good at controlling herself recently, and god knows what was going to happen if Emma were to continue paying her compliments.

Instead the brunette placed her book the bedside table, snatching the black lenses from her face to rest them on top of the paperback. She ignored Emma’s comment, snuggling deep into the covers as she turned her lamp off.

“Regina?” Emma questioned, Regina could feel her picking at the covers beside her and she sighed. Regretting her reply almost instantly as it opened up too many possible outcomes.

“What?”

“Do you have your nipples pierced?” she asked it so innocently that Regina couldn’t even believe what it was she had asked.

“What? No? Of course not,” she shifted uncomfortably in the bed, eyes pinning to the wall. She lied, and she hated that Emma would know she was lying. It was a stupid, dumb mistake she made when she was young and, goddamn the blonde for being so painfully perceptive.

“Regina I just saw… well you know. _All_ of you,” Emma edged out, Regina still not feeling confident enough to turn over. “And I’m fairly confident I can suss out a piercing when I see one,” the blonde was teasing, that innocence seeping out into nothing. Regina cleared her throat as she sat up to glare right into Emma’s accusations. She’d forgotten that Emma seeing her naked wasn’t just some horrendous nightmare. It actually happened. She hesitated before replying.

“If you dare tell _anyone,_ your career will end so quick you won’t even be able to blink,” she was biting out the words with a vicious kind of poison, trying to be intimidating but only receiving a smirk from the blonde in front.

“When did you get them done?” she was holding back a laugh, trying to be serious but this whole evening had just been nothing but nonsense.

“Good night, Emma,” Regina barked out, rolling back over to face the wall. Her eyes shut tight as she tried to force herself into a sleep.

“Good night, Regina,” Emma said through a smile, her words comforting her brunette bed partner into a senseless sleep.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people, this is extremely late but I've had so much work with uni and I recently became an employed bitch at a daycare so there's been some stress with starting all that! but anyway, here's a new chapter. It's tame right now, but I promise it get's so much better soon and I'm hoping to get back into my usual routine this week. Anyway thank you for being patient!

**28/10/17**

There was a pressure of something on her arm when she woke up, something just cradling the sheets – tightening the cloth around her skin. For a moment she got lost in the feeling of the embrace, her eyes barely being able to pry open, giving her half sleepy imagination all the power in the world.

She thought back to lazy Sunday mornings when Henry was young, waking up with an arm wrapping around her waist and a head nuzzled deep into her back after he’d run in for the night, claiming to have been having an awful dream that would prevent him from sleeping alone. She would smile then, not daring to move from the position as she usually would, laying still so to savour the softest of moments she would have with her son.

And then she lay still for a moment more, slowly coming back into the hotel room. Her imagination still flooding her mind with thoughts of her precious boy hugging her deeply, and with that she shuffled back a little in the sheets. Nestling into the grip and feeling something push against where she was moving – she enjoyed the embrace, smiling a small smile before she felt comfort tie at her limbs.

When she felt the grip tighten and a sweep of hot breath tickle the back of her neck, she opened her eyes. Her image of Sunday mornings ripped from her vision and instead she was met with the book she’d left on the stand last night, her glasses perched on top. She panicked then, her breathing tight in her chest and her hand ruffling under the sheet to appear on top of her.

She daren’t look at who had hold of her, because she already knew full well who it was. And it definitely wasn’t Henry. Said person hadn’t made any other noise bar the almost silent moan encased in a sigh that was brushing so teasingly against her almost back. Her now free hand was pulling at the edge of the covers before it moved on its own accord to feel the barrier that held her prisoner. She only skimmed the skin on top, fingers brushing tentatively against the warmth of her captor. She sucked in a breath when the grip got tighter at her touch.

Then it was too far, it was too _intimate_ , and she didn’t care much that when she sat up her blonde companion was nearly thrown completley off the bed.

“Regina what the _hell_?” the blonde grouched through a hoarse kind of tired moan. Sitting back up on the mattress and staring at Regina who was far enough away she could feel the edge of the mattress digging into her thigh. She didn’t seem to have been conscious of how they had been laying.

“What the hell me? What the hell _you_?” she spat through a temper, breathless and angry. No not angry. She wasn’t angry, but she was far from letting the blonde know how comforting her hold had been to wake up to.

Emma didn’t reply to that because she’d clearly been referring to the abrupt awakening and the shove she’d received that nearly sent her flying. Regina wasn’t sure what to say, she hadn’t wanted to tell her the real reason for her sudden pushing, but she also couldn’t think of an excuse. She caressed her arm that was starting to miss the warmth of the hug, looking away for a single second.

“I must of have a bad dream,” Regina offered, huffing out a sigh as if to disregard the moment. Tugging at the blankets to cover her body a little more. Emma Swan had seen her completley naked, but she’d never felt more vulnerable than when Emma looked at her with eyes that seemed to care so much.

“Was it bad?” the blonde squeaked, ruffling around a little so that Regina could get free access to the sheets she had bunched around her. And Regina hadn’t been more regretful of a decision, because now one of Emma’s unclothed legs were completley on show, wrapping around in the white fabric. She pried her glare up to a still staring Emma.

“I don’t remember,” she lied through a frown, Emma didn’t look satisfied. She looked like she knew Regina was lying but hadn’t the heart to pick up on it. But then the blonde turned, looking to her phone and sighed before turning back with a soft smile.

“It’s four am Regina,” Emma stretched up from where she was sat, her torso peeping out from her top that seemed to stretch up with her and Regina couldn’t help but stare at the skin. Her mouth drying as inappropriate thoughts seeped into her tired-out imagination.

“Well it’s not like I planned on waking so early,” she snapped, hand clenching at her side as she moved around a little uncomfortably in the sheets.

“No, I’m not mad,” Emma started, reaching forwards to close the gap between them. Hesitating a little before her fingers were brushing against Regina’s clenched fist. It relaxed instantly, and Regina cursed her body for being so weak. “I just thought you’d want to know,” she smiled. Sinking back into the bed. Her hand re-moved itself from Regina, going to pat at the pillow the brunette had once been sleeping silently on.

Regina wasn’t sure why, but she acted on the command as soon as it had clicked in her mind, sliding down beside Emma. Perhaps her body was so too tired for her mind to control right now. That’s why she sat staring blankly at the blonde beside her, she was too weak to remove her eyes from looking deep into Emma’s. she couldn’t control herself even if she wanted too, she couldn’t control how badly she wanted to move around and tuck deep into the blondes embrace once more. She couldn’t do anything but stare, stare deep into the stare she was receiving right back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emma whispered, her face a little shadowy from the lack of light coming into the room, the sun still hidden in its nest hadn’t given much of anything to light the two of them.

“I already told you, I don’t remember it,” Regina bit out. Sighing as she did so and hoping to god Emma would shut up before she did anything she would regret moments later.

“Well that’s a load of bullshit,” Emma laughed, shaking the bed as she did so. Regina was soon finding it endearing how the blondes whole body seemed to move with the melodic sound, and she smiled a little. But covered the weakness in the blankets, so not to humour Emma anymore than she already had done. “Okay, then what’s got you so wound up?” Emma asked having realised Regina wasn’t prepared to carry on the conversation.

“Nothing,” she grumbled, inching just a little further away than she already was.

“Regina are you okay?” Emma sounded a little more serious now, on the verge of sounding like she cared more than she should have. And Regina trembled under the sudden carefulness in the blonde’s words, and how her voice was echoing in her mind in such a soothing kind of song.

“I can handle a bad dream, Emma,” she sighed, but even she knew she didn’t sound convincing. Emma didn’t say anything then, and Regina thought maybe that was the end of their conversation. But the blonde was moving once more, shuffling to close the gap between them by only a centimetre. A hand making a path through the covers over the both of them until it was resting on Regina’s arm.

Her nails drawing circles in the skin, and although the touch was soft and tentative and so comforting Regina couldn’t help but feel the fire burning a bright shade of red in her limbs. She closed her eyes, face deepening its place in the pillow below her. Emma didn’t stop, but Regina could feel her soft glare painting gentle strokes over her movements, she didn’t mind it. She didn’t mind it at all. She treasured the feel of the cool fingers tapping at the flames burning between her skin and bone.

“Do you get bad dreams a lot?” Emma whispered, making her touching a little more purposeful now.

Regina had all but forgotten the reason they were sat like this, eyes peeling open once more to find Emma was still watching so carefully. She hadn’t wanted to lie, but she was in too deep now. She nodded a small nod, barely even a nod if anyone but Emma were to see it. And technically now, she hadn’t been lying, because she _did_ get bad dreams a lot. She got them more often than not. But she’d never had this. She’d never had someone almost _take care_ of her for the moments after. And it was all so strange and alien, but in such a good way that made the fires in her stomach feel somewhat comforting.

“I get them too,” the blonde offered, _so softly._ Regina looked up at that, eyes flickering to find a smile imprinting itself into the shadowy darkness. But she didn’t have the will to force words out. “They started when I was in the system,” she sighed, but she didn’t look sad. And Regina let her eyes cross over the expression before she felt confused. She remembered finding out about Emma’s background when she’d googled her name back when they first met, she’d had a deeply troubled childhood. She could tell even though the only information she found on _IMDB_ and _Wiki_ _pages_ were sugar coated in a thick kind of sickly-sweet lace. “But I guess they just never stopped after that.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked almost silently, the cover slowly being pulled from where it was covering her face. Emma shrugged, smiling still as her cheeks puffed out with the grin.

“Thought it might make you feel better to know you weren’t the only one who still got them.”

Regina swallowed the lump that was building like cement in her throat. She felt guilty that Emma was being so kind, she’d never been kind. She hadn’t even tried to be kind, and yet here the blonde laid beside her. Obviously tired but purposefully staying awake so to comfort the brunette, drawing small circles in her arm till the nightmares slipped into nothing.

“I’m sorry that I’m always so cruel,” Regina mumbled, she felt ashamed for the admittance, her eyes dancing around as they searched Emma’s never wavering smile. She’d never been very good at playing nice with others, and it was only now that she thought back to reading on Emma’s history and seeing that small swell of sadness in her eyes (that was failing to be masked in a smile) did she actually feel regretful for her standoffish approach at times when it clearly wasn’t necessary.

“I’ve had worse,” Emma laughed, she didn’t sound angry. Not resentful in the slightest, she didn’t sound hurt or sad or anything other than content. In fact, she’d sounded sadder when Regina was rejecting her friend requests. The brunette swallowed again. Emma was still circling Regina’s arm, but her fingers were moving down to rest just above her elbow. Gripping at the arm just enough so she wouldn’t slip.

“We should probably sleep,” the blonde said through a yawn. Regina watched her. Not for a single moment being able to stop.

“Yes, we probably should,” she mumbled.

“I’m not in any way prepared to deal with a Regina who hasn’t slept. I can barely deal with you on a perfect eight hours,” Emma was cautious in her joking, seeing as her previous attempts hadn’t gone down to well. But Regina felt more appeasing tonight, she blamed that on being sleepy and nothing else. Batting her hand playfully in Emma’s general direction. Her fingers being unfortunate in the way they fluttered and landed on the pale chest in front of her. Both women sucked in a breath at the touch. The skin feeling just as smooth and cool and satiny as she had imagined. She kept her hand where it had been resting for a while longer, before it dripped to rest just below the blonde’s breast. Not touching it instinctively, but if she moved an inch, she would feel her knuckle brush at the fabric of the top.

Regina could see Emma’s chest tighten, even in the dark she could see how hard her heart was pounding in her chest. And if it was anything much like her own, she knew Emma would be struggling to keep calm right about now. So, she inched her hand away a little, not much. But a little.

They fell asleep like this, with Emma at almost arm’s length away, her hand still holding onto Regina as a comfort to them both, and Regina almost leaning in a little too much that it looked like she would fall right into the blondes embrace at any given moment.

 

* * *

 

When she woke at a more suitable time, they were still tangled in the same position they’d fallen asleep in, but Regina had edged closer into the hold. Her head sharing Emma’s pillow, but nestled further down so that she was closer to her chest than her face. She was thankful for that, for how she wouldn’t have to wake staring deep into Emma’s eyes. Not that this was _any_ better.

The hand that Emma was using as a hook to hold her was hanging over to reach at Regina’s back, given how close Regina had gotten the hand had seemingly moved along with it and was now dripping down her body to pull her into a tighter embrace.

Regina was the first to wake, edging slowly from Emma so not to wake her for a second time that day. She still flinched at how they had positioned themselves, this was still weird. It wasn’t that long ago they the two wouldn’t have been able to spend five minutes alone in a room – and now look at them. Regina grimaced at the thought, when had she become so _soft_ in the blonde’s presence.

She rolled to land her hand on the bedside table, taking her phone into her fingers and gently pulling herself up to sit in the bed.

She slipped her black frames back to rest on the shell of her ears, peering down to any notification she’d received in the night or this morning. Finding one from Mary-Margaret, she opened it and sighed at the more than cheery good morning but smiling fondly down to the picture of Henry watching that _Buzz Lightyear_ film for the hundredth time running. His eyes glued to the screen as if it was his first time watching.

“Henry?” came a small croak from beneath her, she peered down to see Emma manoeuvring herself in the sheets so that she could prop herself up on her elbows, her curls sweeping messily like water down her shoulders. A smile taking hold of her lips. Regina hadn’t realised soon enough that she’d kept her grin as she looked down to Emma, who was still expecting a reply.

“Yes. He can’t seem to get over your film,” she laughed a little, nervously. And with that response Emma shot up from where was laying so lazily. Sliding in to sit at the same height as Regina. She was brushing, no, _pushing_ hard against the woman who was wobbly in the way she held her phone, trying to focus it in a way that Emma could see. But the blonde seemed more than happy to rest up against Regina to get a small glimpse at the photo.

“So he wasn’t lying when he said he loved it?” Emma mumbled, and Regina was sure she wasn’t supposed to hear as it sounded more like a thought that had been accidentally spoken – so she stayed silent. Not daring to look at the Emma who was way too close for comfort.

The blonde shuffled away once more, but not by much. Regina taking the opportunity to read through her emails.

“You know, you really should wear your glasses more,” Emma beamed out, apparently, she hadn’t busied herself with anything other than staring at Regina since moving away.

“What?” was all Regina could stutter out, eyes staying glued to the flashing screen as she pretended to be deep into some email that really hadn’t been anything important.

“I wasn’t lying when I said they make you look elegant,” Regina blushed at that, but forced her hair to hide the reddening colour. “They just, give you something _more_. You know?” Emma sounded a little nervous now, her words being thrown clumsily into the air. She was shuffling beside her, moving out of the bed. Regina felt the shift in weight and heard the patter of feet move around the room. Only glancing a little to check what it was Emma had been doing.

“Miss Swan I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Regina mused, laughing a little but still being clever in the way she had her hair placed.

“To put it plainly,” she started, still padding around the room. “They make you look hot,” Emma laughed, but when Regina looked up with a surprised kind of glare Emma had already slammed the bathroom door shut. Disappearing from the conversation and leaving Regina to deal with the blush alone.

When the blonde reappeared Regina was already dressed, slipping easily into a black pencil skirt and satin button-up shirt. She couldn’t have missed the desperate kind of longing that was bridging in Emma’s eyes as she caught the stare.

But the blonde quickly scurried to her case, busying her hands with something else.

Regina smiled a little, going into the now empty bathroom to apply some makeup. Not much, but a small amount, she never did very much for cons – she hadn’t felt the need. And this wasn’t a particularly big con with lots of press, so she hadn’t wanted to go all out.

“I made you coffee, it’s on the side,” Regina murmured. She hadn’t specified that it was a thank you for last night as she felt too embarrassed to bring it up. But the soft smile Emma gave told her that the blonde knew exactly what it was for.

“ _SHIT!”_ Was all she heard after only moments of slipping from the room. She sighed before pacing out, opening the door to find Emma hunched over, her back to the bathroom and a coffee mug being held out at a safe kind of distance.

“Emma?” Regina asked, a little cautious as she approached the blonde who was breathing heavily.

“Yeah,” she replied, breathless as she was seemingly dabbing at the clothes she’d quickly changed into.

“Emma, I can hardly help if you don’t turn to face me,” The brunette argued. A little agitated now. Slowly the blonde pivoted. And Regina couldn’t stifle the gasped laugh, resting back on her foot to fully take in the mess. There was a clear browning stain smeared across the front of her once very white shirt, droplets of the liquid falling and sinking into the carpet below her. Regina watched them too, feeling a sudden urge to clear the mess, but she hadn’t wanted to miss a single second of this delicious moment.

“Perhaps it’s karma,” Regina sang out, thinking back to when Emma had done the exact same to her.

“Yes ha, ha. Very funny,” Emma sneered. She was acting annoyed, but Regina could see a smile hidden in her words.

“I was gone for all of five minutes,” Regina mocked, pretending to act shocked at the casualty, “really Miss Swan, I can’t leave you anywhere!” she added as she tutted to the mess. Looking round to see a small spillage on the floor from where Emma had once been standing. “You should hurry and change, we need to be leaving soon.” Regina was on her way to turn and finish getting ready but saw the wobbly kind of frown that weaved through Emma’s lips.

“Am I being stupid in thinking you’ve packed other clothes?” Regina asked, folding her arms over her chest as that usual sternness she usually used with Henry slowly started pouring into her words. Emma was quick to react, throwing the coffee mug down onto the table, to prevent further injury to her clothes.

“No, of course not,” she mumbled, clearly hiding something.

“Then what’s the issue?” Regina asked, eyes squinting as they searched to find the problem.

“I’ve spilt other things down those shirts too,” she admitted, so small and innocent as she avoided Regina’s prying glare. She sighed, not in the least bit surprised at the blonde’s incompetence.

“Yesterday’s shirt?”

“Pizza.” Emma gulped. Regina sighed.

“Okay,” Regina started disapprovingly, teasing almost. “The day before that?”

Emma sighed, looking down as she fiddled with the wet material that was slowly starting to stick rather possessively into her toned abdomen. Regina gulped down her desires.

“Pizza,” she said even quieter now.

“Really, Emma?” Regina laughed, breathing out as she did so. Emma frowned. “You eat like a child.”

“Well the second time it was pepperoni-” Emma tried to reconcile herself as she jumped forward, but it was pointless. Regina was holding out her hand as she begged the blonde to stop talking. Moving over to her own case to rummage through.

“What are you doing?” Emma finally mumbled, staying still where Regina had left her. Eyeing the coffee mug with an evil kind of glare.

“Well you can’t very well go around a con with stained clothes, and I don’t think anyone would very much appreciate you going around topless,” Regina sighed, freeing a similarly shiny shirt from the bag. This one a darkened kind of turquoise blue, rival to the red she had on. “Not that I mind-” she started but stopped herself, catching Emma’s eyes.

“I don’t mind you borrowing one of these if you promise not to wipe your greasy hands all down it,” she added quickly. It hadn’t been at all what she was going to say, but Emma only smiled and nodded – so it appeared to be a good save.

She waltzed back over to the coffee stained Emma, the scent strong enough to smell even from a distance. Emma eyed the garment a small amount before she took the satin into her palms, running the material as if it were the finest of silks she had ever had the pleasure of lacing through her fingers. Regina watched her actions, licking at her lips as she stood back a little.

Emma took the top between her teeth and Regina sighed, angrily. Wondering why on earth Emma thought that really necessary, how many times must the blonde idiot ruin her rather expensive garments-

But then Emma was yanking at her white tank. Pulling it from sticking to her torso and throwing it down on the floor. Revealing just her pearly skin, and lacy bra Regina had noticed days before. She blinked away her thoughts, gulping down the heat and trying hard to pry her glare from staring at the chiselled abs.

“Could you throw a towel please,” Emma asked casually, wiping at the sticky liquid covering her and barely paying any notice to how Regina was gawping heavily at her chest. The brunette stumbled towards the wardrobe, taking the coarse material between her fingers. Sighing into the darkness of the cupboard, as she tried to regain some sort of calmness inside of her. But when she turned to find Emma still half naked, her breath latched in her throat once more.

She threw the towel to Emma, diverting her attention away as she snuck back into the bathroom to continue getting ready.

 

* * *

 

The two arrived with their separate shows and creators, barely seeing each other all day. Regina had been more than thankful to be separated from the blonde for longer than a couple of hours. She needed some time to recover from how close the two had become over this tiringly long weekend.

There was something so strange and unnatural forming between them, but something that also somehow managed to just feel so _normal_. She hadn’t like it one bit, she hadn’t liked the sudden vulnerabilities that were coming out to play, she hadn’t liked how she’d woken up after falling asleep in Emma’s arms and acted as though nothing had changed. She hadn’t liked how comfortable the blonde was slowly becoming with each waking moment they spent together.

So, she was careful in the way she edged around the con, being precautious when entering a room, looking both ways before she dared to cross the floor and always, _always,_ keeping an insult on her tongue – just in case Emma dared cross that pathway between enemies and friends. And that wall all but came crumbling down in a miserable defeat when she heard a familiar voice screeching her name, a flurry of red hair blocking her vision as she was encased in a thick hug. Fans hovering around them, some pretending to be discreet in their photo taking, and others holding the devices completley outright.

“These things are too big, and I keep losing you,” the ginger whined, pulling from the hug but taking Regina’s hand in her own in the parting. “How’s your day going?” she asked a little quieter now as they made way to one of the back rooms. Waving and smiling and chatting with fans through their own conversation.

“The same as always,” Regina mumbled through a half smile. Zelena turned to her friend, laughing before tugging an arm to link with her own.

“Our conversations are always _so_ intriguing Regina. Tell me, how do you stay so interesting after all these years?” the ginger scoffed, teasingly pushing into the brunette in hopes it would lull out a laugh. It had, a small one at the most, but a smile was forming into the conversation.

“Shut up,” she leered, nudging back at her friend. “My day’s been…” she started and then stopped, thinking back to how her day had started. A shiver running through her spine and a trill of nervousness spinning cobwebs in her mind. “How did your autographs go?” she asked, changing the subject. Zelena eyed her curiously, but happily obliged to answering the question.

“They were good, one girl-” but her voice was shattering out into the distance. Regina hadn’t been expecting to find Emma in the room. But she also hadn’t been expecting her not to be. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but there was that chill of anxiety icing her limbs, and soon her walking was slow, and her breathing was unsteady, and she hadn’t felt the jabbing at her ribs from pale hands till Zelena was shouting her name. “What in the bloody hell is wrong with you?” but Zelena caught Regina’s eyeline and found the source for her friend’s sudden paleness. “Oh,” and then she was smiling. And Regina hadn’t liked the look of that smile one bit.

“Emma!” Zelena yelled, pulling the surprised blonde into a tight hug.

“Zelena,” Emma called back, no where near as enthusiastically. Eyeing Regina who stood idly behind the both of them, but not daring to meet her eyes.

“It feels like so long since we last spoke,” the ginger laughed, her hands gliding over the satin that was tight over Emma’s muscles. Regina sighed. She knew this was all some sort of weird ploy to get the two of them talking together.

Emma smiled stiffly, standing now, and Regina saw her biceps flex under the feel of the pale hands – obviously wary of the situation. This was just as foreign to her as it was to anyone else in that room.

“Yeah, since the last con I think,” Emma nodded, pretending to think back to when that’d been.

“I love this, where’s it from?” Zelena was smiling a knowing kind of smile as she backed away, looking down to the top. Regina sighed again, this one a little more strained. Zelena knew exactly what she was doing, and god how she hated her ginger friend for being so stupidly perceptive.

“Oh, um,” Emma stammered through a smile that was tightening. Her eyes flashing something nervous as they flickered to stare at Regina for what must be the first time since they’d parted at the hotel.

“You know Regina, it looks oddly familiar to the one you have on,” the ginger laughed looking between the two of them. She winked back at the brunette, before going to stare at the blonde who was shaking with tension. “What a strange coincidence…”

Regina rolled her eyes, unforgiving in the way she took a step forwards and battered Zelena’s hands from pawing at the material clinging to Emma.

“For god’s sake Zelena it’s my shirt,” she whispered through an aggravated kind of whisper. Eyes darting round to look for prying ears. Zelena hadn’t been affected by the shove, or the way Regina was staring down to her like she was ready to pounce in the worst way possible. She was smiling, a wide, red lipped smile.

“No!” she breathed out in that way that told the other two women she already knew. “Now, I wonder how that came about,” she rolled her eyes between the two women, Regina with a scowl dripping through her question and Emma a mouse like kind of quiet with her lips down turned into the floor.

“Regina made me a coffee and I spilt it down my only clean shirt,” Emma muttered, and Regina glared to her now, sharp in her actions. Her arms going to cross defensively over her chest. Emma didn’t meet the glare, still staring at Zelena.

But now the ginger did look a little confused, lost in conversation. And that scared Regina a little more. She shuffled uncomfortably in the wait.

“You made her coffee and then…took it to her room?” Zelena asked, pointing between them now to try and suss out the answer she was looking for. Emma gulped down her words before she said something else she would regret. Regina flexing her hand to her forehead for it to rest on. She sighed into her chest. “Oh, don’t tell me-”

“There was a mix up in the hotel and we had to share a room,” Regina barked out, perhaps a little louder than she should have for people were looking up eagerly now. Zelena laughed loudly, clapping her hands silently in the air as she did so. But both Emma and Regina stayed silent, neither one daring to look in the others direction.

“Now that is just brilliant, I knew about the shirt thing…but this?” she was laughing out her words, loudly and Regina tried her best to shush the woman.

“How _did_ you know about the shirt thing?” Regina’s eyes squared into Zelena’s, biting out her question. She knew Zelena hadn’t seen Emma all day, and there was no way she could have clicked in the five seconds they’d spent in the room before this conversation had sprung.

“Oh, that’s been all the rave with fans this convention,” she was whittling out the rest of her giggles, running a finger under her eyes to get rid of the tears sprouting from the laughter.

“It’s _What,”_ both women said in complete unison, eyeing each other awkwardly after speaking. Edging just a bit further away from one another.

“Oh god, you two are really quite disgusting,” Zelena sighed. Growing tired of the ignorance portrayed by the two stood in front of her. But then Emma was distracted by a flash of her phone. Her cheeks paling quickly, before she flashed a fake smile to the conversation – dispersing from the circle and into a further secluded part of the room. Regina watched after her with a pained kind of expression, coming back to stare evilly to Zelena.

“What the hell was that?” her arm flew from her chest and out into the general direction Emma had just ran into.

“Quite frankly I’m tired of you two making eyes at each other and doing nothing about it,” she scoffed, prancing over to the table of food left out for the guests. Leaving Regina to stand on her own. She wanted to argue some more, to prove just how much she didn’t care about the blonde. And they certainly did not _make eyes at each other._ But she felt too ashamed to go padding after her ginger friend like a lost puppy, like an idiot that didn’t know any better.

Instead she turned to her phone, sighing into another message from Mary-Margaret that really had no purpose or meaning but had been sent anyway.

When she looked back up it was to an Emma who was desperately hiding her face with a mound of blonde hair. An Emma who was racing almost too quickly out the room that was slowly buzzing with more and more people. and Regina couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of this Emma. She hadn’t even minded that Zelena saw the glances and the looks and she hadn’t cared that she was smiling like a smug idiot to Regina who stood so still now.

Emma was marching towards the exit, exactly where Regina had been stood. And she caught her briefly. A million reasons why she shouldn’t have said anything was gluing in her mind, but still she called out her name. And when the blonde stopped but hadn’t looked up, she got a little nervous.

“Emma are you okay?” she asked after seeing the blonde was listening. She heard a small sniffle that was being masked by a hand. Emma shook her head yes, peering quickly through the blonde locks so Regina could see she was fine. But there were unmistakeably dark lines of mascara trimming her cheeks. Regina could see it as clear as day.

“Yeah, bathroom break before autographs!” she laughed through stifled sniffles. Peeling from the conversation too quickly for it to be normal. Regina got fidgety on her feet, pacing small lines around the door. Taking a few small moments to think before notifying one of the stewards that she needed to go to the washroom. She huffed when she realised how weak she’d been, giving in too quickly to find Emma again.

She saw a blonde mass of hair disappear into a crowd of people, turning into one of the rooms and disappearing for a while. Regina followed, pausing before pushing the door open.

Emma wasn’t in the centre of the room, Regina wouldn’t have even known she was there where it not for the sniffling and the noise from the toilet roll holder rattling as tissue was ripped from it.

Regina cleared her throat, going to lean against the bathroom side. Emma emerged, jumping at the sight of the brunette.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong yet?” she asked having a strange feeling Emma would just run and wonder off again. But she didn’t, and she was a little surprised that instead Emma was pacing over to join her side. She heard her take a breath in.

“There’s not a lot to say,” she spoke through a pained kind of laugh.

“Yes. It looks that way,” Regina mocked, turning slightly to face the blonde who was staring into the mirror. “But this seems to be recurring. So, it’s about time we talk.”

“What does?”

“This. Meeting here. One of us crying,” Regina smiled, gesturing around the room. “Bit of a coincidence some would say.”

“Well you followed me this time around, so I would hardly call it a coincidence,” Emma choked out, turning to eye Regina with a playful kind of smirk.

“Stop changing the subject,” Regina lilted. Edging a little closer to the blonde. Emma sighed at the movement but didn’t flinch away as she had done before. She didn’t reply for a while, she didn’t do anything for a whole minute until suddenly she was breathing out every emotion she could. Breaking down over the sink, a sob erupting and sounding painful as it echoed through the room. Regina hopped from one foot to the other, so completley out of her comfort zone.

But then she thought back to the early hours of this morning, she thought back to how gentle Emma had been with her. And how willing she’d been to comfort her, and that thought was what lulled her to step forwards. A hand brushing up to rest on the blonde’s curls, sweeping down the tangled mess so that she was patting at the satin encased back.

“It’s okay,” she hushed into the room that was slowly starting to fill with sobs and cries and so much hurt until Regina felt so intoxicated with the familiar feeling. She rubbed at Emma’s back. The hand she had on the bathroom side to keep her up was soon met with Emma’s, tightening her grip on the pale hand until she felt Emma’s fingers intertwine with her own.

“It’s so stupid,” Emma finally laughed out after what felt like hours of crying, Regina was thankful the blonde was breathing normally once more.

“Try me.”

Emma looked up, hopeful.

She took in a breath eyes searching Regina before they pried themselves to stare in the mirror, “Killian saw something on twitter about the shirt, and he got…I don’t know he got upset,” Emma whispered, taking her eyes away from Regina to look down to where their hands were still laced together. Regina looked down to said shirt, eyes peeling over the material and feeling a small amount of guilt trickle down through her limbs. She retracted the hand that lay on her back, bunching it up into a fist that was only gently resting on her now.

“He got upset?” she asked, genuine curiosity taking over. Emma hesitated before she nodded. “Well did you explain why you had the shirt?” she pressed. And Emma looked up.

“Obviously,” she started. “But he had other explanations,” she offered glumly, giving Regina a look that was so accusing. The brunette picked up on the ‘other explanations’ straight away. Pulling further from the blonde, but still with her hand holding Emma’s. “He knew we were sharing a room before all this.”

“Oh,” Was all Regina could produce.

“Yeah,” Emma bowed her head as a blush started to tint her cheeks. “There was some shit on twitter about us. You know with the red-carpet pictures as well,” Emma sighed, fingers peeling into the wood of the sinks counter. Regina’s eyes fluttered shut. She knew he would have had a fit about it all, and now she felt insanely guilty and she didn’t even know why.

“What did he say Emma,” she was sure she already had an answer, but she was asking anyway. Emma’s eyes were filling with liquid again and she had to contain her emotions before she had another breakdown.

“He said I should probably stop coming to these things alone if all I’m gonna do is fuck around,” she chocked out. Regina opened her mouth to reply but Emma continued. “And that he knew he couldn’t trust me, and how his friends were right and all this stupid shit that didn’t even make sense,” she started to sound a little angrier now. But the way she was picking at her the skin around her fingernails told Regina that she was angrier with herself than Killian.

“And then he said some stuff about you,” her voice was tiny now. And it was like she hadn’t been sure whether she should say anything. Regina didn’t reply and at that Emma looked up with sad eyes. Regina didn’t ask what he had said because she knew nothing good would come from it, so she ushered for the blonde to continue. “He doesn’t trust me to come these things alone basically,” Emma turned again, facing the mirror to stare at the swollen mess her face had become. Regina let out a huff of air.

“To a convention?” she asked, truly in disbelief. “He doesn’t think you should be attending a convention, a convention to _meet fans_ without him?” Regina asked getting a little louder and angrier now. Emma hadn’t moved from where she was, barely paying attention to Regina. The brunette opened her mouth to reply but Emma jumped into the conversation.

“It’s done now. I’m fine,” Emma smiled. Regina rolled her eyes, forgetting for a moment what Emma had just accused as she left to stand close to her once more.

“Why do you stay with Killian?” she asked, she knew she was prying but there was something in her that couldn’t help but ask something more. Emma only shrugged.

“It’s easy.”                                                                         

Regina nodded, knowing she needed to stop with the questions now before the two got any closer in sharing every inch of their lives. They stood in a near silence, Regina comforting Emma still, her hands drawing circles on the satin of the shared shirt.

“Oh shit,” Emma gasped, looking down to her phone. “Autographs,” she laughed, holding her phone to show Regina the time. The movement separated the two and now they stood silent again.

“I’ll come with you if you’d like,” Regina murmured, so unsure on why she’d offered so easily.

“Regina you don’t have to do that, we’re not friends remember?” the blonde laughed, teasing Regina a little even though a sweep of sadness was creasing in her eyes with the staining tears. Emma started to walk out, Regina sighed. Hand pressed firmly into the bathroom sink.

“We can be,” she whispered so softly it was barely loud enough to hear, but she noticed how Emma had stopped shuffling towards the exit. Regina turned to find Emma completely still, like a statue. “Well not friends per say, but I suppose with everything that’s happened this weekend we may as well stop hating one another,” she wasn’t smiling, she was frowning for some reason.

“Regina, I never ha-”

“You never hated me, I know,” Regina stopped her talking with her hand, her frown slowly slipping into a small smile. Emma started moving again, stepping lightly towards the brunette.

“Do you not have anywhere else to be?”

“Do you think I would have offered if I had?” she sniped through her usual bout of coldness, sighing after speaking as her eyes fluttered shut. “I’ll get used to being nicer,” she gulped. Emma laughed, taking Regina’s hand in her own.

“Thank you,” the blonde whispered, the words gently caressing the brunette’s soul. And she felt a genuine smile paint her lips.

 

* * *

 

Regina spent majority of her afternoon standing just behind the curtain of Emma’s autograph booth, keeping herself occupied with her phone. Catching tweets of pictures with Emma in her shirt and beside that, ones of her in the same shirt only weeks before. She sighed again, a few of the captions being a little more presumptuous and far cruder than the reality of the situation. This definitely would have been the fuel to Kilian’s anger. She knew fandoms and she knew fans, fans talk. That’s all this was, fandom gossip and nothing more. But she hadn’t liked how Emma had been so painfully sobbing not long before now, and she couldn’t help but let that anger spike through her mind.

She couldn’t figure out what was worse, the fact that such tweets were live in the world, or the fact she couldn’t stop herself from scrolling, even when she felt a blush creasing her cheeks as she read through some of the posts.

Emma had come out almost halfway through meeting fans, popping her head through the curtain before fully entering the field. She smiled to Regina, looking somewhat happier than she had only a moments before. But she still had a flood of an unfamiliar sadness riding her smile, creeping in the corners of her eyes and hanging loose in the way she held her limbs. But Regina didn’t pick on it, she felt she’d already researched far enough for now.

Their meeting had only been short, Emma gulping down half a bottle of water and thanking Regina once again for coming with her. To which Regina had looked away, still feeling so strange in what the two had thrown themselves into. It had happened all too quickly, one moment not being able to stand one another and the next they were sharing a bed. And well, the bed thing hadn’t really been their fault. But it could have very easily been prevented. And having known that made Regina even madder at herself for being so stupidly weak. And that tied with the unfamiliar feelings swelling in her stomach just made her so, so confused.

It was when she was deep in thought, and deep into staring at Emma’s eyes that her phone vibrated. Seeing it was Mary-Margaret – a thread of messages flooding her phone forced a sigh to string through the air.

She’d pardoned herself from her and Emma’s barely conversational, conversation to read through what was so urgent.

And then she felt her cheeks heat up and ice over all at once, her stomach churning with something so unbearably sickly she felt about ready to pass out.

_Regina, you’re mothers here. She said she’s going to stick around until you get home._

Regina gulped back her anxiety, looking further into the thread.

_She dismissed me for the time being, and I protested, I promise I did. But she seemed fairly stern in wanting me to leave, I’m sorry._

The brunette huffed, locking her phone without bothering to reply. She didn’t really have much of a reason to be so angry with the nanny, but she was seeing red.       Emma was eyeing her curiously.

“Everything okay?” she asked, peering down to the phone Regina held with a grip so tight her fingers paled into a ghostly white.

“Why are you assuming it wouldn’t it be?”

Emma didn’t look surprised at the sudden snappiness in her tone, gulping down the last of her water. Regina sighed, remembering her earlier promise of being nicer.

“My nannies insufferable,” was what she offered after seeing Emma drowning in tension. Deep down she knew it wasn’t Mary-Margaret’s fault that her mother had arrived completley unannounced, but it seemed a whole lot easier to be angry at her than it was to go back kicking and screaming to an awaiting Cora.

“Is Henry okay?” Emma asked, edging closer now she didn’t feel as threatened. Regina hesitated before replying, because yes. Technically he was perfectly fine, but she also couldn’t comprehend anyone being _okay_ under Cora’s care.

“Yes,” was all she could mutter, looking down to her phone once more.

“Do you need to leave?” the blonde sounded a little hesitant in her approach, a little disheartened as she asked the question – almost as if she hadn’t wanted the answer to be anything other than no. Regina was confused for a second but ignored it – thinking it best to not dig deep into Emma’s clearly unconscious actions.

“No, there’d be no point.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Regina smiled a little.

“No, I’m fine,” she paused, taking her fingers to push back the dark strands of hair that was falling to her face. “Are you still up for having dinner tonight again?” she asked, and Emma seemed to jump at the question. Nodding a hopeful kind of nod before she slipped back out to crowds cheering her name. Regina knew it wasn’t a good idea with this whole Killian problem leering every corner, but she couldn’t help herself. As much as she hated to admit it, she was slowly starting to enjoy Emma’s company more and more.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people, I know I suck at updating and I truly do deserve all the hate for being a big fat liar. But I realised that I should probably start sorting my life out and anyway yeah enjoy this update!! and another, further thank you to anyone following the story!!

**30/10/17**

The rest of the weekend had been filled with nothing but polite conversation, but eventually meaningless words would fade out and carefully dip into a new kind of awkwardness. Since the two’s newfound kinship had been promoted – Regina couldn’t quite figure out how to act around Emma. The blonde just seemed to be slipping into the role so easily. And at times Emma’s smile was somewhat comforting in the way it felt genuine, and relaxed. Sometimes Regina was sure she could see relief tugging at thin lips as the blonde was no longer fearing rejection. And even though Emma had already made it abundantly clear that she had wanted a friendship, Regina could just tell that this was a long-awaited release for her. She looked so at ease now in their conversations, at peace when Regina would correct herself when she was would snap and for some reason, she seemed genuinely happy to be spending time with her.

She couldn’t figure out _why_.

 _Why_ had this Emma been so giving in her side of their new relationship, and _why_ had found it so stupidly easy for her to fall into an Emma that seemed to know Regina like the back of her hand. The brunette was far from feeling relaxed, she was on edge constantly. She didn’t know what to do with herself in conversation, or in those silences that she would have used to glare down at her phone and purposely ignore the woman. But now, she felt she had to fill those gaps with something, or at least reply to the blonde when she was talking – because apparently it wasn’t deemed acceptable to ignore your ‘friends.’ Regina shivered at the word, this was all too much too quickly.

Perhaps this had been a bad decision, she knew she would regret it as soon as the proposition had spilled from her lips in that meeting in the bathroom. And now it was all dawning on her, she looked to her phone and saw Emma was texting her as if they were suddenly close enough to do so. Her fingers clamping around the plastic casing of the phone, drawing daggers into the metal as she read and ignored the text.

It was an argument she had come close to winning, giving her phone number to Emma. Even though it made perfect sense and Twitter had been stupid from the start and wasn’t getting any better and well, when the blonde had suggested it on a quiet evening in their shared bed – nothing seemed to matter much anymore. They’d already broken a million boundaries and she was weak willed, giving in after a small battle she thought necessary to keep that little bit of distance between them both. But Emma only laughed, seemingly amused by the whole thing.

It was all well and good her being sat in the back of her car, with her phone in her lap and her messages from Emma bleeding into the screen, and her thoughts of regret niggling in the back of her mind but it didn’t help anything. And in reality, it was only when she was alone did she feel so remorseful. The moments she would get to herself at the con she felt guilt and hate and regret spinning in like a storm in her stomach. But as soon as that blonde mass of hair was breaking into view and her smile was splitting their conversation and Emma was laughing at things Regina didn’t even deem a joke she felt at ease. She felt a little happier. She felt like this was something so horrendously natural and it scared the living hell out of her.

Quicker than she had hoped, she’d arrived home, face to face with the wood that separated her from whatever nightmare that lay dormant within those four walls. A smile dripping into a frown as thoughts of seeing Henry again were clouded with thoughts of seeing Cora again. Having to face her mother after the incident was only causing her nerves and qualms to tornado into a sickness. She didn’t turn her key straight away, she didn’t want to, but she was so desperate to see Henry that for a moment it almost didn’t matter that hell on heels was also stood right beside him.

“Mom!” her son called from the living room, racing in his socks skidding beneath him. Gliding along the hardwood floor and almost slipping entirely off his feet. Regina frowned at him for a second, she’d told him repeatedly to be careful and yet the day he would listen was left for a future that was destined to never come. But her frown was replaced with a smile and a laugh as the boy ran into her embrace, burrowing into the scarf she had on.

She let her chin fall into his hair, hands rustling the mop until they froze into position when Regina heard the click of heels coming from the opposite direction Henry had appeared from. The brunette gripped onto her son for dear life, feeling lost in a pool of hopelessness when he’d pried himself away from her grip to stare at the woman who’d joined them.

Cora stood with that devious kind of smile on her lips, her hands knitting into one another. She looked down on the picture, waiting patiently for Regina to acknowledge her presence.

“Mother,” she stared, her words wobbly. She cleared her throat, remembering all those times she’d been scolded for speaking so feebly. “I hope you’re well,” she finally said through clearer words. Taking a careful step forward. “I take it you’re staying for dinner?” she asked, hopeful that the gleam in the woman’s eyes hadn’t meant she was scheming something dark.

“If that’s alright,” she beamed, cocking her head to the side. Regina knew that Cora knew she didn’t have any other answer than _yes, perfectly fine_. Because both women were sure that Regina hadn’t got the guts to kick her out since their last meeting had been so painful, in all respects.

“yes, of course,” Regina held back a sigh, brushing past her mother so she couldn’t see the pained look on her face. She let herself get busy in the kitchen. Taking out some vegetables and a large knife. It was a little early to start preparing dinner, but this was certainly better than having to sit and entertain her mother with tired out conversation. “What brings you down here?”

“Business,” Cora called out, waltzing into the kitchen and inspecting it as if it were drenched in grime. Regina shivered under the judgement. She was sure to keep her house well maintained but Cora always felt the need to act as though the woman was less than capable. “And a party,” she offered after a moment of running lines along the counters, looking down to her finger and wiping it on a dish cloth as if she’d caught something from the non-existent dirt.

Regina snuck a look to the area Cora had just stripped down, it seemed perfectly fine. She sighed, brushing it down with a cloth anyway.

“Who’s party?”

“Yours.”

Regina turned to her once more, utterly confused. Surely she hadn’t planned a party and forgotten. But Cora continued before Regina had chance to investigate further.

“Well technically, ours. But I think it’s about time _you_ played hostess for our annual Christmas party,” She smiled. Winking to Regina who was now furiously scrubbing down on the kitchen sides. The brunette let a sigh slip from her lips, biting down immediately on the flesh so to stop anything crude spilling out.

“Mother I can hardly host a whole party with barely any time to prepare,” she could, and she had done before. But there was no way in hell she was prepared to admit that to her mother and have some stupidly boring Christmas party filled with old business men. Especially in her house.

“You don’t need to worry about that dear, it’s all sorted. All you need to do is get this house looking presentable and make yourself look pretty,” her mother was being so overly condescending that it was painful to stay in the conversation and not slap her again. But Regina’s hand was nailing hard into the side, clenching around the counter with enough grip that it was sure to leave red marks in tanned skin.

“We’ll discuss this more over dinner, I have some calls to make,” Cora mused, waving to her daughter so she could go make home in the office. Regina threw the tea towel she had to hand harshly into the floor below her. Stifling a groan – not wanting to give Cora the satisfaction.

 

* * *

 

There was only a moment of sweet silence during their meal until Cora had brought the party back into conversation.

“To be perfectly honest Regina, I’m a shocked that you haven’t asked to host before now,” Cora wasn’t looking to her daughter. Cutting into the food and grimacing. But Regina saw her picking at it, telling her that the woman was only pretending to hate the food for the sake of knocking Regina down a little.

“It’s not really my forte mother,” she murmured, pleased that her mother was actually enjoying the food even though she continued to glare down at it. “Besides, I have Henry,” Henry had never attended one of these events. He’d never shown much interest and as much as Regina would have loved for him to be there with her, she hadn’t wanted to put him through the pain of it all.

“Henry’s rather excited actually,” she looked over to the small boy, sending him a threatening kind of glare that was masked in a smile. He looked between the two women nervously, nodding his head a little. Avoiding the betrayed look on his mother’s face and only looking to the smile on Cora’s. “It seems you don’t have any excuses left Regina. This party is happening.”

Regina scowled into her vegetables, not wanting to argue any further.

“I know something that would make it better for you mom,” Henry whispered into the silence, Regina looked up to meet his hopeful stare. She cocked her head, ushering for him to continue. “Emma,” he breathed, suddenly entering a high at the mention of her name. Regina paled.

“Henry, I hardly think that’s appropriate,” she bit through tight lips. Teeth clenching hard in her mouth.

“But she invited us to _her_ thing,” he whined, going back to play with his carrots. Head resting on his hand in defeat. Regina lingered on his frown before going back to dinner. Cora cleared her throat.

“Emma?” she asked, eyeing Regina suspiciously. She tightened in her seat. Regina sighed, wishing she had powers that would just whoosh her out of existence.

“Yeah, mom’s friend,” Henry glittered. He’d lit up a little again.

“She’s hardly a friend Henry.”

“Mom, she’s not here you know, you don’t have to pretend you don’t like her,” he was giggling a little, and god how she hated how grown up he could be in his sarcasm sometimes. He’d definitely learnt that from her, and she couldn’t tell if she wanted to be proud or angry. So, she stayed silent.

“And how did we meet this, _Emma_ ,” Cora seemingly hadn’t let the topic go. Letting her cutlery fall to the table as she fell deeper into the conversation. Lips downturned and eyes narrow on her daughter. Regina sighed.

“Well initially through her fiancé – he’s a co-worker, but after that we met through events.” Regina, murmured, barely making eye contact. But Cora was burning for something more “Really, no one to worry about,” she reassured her mother, who looked like steam was going to start blowing from her ears.

“This wouldn’t be Emma Swan, would it?” Cora asked, her anger slowly disintegrating into curiosity.

“Yes, it would be.” Regina added, eyeing her quizzically.

“She’s very pretty,” Cora sniped, her cheeks being tugged at for her teeth to bite into. She looked tenser than she had done the entire evening.

“But we aren’t really those kinds of frien-”

“Well it only seems polite to invite her, seeing as she’d invited you to _her thing_ as Henry so delicately put it,” Cora interrupted quickly, holding her hand out for Regina to stop. She was plotting something, and god Regina really didn’t like it one bit. She swallowed, paling and freezing over all at once till she was left staring blankly into the dinner below her.

Henry was beaming in the corner, he seemed happy enough.

“We’re hosting a little early this year, mid-November time. So, I would invite her sooner than later Regina.”

The brunette only nodded. She hated this feeling, she hated not knowing and she hated the smile that was splitting like cracked glass onto her mothers’ lips. Why had she been so desperate for Emma to attend? it could only mean she was plotting something, she felt so stupidly helpless. She was about to ask why there had been a change in dates, but the malicious glare bleeding from Cora’s end of the table had told the younger woman she would get no explanations this evening.

“And Robin will be attending, so it’s really the perfect opportunity for the two of you to better acquaint yourselves,” Cora added after a beat of silence. That sent a stone of nervousness to fall and liquify into the pit of her stomach. She nodded once more. Staying still for the rest of dinner.

 

* * *

 

She curled into bed, having felt tired and drained from keeping conversation with her mother. Especially after Henry had been put into bed – she didn’t really have anything to say and so everything was being forced between the two them.

Her phone was in hand and Emma’s messages were open. She hadn’t been sure how to message first. She hadn’t done it before.

_Miss Swan._

Was what she had settled with. A little weird over text, but overtly better than trying to initiate small talk of any sort with casual evening greetings.

There wasn’t long before she’d received a reply.

_Regina._

The actress sighed at the informality, she knew Emma would be sat on the receiving end of a bright screen with a smile seeping into the message. She took in a breath, typing out a million different responses and deleting them in the same motion. She’d wanted to invite her, but she was also dreading whatever it was her mother was planning to do with her.

_I’m heading into town tomorrow._

She decided she would leave giving the invitation long enough that Emma was sure to be busy by the time she’d asked. At least that way, technically, she wasn’t disobeying her mothers’ orders, but it also meant Emma was saved from whatever hell Cora was preparing to rain down on them.

She’d realised far too late that her reply had been meaningless, and Emma would only be sat confused now for the abruptness of the message. Updating her life to the blonde was hardly going to become a habit and she wasn’t about to let her become too comfortable in their new arrangement.

_Okay. Are you trying to ask me out with you or…?_

Regina swallowed, a lump forming in her throat. She didn’t know what to say next. Leaving only seconds after she’d seen the grey blob of writing slice the white of the background to reply.

_Well if I’d been given time to finish, I was actually going to ask if you’d like to accompany me._

She sighed heavily into her chest. The blearing light of her phone almost mockingly ironic in the way she was blinded waiting for the three dots at the bottom of the screen to transform into words.

_Usually people tend to send everything they’d like in one message. But, yes, I would love to accompany you._

If it weren’t for the laughing emoji obnoxiously painted next to the message and if Regina hadn’t, on one too many occasions, heard the way in which her blonde friend would bleed sarcasm, the brunette would have shut off her phone and gone to sleep in a mood that was an entirely unnecessary reaction to the jest. But there was something endearing about how the blonde would reply, something that kept Regina in the flow of conversation. She thought for a while on how to respond, noticing how everything she seemed to type felt too desperate or seemed almost too excitable.

Her hand clapping against her forehead to stop it from spinning. It hadn’t work, and now all she felt was dizzy and sore. Slipping back into the covers she rubbed hard at the injured area when she saw Emma had sent another message.

_I know this cute little diner just on the outskirts of the centre, I can send you over the address?_

_I suppose I can spare some time in my rather busy schedule to accommodate you._

_There’s nothing I wouldn’t love more._

Regina blushed the winking emoji that was sent alongside the message, fingers dancing circles across the screen as she battled with herself, momentarily fighting the urge to carry on the conversation. Eventually she threw her phone to the bedside table.

Regina felt a cloud of nerves attack her like a swarm of bees, she felt light headed. She hadn’t really wanted to go to coffee with Emma, but now she felt suddenly excited to be seeing her again. And that was the one thing she hadn’t wanted to feel. She ignored the next few messages. Putting the phone down on her bedside table and forcing herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 **31/10/17**  

 

Regina heard the knocking of feet against wood before she had even entered the kitchen but as she turned the corner she found her son swinging happily on the stool, rocket in its usual place above his head. She smiled curtly, eyes grazing over Cora who was pouring coffee into two mugs.

She turned, noticing Regina’s presence before the woman had even had a chance to announce her good mornings. The brunette smiled a little wider, weaker, but wider at least.

“Regina, I’m glad you’re finally up,” Cora crooned, Regina’s dark orbs floating to time. It was still only  mid-morning. “I was hoping to discuss some _renovations_ with you before the party,” Cora stared, making it more of a statement than a question. She was cutting into Regina’s movements with the thrust of a coffee cup, eyeing brunette hair as it was tugged at nervously to sit just behind Regina’s ear.

Regina took the drink, eyes just as dark as the liquid steaming from the porcelain that was hot in her hands. She daren’t look to Cora’s prying eyes for fear of spilling every secret she wished to keep under wraps. Her mother seemed to have that affect on people.

“I’m actually not available today,” the actress murmured, taking her purse up her arm and moving over to Henry in one movement. She still had eyes loyal to the drink below her, the steam dancing in the air as it slowly engulfed her anxieties.

“How so?” Cora asked. Heels shuffling against the floor to join her daughters new found position. Regina saw out the corner of her eye her mother edging closer to the island Henry was still sat at. His legs suddenly still as his grandmother melted into the counter. “Regina?”

“I have plans,” she started, finally looking up. Coffee cup slamming down in parallel to her eyes. She jumped a little at the sound, but Cora remained unphased. “With a friend,” she whispered now, fingers dancing gingerly around the rim of her drink – suddenly remembering why she had avoided all eye contact with her mother this morning.

Cora’s eyes were shrinking, squaring into her daughter and scanning the lie that technically hadn’t been a lie. She knew there was something else and Regina knew that she was bound to suss it out, but still the brunette stared down the glare.

“hmm,” Cora hummed, pushing back off the counter so that she could fold her arms tight across her chest. Still looking expertly suspicious but holding back a tongue filled with questions. “Well don’t be back late, I meant it when I said this house needs some major improvements,” the older woman took a side step to reclaim her own hot drink. Leaving the conversation, for now at least.

Regina ran a hand through Henry’s hair, kissing lightly on his forehead and receiving a small smile. “I won’t be,” she spoke through a smile. Reassuring Henry more than her mother. She felt a little guilty for having to leave him alone, but there was no way in hell he was coming with her to meet Emma for _coffee_.

Regina felt a swell of sickness stone in her stomach, she pushed a hand to the area, rubbing down hard enough in hopes the feeling would shrink into something bearable. This was certainly not how she had seen her and Emma’s future, she hadn’t seen a future at all! The Regina who had coffee spilt down her dress would scoff at the accusation and shrug it off with an insult of some sort, unnecessary of course, but worth it at the time.  

She waved off her son but was blatantly ignored by Cora who sat flipping through some catalogue on the kitchen side. She sighed silently, she hadn’t been expecting some polite send off, but a smile or even an acknowledgment of her existence would have been nice.

Her heels echoed through the foyer, each one more damning than the next. All sending every kind of anxiety to rush around her body, this was all so weird. Everything about this was so off and she really didn’t know how to handle any of it. And Emma still hadn’t sent over the address, so now she was frustrated. She was annoyed, and she was anxious and that was possibly two of the worst things she could have been feeling right at that second.

She reached for the door and pried the wood open, she was met with a bright sun and a cold wind and…

“What the _hell_ -”

“Hi!” Emma was stood, red faced and bringing down the fist that was held out to fumble around with a pair of jangling keys. She was hopping from one foot to the other. Clearly nervous.

Regina had other more important matters on her mind, she stepped forward into Emma’s space. Closing the door as she did so. Emma looked a little confused, panicked even, at the sudden move. But she hadn’t edged from being out of the way. The older woman, with every ounce of fury she could emit into her body got right in the blonde’s bubble, their faces only inches apart.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she spat, quietly.

Emma licked her lips. Mouth opening and closing as she thought of something to say. But Regina was growing impatient, taking the red leathered elbow and yanking her away from the porch. But she’d been too late.

“Were you not planning on introducing us to your friend dear?” Cora cooed from the now fully open door. The brunette stopped in her tracks, with her back to her mother and a desperately kind of confused blonde in her hand. She sighed silently before turning with a smile.

“We have a reservation,” she started, glaring to Emma who stood dumbfounded.

“Cora Mills,” her mother introduced anyway, ignoring Regina’s obvious lie. She stepped forwards with a hand held out. Regina had long let Emma’s elbow fall from her grip so the blonde (after a painfully silent minute) mimicked the woman’s movements and shook her hand.

“Mills?” Emma asked, her voice so quiet and confused. Regina rolled her eyes, biting hard on her tongue to stop herself from saying something she was bound to regret later.

“Regina’s mother,” she started with a smile. “I know, I don’t look a day over twenty,” the woman laughed, posing with a hand on her hip. Regina sighed more vocally now, eyes rolling again. Emma hadn’t been sure if the woman was joking so she only offered a weak kind of smile and a faint laugh that was barely even noticeable. And then the three of them fell silent again, all eyes on an Emma who was stood scuffing her shoes against the wood beneath her feet.

“Oh! Swan,” she called out after realising what it was the two brunettes had been waiting for, “I mean Emma. Emma Swan,” the blonde stuttered, a trickling red flush was spraying her cheeks as she flustered helplessly in front of the brunette and her mother. Regina scoffed, and Emma looked back to her with a playful kind of scowl. The moment was so brief, but Regina suddenly felt a little more at ease. “You can just call me Emma,” she mumbled, shuffling back on her feet a little – falling just slightly into Regina’s bubble. Cora eyed the two, smile tight and fake.

“You seem to be quite famous in my daughters house Miss Swan,” Cora said easily, looking to Regina with something dark in her eyes. The brunette squirmed a little under the glare. But kept her stance strong.

“Well that’s news to me,” Emma laughed, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked back to give Regina a wink. “I would have thought quite the opposite,” she added, smiling back at Regina’s glare.

“On the contrary dear, Regina and I were just discussing our annual Christmas party. She was supposed to have already given you your invitation,” Cora commanded, hands knotting in front of her as she very obviously tried to keep her agitation under wraps.

“Me?” Emma asked, shuffling uncomfortably under the conversation. She didn’t look back at Regina that time and the brunette let out another sigh.

“I’m assuming you’re free?”

“Well I don’t know when it-”

“Excellent. It was a pleasure to meet you Miss Swan. I’ll be patiently waiting for the next time,” Cora crooned, stepping back into the house. Giving Regina one last glare before completley slamming the door shut.

Regina sighed, loudly. Emma only shuffled under the sound, eyes flickering back to the brunette. She had a smallish smile painting her lips, waiting patiently for Regina to say something.

But the brunette felt hot, she took in a breath and started back down the path. Only to be followed by the loud padding of boots against concrete and an Emma who was calling out her name.

“So, a Christmas party,” she started, something a little more hopeful in her voice than before, but still wobbly with nerves.

“Just forget about it Emma,” Regina bit out, mouth forming into a frown as she neared Emma’s beat up bug. 

“What if I don’t want to,” the blonde was still a few feet behind Regina, leaving enough space for the brunette to turn and step back into distance between them.

“That’s not an option,” she warned, but her voice was melty instead of stern and Emma couldn’t help the smile that tightened her lips. Pale hands were slipping from out of her back pockets, she looked down to Regina as she crossed them over her chest.

“Well your mother just made it pretty clear that it was,” she teased, leaning just an inch forward. They both heard the scuff of heels beneath them as Regina almost fell from the curb, hand splayed into the side if the bug behind her to keep her feet from giving way. Charcoal eyes were darting over every feature, over every inch of the blonde body that was only one move away from being pressed against her own.

“Do you have the address?” Regina gulped out. Emma furrowed her brows.

“What-”

“We’re taking my car” and just as quickly as she had spoken she was slipping out from Emma’s’ glare, her tanned legs striding the miles back to her driveway, Emma sighed and turned.

“Why?” she asked, whining like a child.

“Because Miss Swan, I’m hardly risking my life in that beat-up tin can for a cup of coffee,” the brunette scoffed. Emma threw her head back in frustration, dragging her boots to meet Regina who was already halfway into the black vehicle.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w ,,,, there is a small amount of domestic abuse suggested but not formally spoken about towards the end of this chapt

Chapter Ten

**31/10/17**

Their drive down busy roads and flashing lights had been filled with hums resonating from the blonde as she sang along to the radio, laughter filling the closed space that surrounded the two and eye rolls that seemed to build a bridge that would force an inevitable bondage between the two.

Emma only found the huffs and sighs that her driver would blow into the encased surroundings amusing. They even seemed spur her on ever so slightly, and eventually Regina felt hums that matched the rhythm of the music swimming in her throat (although not loud enough for Emma to have heard). It all felt rather unusual to the brunette who had fingers tapping along to beats against the leather of the wheel.

But now they were parked, both slamming the doors of black metal into the sides of the car that thrummed a loud clamping sound into the empty parking lot. Regina searched through her purse, for nothing in particular – waiting for her blonde counterpart to awkwardly dance to the other side of the parked vehicle.

“It’s just around the corner from here,” she smiled, hands reaching into back pockets and tongue poking out to wet the lips that were drying almost too quickly. Regina nodded, keeping a satiny frown on her lips. Not wanting to give anything away, and most certainly not wanting to feed into the already building ego that the blonde was bubbling from inside. She hadn’t wanted to let out how much she enjoyed the company of the younger woman, only wanting to make it seem as though she were here as a favour to Emma, not because she actually wanted to be there.

“What did you need to get?” Emma asked through the silence. Both women walking in unison to exit the lot and round the corner Emma had mentioned before.

“Hm?” Regina was looking to her phone, eyebrows furrowed at the question.

“You said you wanted to come to town today, what do you need to get?” the younger actress followed up, her head ducking slightly so to try and get Regina’s focus.

The brunette slipped her phone back into the purse that hung from her arm, a redness staining her chest and rising to wash her throat. She hadn’t thought that far. She hadn’t any reason to come to town at all, but her blonde friend was waiting curiously for a reply that seemed to never come.

“I need a new dress,” she started, mumbling her response in hopes Emma would drop the topic.

“Is that for the party?” Emma asked instead of dropping anything, her hands riding in her back pockets still, but her eyes never for one second leaving Regina. The brunette could feel the burn of green pools splashing waterfalls down her body, but she daren’t stare back. She sighed again, looking round at their surroundings, noticing now how dingy their location had been. Her nose wrinkling in disgust at the lack of upkeep. Finally nodding, Regina met Emma’s glare.

“This place hardly feels safe Emma,” she warned, eyes darting all around her as nerves kicked in. This truly was how it all ends. The blonde snorted at the remark, green eyes finally releasing the death grip they had on the brunette and spotting the diner just up over a small hill.

“It’s not _that_ bad, I used to come here all the time as a kid,” she reminisced. Smiling a half smile that pushed her dimples to dent her cheeks. Regina smiled at the glowing look of nostalgia the blonde had on, removing her glare to distract herself with something else before she was caught. “Plus, it means we can have a moments peace without any pap’s coming for us,” she laughed again, stopping just in front of the white fence that marked off the building. That part was true, no way would the two be found here.

Regina eyed the venue, it was a charming establishment. Far better than what she had expected would come of a place like this. Her eyes crossed over the blonde who was still smiling. Seeing Emma stood so happy made her feel untimely guilty, realising now how much she sounded like her mother, always judging and never seeing.

“What?” she bit out, letting the guilt bleed into her words and viciously be spat out to Emma who’s smile never wavered.

“Nothing,”

Regina scoffed at the blatant lie, there was clearly something on the blonde’s mind, but she hadn’t the need nor the patience to find that out, so instead she marched up the path and pushed open the glass door. Followed instantly by Emma who was greeted loudly by a much older looking woman with grey hair and round glasses that made her look like one of the grandmothers from storybooks Regina had read to Henry as a child.

The blonde had a beaming smile plastering her cheeks, and open arms as she accepted the warm greeting from the woman who’d come running from behind the counter. The brunette felt a little awkward, shuffling around on her feet, eyeing the almost empty diner. Noticing now that perhaps the smallish silence would be beneficial to her. She hadn’t had time to ask questions or process the conversation between the two women in front of her before a second, much younger, woman came running out in heels that looked sharp enough to be used as a weapon and shorts that were riding far enough up her pale legs that Regina could only imagine how they stayed put.

“Emma!” the brunette called out, hugging and pulling at the blonde like a bear who hadn’t seen it’s cub in years. Regina couldn’t help the lump that was forming quickly in her throat as she watched the three happy women welcome each other, smiling and laughing with one another.

“Regina,” Emma called enthusiastically, looking back and holding out a hand. The white-haired lady and the brunette stood awaiting the actress’s reaction. So, Regina took the hand held out to her, feeling a slight squeeze at the contact and a flutter of her heart in her chest. “Regina, this is Ruby and Granny, they own the diner” Emma smiled through her words. And Regina tried her best to mimic the expression. But inertly feared the smile to look as pained and forced as it felt.

The two woman hadn’t seemed to notice or mind, and in fact the taller and younger of the two stood with her mouth gaped wide open.

“Oh my god,” she whispered, bouncing on her heeled toes, “Regina Mills,” she squeezed out. Eyes darting between the blonde, then the brunette, then the two hands that were being held and then back to the brunette again. “I am the _biggest_ fan of yours. This is a huge honour oh my god,” she was squeamish, and her hands were clasping together so tightly under her chin that her finger tips were turning an even whiter shade of white. Regina got awkward swallowing past the fire in her throat whilst still trying to keep her smile just as shiny as Emma’s seemed to be. And then her eyes darted down to where their fingers were still clinging onto one another. She hadn’t the energy to remove the hold.

“Ruby, chill,” Emma laughed, eyeing Regina a little who was shaking her head in thanks.

“Really, the pleasure’s all mine. I hadn’t realised Emma was so close knitted with the owners,” she laughed, Granny smiled a proud smile before speaking up.

“Well some would call it family,” Emma smiled even wider then, squeezing slightly on Regina’s fingers. Bringing back a small amount of feeling in the brunette who stood wide eyed and awkward still. “Now, what can we get you?”

The two made their orders and finally sat down in one of the red chaired booths. Making small talk with Ruby who had joined them before she’d been called back to actually do her job. She left with a final smile to Regina, and a playful bat at Emma’s arm as she insisted that she visit more often.

Emma turned to Regina who was picking at the greens on her plate, dark eyes grazing over their surroundings and then over to two women who hadn’t stopped smiling since their arrival.

“Granny took me in, she gave me a job and place to sleep when I was young. And Me and Ruby, we basically grew up together because of it so yeah, they’re the closest thing I have to family,” Emma offered, after looking at Regina’s quizzical glare. The brunette hadn’t wanted to pry but had wanted to understand, so she was thankful that Emma explained without her having to ask.

“They seem like good people,” Regina replied with a smallish smile. Noting how happy Emma seemed to be around them and selfishly thinking back to the devil who laid in wait for her at home.

“Yeah they are,” Emma spoke through mouthfuls of burger, digging into the bun and peeling back the lettuce that seemed to just keep slipping out whenever she would dare go near the meal. “And about this Christmas party,” Emma started but was stopped by the wave of an un-gloved hand.

“You needn’t think about that, I’ve already explained that it’s nothing,” the older woman let her smile drip to a frown as her eyes meshed into the salad that sat near enough untouched beneath her.

“Well _Cora_ doesn’t seem to think it’s nothing,” Emma whined, rolling her eyes. There was something strange about hearing the blonde voice her mothers name and it forced Regina to look back up to a still smiling Emma. Regina sighed, hands resting on the table top.

“You’re really that desperate to attend?” she asked, eyebrows rising in question. Thinking back to the obvious threats her mother had been making over dinner. Emma nodded furiously. Shoving a few fries into her mouth, a move that only made Regina want to laugh. But she bit back the smile and looked away instead.

“Fine if it really means that much to you. I don’t know the exact date but it’s mid-November time,” she breathed out in defeat. Goddamn her mother for bringing it up, and _goddamn_ Emma for being so stupidly persistent.

“Does this mean I get to help you pick out a dress?” Emma teased, her dimples coming out of hiding once more as her smile grew wider and her lips closed around the last bite of her burger. Regina had to physically force her eyes to sit back on her salad.

“That won’t be necessary.”

“Oh, come on Regina, I thought we were best friends now,” Emma laughed, throwing a fry onto the salad that sat sadly unwanted on the table. Regina huffed out in frustration, her eyes squeezing shut as the continued giggle from Emma echoed around the diner.

“I am perfectly capable of picking out an outfit by myself thank you very much,” she grumbled, pushing the salad aside and scrunching up her napkin to throw alongside it.

Emma held out her hands in defeat, “Hey, you’re the one that invited _me_ out remember?” Regina did remember, she’d never done anything more stupid and now she sat quite literally facing the consequence. The brunette let an audible groan slip from the red of her lips, eyes rolling in unison to the sound.

“You can come with me, but I hardly trust your style judgements,” Regina sighed again, eyeing up Emma’s washed out blue jeans, and the stupid red leather jacket that seemed to be permanently stuck to her.

“I can be fashionable,” she argued, pouting. Regina felt a small smile spread her painted lips and it only made Emma pout all the more. “And less of the attitude or I’ll leave you here all alone,” Emma’s leathered arms crossed abruptly over her chest, resting on the table as she shoved her plate forward with the movement. Remembering where they were Regina rolled her eyes again, neither wanting to be left alone or wanting to give Emma the satisfaction of thinking that she could be so easily humoured.

Emma let out a wince of happiness, licking her lips with the tip of her tongue as she finished what was left of her meal. A few times eyeing the salad that Regina still hadn’t taken a bite out.

 

* * *

 

They’d driven in silence once more, bar the music echoing from the radio and the crashing sounds of wind against metal, because apparently it being the coldest time of year hadn’t at all mattered to an Emma who had her hand surfing the winds to the beat of the song. Regina side eyeing the woman who was slumped back into the black cushions of the seat. Her hair splayed out as a golden contrast to the darkness, strands flying around her chest as the wind ravished in beats through the window.

She subtly turned the music a little higher when the song changed to something slower. She hadn’t caught the name, but she’d liked the tune and she noticed Emma perk up immediately as this new song started playing. Her hand still floating around, safely, outside of the vehicle and her lips miming the lyrics. Regina’s lips curved at the edges, but she shook her hair to cover the evidence of the smile that she couldn’t make fade if she tried.

The two had travelled to the higher ends of town, an immediate change in upkeep and scenery made Regina sigh in relief and made Emma laugh at the brunettes noticeable relaxed hums. But then there was a flash of a phone in pale hands, and a drop of the smile Emma had held proudly only moments before.

Regina looked over to make sure Emma hadn’t passed out, for the sudden stillness was starting to worry her slightly. But green eyes were picking at the glass screen below her, shoulders scrunched into her neck and her legs still from bouncing to the music.

“Is everything okay?” Regina croaked, turning into the parking lot. She hadn’t received an immediate reply but felt shuffling beside her.

“Yeah,” Emma lied through gritted teeth, smiling tightly through the darkness that the parking lot had thrown them into. Regina let the conversation die for the time she spent finding somewhere to park, but then turned in the same motion as turning the engine off when they’d settled into a place.

“Why do you do that?” she asked, trying to speak as kindly as she could, but realising even that came out sharp and bity.

Emma shuffled around in her seat, placing her phone down in between her thighs, where she caught Regina’s eyes follow and linger for a moment. “Do what?” she asked, remaining as placid as possible.

“There always seems to be something on your phone that instantly upsets you, and then you just _shrink_ ,” Regina sighed, gesturing to how Emma had slumped into herself in the moving around.

“No, I don’t,” the blonde argued, eyebrows furrowing as she shifted in the seat. Pushing her shoulders out as if to prove some stupid point.

“ _Yes_ , you do,”

Emma sighed, fingers picking at the edge of the leather seat as her eyes tried to look anywhere other than the brunette.

“No, I don’t,” she mewed unbuckling her seatbelt and shoving her way out of the car. Regina heaved out another sigh that she thought was big enough to last an entire life time.

Gracefully stepping out onto the concrete floor and joining Emma who was stood smaller than she’d been before. Regina’s eyes fluttered shut before she made her next move. Her hand halting before reaching out to stroke at the red leather on Emma’s back. The blonde jumping for only a second before she fell more into the touch. The move only making her hair fall back onto tanned hands. Regina had to freeze her circling movements as she felt the sudden urge to run fingers through the strands of curled gold. And then she released her grip, entirely too quickly, and it suddenly made everything feel weird.

“Did you need anything today?” the brunette asked, walking at a faster pace than usual to guide the two from the darkness and into the busy streets that gleamed with a snowy kind of sun.

“No, but I’m excited to help you out,” Emma smiled, finally perking up a bit from a few moments before.

“We’ll see how much help you can be,” Regina teased, a smile that she finally let fall free made the blonde laugh out a breathy kind of laugh.

They walked side by side for a few moments longer in a comfortable kind of silence. Regina nearly having toppled over in her heels when a tightened grip pulled aggressively at her wrist. Her back slamming hard into the wall of a darkened alley, her front being pressed at just as hostilely by the weight of a certain blonde’s body.

“Emma-” she shouted, but her words were muffled when the same hand that had yanked her away from walking was clasping around her mouth. Cold fingertips brushing at the red on her lips, Regina noticed how the blonde was careful in the way she didn’t smudge the makeup beneath her hold.

“Wait,” Emma whispered, looking directly into dark eyes and waiting for a signal that she wasn’t going to scream bloody murder. Regina let out a sigh, feeling the air trace swirls against the palm on her lips. Emma took the sign and released her grip.

Green eyes had been pulled from looking into Regina’s, darting to search the area that was somewhere in the near distance. But Regina suddenly found it hard to focus on what it was Emma had been looking for or hiding from or whatever the hell she was doing because there was a knee pressing right between her thighs. An exposed chest was pressed onto hers and she was sure there was a hand wrapped under her coat, denting her hips to keep her in place. 

Regina’s head fell hard against the wall as she tried to adjust the compromising position, but Emma must have thought she was trying to escape for the blonde only pushed down harder. Regina let out a gasp as her hands moved from digging into the wall to stop Emma’s knee from rising any higher. Manicured fingertips clawing into red leather.

The blonde looked back then. Letting the grip Regina had on her pull her even slightly closer than she had made herself become. She hadn’t meant to fall into such close proximity with the brunette, but she’d been in an adrenalized panic, and this was the best she could do in the three seconds she had to hide both herself and the brunette.

“This is awfully inappropriate Miss Swan,” the brunette said through tight lips, her stomach liquifying into lava like liquid and her head spinning with thoughts she hadn’t wanted to think.

Regina’s already dark eyes were swelling into a black the longer she dared stare at the blonde who held her captive. Seeing out the corner of her eye the free hand that Emma had swinging at her side move to press just beside where her head was resting. The blonde smirked.

“They’re gone now,” Emma breathed out, looking away from the glare to let her eyes mesh into the lips she had held moments before. Her own one’s parting as a breath of air slipped in a cloud of white ice.

“They?” Regina questioned, not moving still and instead tightening the hold she had on the cheap leather.

Emma felt the tug of approval, gulping down the fire in her throat. She let out a shaky breath before she moved away from the older woman. Stepping back and instantly shoving her hands in her pockets, eyes looking back to where they had searched once before.

“Just some people I know that I can’t really be bothered to see today,” she sighed out, smiling back to Regina who didn’t look convinced.

“I was just shoved into some filthy alley with you, because you haven’t the energy to speak with people today?” Regina marked her words with a little more bite than before, regaining some breath and some control of her movements. Brushing down on her dress and pulling at her jacket. “And not to mention how much worse you would have just made my back pains,” she grumbled out, feeling a little more frustrated now that she had her mind in the right place.

“I can help ease some of that pain,” Emma smirked into her words, stepping forwards with an ounce more confidence. Regina rolled her eyes.

“I’m in no mood Miss Swan,” even with tongue sharpening the words, Emma’s smirk was still smugly sat on her cheeks. “Am I free to go officer?” she mocked, throwing her hand out to the sidewalk they’d just ran from, her eyebrows rising as she tried her best to let the sarcasm leak into the words. But then she sighed at how playful her response must have sounded, for the blonde only laughed all the more. 

Emma gestured beside her, letting Regina walk by and lead the way to their first round of shops.

 

* * *

 

Emma found herself relaxed back into a white cushioned one-seater, head resting on her hand as she waited patiently for Regina to finish dressing. They’d been in here for a while now and this must have been the fifth dress Regina had tried on in the past hour or so. Emma had liked them all, each one as dazzling as the next (more times than not she would have to hide the blush that would flash red on her cheeks whenever Regina would display herself), but Regina was picky, and she knew what she wanted.

There was a loud sigh and a groan that was unmistakeably Regina coming from behind the wooden door. Emma let out a laugh as she adjusted her position in the seat. “Everything okay in there,” she mused, waiting for Regina to stop sighing to herself and just explain what was wrong.

“Yes, everything is perfectly fine thank you.”

“Yeah sounds it,” Emma laughed off her words, leaning forward in the chair so that her elbows were resting heavily on her thighs.

She was about to make another stupid joke, but the door swung open, and Regina was finally stood in view once more. The blonde’s jaw fell open. Her eyes melting into the frame of the tanned woman, ignoring the red-faced expression the actress held and instead hungrily taking bites into the material that clung so tightly to her figure. This was by far her favourite one. Her eyes fell to the chest that was so nearly in full view as the pink lacy material on top would only cover so much skin, leaving her tanned arms to be naked in the open space. And the skirt, the red laced skirt had slits cut from thighs to calves, giving only a hint of the silky skin that lay beneath. There was only a breath of air that escaped her lips before Regina had shifted the weight on her feet.

“I can’t zip it all the way,” she grumbled out, swallowing hard into the ravenous glare from eyes that had turned into a much darker shade of green. She pulled at the lacy material to fit better around her form, Emma laughed at how much of an angry five-year-old she looked.

“Turn around,” Emma finally found her voice, standing to face Regina.

“Why?”

“So I can zip you up,” the blonde smiled through her words, Regina rolled her eyes once more, but followed the instructions, looking forward into the mirror. Watching as the younger woman cautiously approached her, after taking a much longer than needed glance of the outfit from behind.

She jumped as she felt the tips of cold knuckles press against her skin, slowly following the zip line the rest of the way up from where she had left it at her lower back. She went still when Emma’s hand brushed down on the fabric, following the train the zip had just followed. Green eyes moving along with her fingers, Regina’s own eyes fluttering shut.

“You should get this one,” Emma gulped out, her free hand coming up to feel the pale lace that lay on top of tanned shoulders, pretending to smooth out the material. She watched as Regina leant a little into the touch, her brown eyes were open now and they watched the dance of fingertips on her skin.

But then she noticed something that she hadn’t expected to see, only a small glimmer of something she’d hoped she’d made up.

Turning immediately on her toes, she received a surprised gasp from Emma as she caught the hand that had been circling her skin just moments before.

She rolled up the leather, looking back down to the wrist and hoping to god this hadn’t been what it looked like.

Bruised marks of different shades of purple and brown had been painted in aggressive strokes across her wrist, and what looked to be just edging up her arm ever so slightly. Emma’s eyes widened, and she tried to release herself from the grip, but the brunette held on tight enough that she could get another few seconds glare at the marks.

“What the hell are those?” she asked, her shriek wildly too loud for the smallish building they stood in. Eyes and ears on them in an instant. Emma’s face flushed a crimson red as she tried to cover up the wrist once more.

“Oh that? It’s nothing,” Emma tried to laugh it off, but her reaction was watery with hidden tears.

“What are they from?” Regina insisted, hands melding into her hips.

“we should be heading back, we’ve been here-” Emma whispered.

“What you _should_ be doing is telling me what those bruises are from,” Regina argued, lowering her tone a large amount so to stop the prying ears from niggling into the private conversation.

“Regina, leave it will you?” Emma pleaded, her hands folding into her sides as her arms crossed over one another.

“Give me one good reason why I should,” Her mind was immediately falling to the worst possible reason for the cause of the wounds and god how it made her blood boil with a rage so hot she swore steam would come bursting from her at any given minute.

“Because it’s none of your business,” Emma argued back now, getting a little more impatient with this conversation not ending in the way she would have liked.

“That’s not a valid reason, Emma,” she bit out, arms crossed over in frustration. She looked over the blonde who was cowering back into herself. She was biting down on her lip till she could taste blood, hands restless in any position they found themselves in.

Regina let out a silent breath of air, realising completley too late that blowing up in the blonde’s face hadn’t been the best reaction. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” she didn’t know how to finish her sentence, so she left it, wobbling around on the balls of her feet. Emma slumped at the attempted apology, eyes closing shut.

“Can we just pay for the dress and go?” she mumbled, looking up to Regina with the saddest eyes that threatened to burst into tears if Emma would let them, Regina just wanted to ball her into a hug. But now didn’t seem an appropriate time. “Please,” she hushed out, the brunette nodded quickly, letting Emma unzip her and re-dressing as fast as she could so that the two of them could escape the building that started to feel unbearably stuffy.

 

* * *

 

They’d driven back in complete silence, not even the radio playing in the background. The window was up, and Emma was looking in any direction that hadn’t been Regina for the entire journey home. The brunette just knew that the second she’d pull into the drive; the blonde would be up and out of her sights without having even been given a chance to do so much as breath.

So, when they fell into traffic she took what little opportunity she had and spoke up.

“I didn’t handle that at all well, I’m sorry,” she whispered, licking at her lips and suddenly feeling a lump the weight of coal lodged in her throat. Emma shrugged, but daren’t look to the dark eyes that were boring into her side. “Can you talk to me,” she pleaded, hands rubbing hard into the leather of the wheel.

“There’s nothing to say,” Emma sighed out. “It’s not what you think it is.”

“Then just explain to me what it’s from and we can be done with this all.”

Emma rolled her eyes that still looked ready to form waterfalls of tears. But she didn’t reply.

“And the fact that you have no explanation is exactly what worries me,” Regina continued, eyes squaring into the blonde beside her.

“ _Why_ do you care so much Regina. Five days ago, we weren’t even friends,” The blonde spat through a temper, head snapping to the brunette who jumped at the change in tone.

“Okay, and now we _are_ ,” she argued back, still trying to keep her words from being sharp and mean. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d let me in on whatever the hell it is that’s wrong with you at the minute.”

“Who’s to say it’s something wrong with _me_?” Emma mumbled, slumping angrily back down into her seat. Looking over the cars ahead and praying that this traffic would clear soon.

“The marks on your wrists,” Regina sighed, biting into her lip and waiting impatiently for Emma to reply.

“They were an accident.”

“An accident how?”

“It really doesn’t matter,” Emma laughed out, but Regina was wearing a frown that told the blonde she wasn’t about to let this go. She sighed, facing the window, “It happened on set. I had to be tied up and the rope they used for the scene was way too tight and it left some bruises,” Emma sniped from her side of the car, shrugging as if it really was nothing. Regina bit back her words, not wanting to say anything more. Eyes crossing Emma’s emotionless face.

“Then why didn’t you just say that straight away?” she asked, eyebrows cocking in question. Emma heaved out a heavy sigh. Head rocking back onto the seat.

“I’m just tired of having to have a reason for everything I do Regina. Can we drop it now? it’s nothing,”

Regina knew when best to leave something, and for now she would do as she was told. But she was certainly not going to let this go.

It didn’t take them long to be back on Regina’s drive. And it didn’t take a lot of effort for Emma to swing open the door of Regina’s car and trample her way down to her bug and speed off without another word. 

 

* * *

 

Regina tried to make the best of an already hell like situation, making marginally pleasant small talk with her mother, and pushing Henry to describe every last detail about his day. Even keeping a smile on her face till the mid evening time when the two women had piled themselves into their sperate beds.

Not for one second had Regina stopped thinking about the marks sketching pale wrists. Swallowing back the thoughts her mind raced too in hopes that Emma was telling the truth about some rope on set. But if that had been true, why had she reacted in such a way that told Regina so much more than Emma wanted to let on.

She knew she shouldn’t pry, she knew that their friendship had barely even been conceived, and she knew she didn’t have a backstage pass into Emma’s life. But there was a warm pool of care dripping impatiently through her bones, and watching the woman shrivel into that black hole she dug out for her nervous self made Regina want to claw in too, just so Emma wouldn’t have to be alone.

She looked to her phone once more, glossing over the text messages she’d left open. Swiping upwards on the screen to turn down the brightness and relieve her tired eyes of the blinding white of the background.

But then she heard the recognizable ding of a message being sent, a blue bubble spreading through the previous conversation. Brown eyes read through it eagerly.

_I’m sorry for earlier, I didn’t mean to snap like that._

Regina let a sigh brush her lips. Not being able to reply before receiving another message,

_It’s been a really long week, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you_

The brunette was hesitant in deciding on her reply. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. She was frustrated, she knew Emma was lying. She wanted so desperately to bring it up again, but she didn’t know how without causing another argument that would result in the upset of both of them.

_I’m sorry too, but can we talk about it?_

Her heart thumped heavily in her chest, knowing there was more to this and feeling as though she couldn’t do anything about it was such a terrible burden. She didn’t want to scare Emma off, because what good would that do?

_I’ll see you at the Christmas party. I’m looking forward to seeing Henry again!_

The beat in her chest stopped then, dropping through her limbs. Emma was passing the topic completley. Ignoring the issue in the way she did best. Regina figured now wasn’t the time to be scratching for answers she knew she would never get.

_I’m always here to talk, Emma._

She hadn’t received a reply, she knew the blonde was purposely ignoring it. Hoping that maybe if she kept quiet this whole thing would die down and that perhaps Regina would soon forget about whatever it was she saw.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe I'm one of THOSE fic writers, and i'm so sorry I suck at updates but listen I lowkey feel sorry for what your about to read, BUT the next few chapters will be nicer SO please don't hate me too much. 
> 
> ANYWAY thank you to anyone reading/ commenting/ leaving kudos ily all <3

Chapter Eleven

15/11/17

The evening had come a lot sooner than anyone had hoped. Well, bar Cora of course, who stood admiring herself in the foyer mirror. Smiling that same practiced and robotic slither of an expression she used to charm anyone she felt worthy of manipulating. Regina stood at the top of the stairs watching her mother pose and strut, a sigh winding her insides, but never being given any means of escape. She forced her uneasiness into plasticising a smile onto her cheeks, taking one step at a time beneath her heels and trying her hardest to make as little noise as possible. But _of course_ , her mother had heard her instantly.

“Doesn’t sound an awful lot like you’re on that diet we discussed,” her mother hadn’t even bothered to turn and lay the insult, still heavily focused on how tame her hair would sit on top of her head. Regina gulped back the sigh, knowing that engaging would only mean more upset for her. So she ignored it. And she’d become so accustomed to doing it that it was quickly becoming second nature.

She descended the stairs and headed for the kitchen, notably taking a lighter step now that she was conscious of the echo around the room. The door of the kitchen opened, and fearsome funk reached through the cracks of the opening wood. Regina winced when she saw how busy her usually empty kitchen had become.

The staff all huddled around in white shirts and black bottoms, a mixture of young faced boys and girls who’d all seemingly had a good telling off from her mother. It only took a glance at the sickening look on one of the youngest girls faces, and to feel the tension baking the room to know that Cora had been intentionally and demandingly cruel. She wanted to apologise to the crew, having the misfortune of working under Cora Mills was something she wouldn’t even wish on her worst enemies.

But the actress only layered a brighter smile over her withering expression. Tapping gently against the tiles of her kitchen so to take a spare glass and fill it with water. The liquid felt like heaven against her throat that was becoming unbearably dry, internally battling the rising heat that was escaping through every inch of her body.

Henry came bustling in next, causing a few of the crowds’ occupants to jump to attention. Relaxing instantly upon seeing the small, messy haired boy run straight to his mother.

“You look _exceptionally_ smart my little prince,” Regina softened at his embrace, crouching down to reach his height to re-do the tie he had attempted to knot himself. He beamed a smile at her compliment, stranding straight and holding his head high. But the bustling of people around him caused his shoulders to carefully envelope his movements, making him look so small in Regina’s hands once more. She smiled at the thought, selfishly hoping that he would just stay so small for the rest of his life.

Her hands moved from the material around her sons’ neck to rest on his arms, squeezing gently as the two shared a small smile. Mentally embracing one another’s obvious want to be anywhere other than here.

“It’ll be a shorter night than you’d think,” Regina whispered placing a peck on his cheek and standing in the same movement, “And you’ll be tucked up in bed before you’ve even realised we had a party at all,” the boy pouted at that, but the actress was already jabbing at his ribs. Henry squealed out his laughter in response before running back out the way he came.

Regina gathered her bearings, finally letting the sigh she’d been holding in cloud out into the nothingness around her. Quickly replacing the air with her plastic smile and taking the steps to follow her son.

Henry was being dusted down by Cora. Regina’s teeth grinding behind their red painted prison at the sight. Giving Henry a look that told him to stand as still as possible as the older woman continued to pretend he was anything less than presentable.

“Regina, dear. I thought you were going to wear the red dress tonight…or at least something marginally _modest_ ,” her mother offered though a sickeningly sweet smile. Eyes raking over the figure Regina had on show for the evening.

“I preferred this one,” she bit out, trying to sound just as conversational as her mother. But she caught Henry scrunching his nose in distaste at the comment, pinning him down with another stare before he could comment. That was his second warning of the evening. She felt horrible when she sensed herself falling into these moments with him, she shouldn’t have to constantly threaten him into submission whenever Cora was present. But she knew just how better off he’d be for the rest of his life if he listened to his grandmother in these early years instead of having to make up for it in the much later ones of his life. “Besides, this is new,” she beamed, looking down at the material and remembering the hands that once helped her slip into it. And then she remembered the wrists those hands were attached too. And soon that familiar sickness was swelling in her stomach, distracting enough that she had all together forgotten the other two life forms in the room.

Cora let out a disapproving _hmm,_ her smile never wavering. But the twitching of her fingers and the fact that she’d stopped fussing over Henry told Regina just how aggravated she was.

She was saved by the bell. Quite literally. The doorbell rang loudly through the foyer, all three of the Mills’ eyeing one another. Cora silently reminding her daughter and grandson to behave with a single look, and Regina in return silently comforted the boy that stood small beneath his grandmother. Only moving forwards to place two reassuring hands on his shoulders once her mother had left to answer the door, squeezing slightly and waiting for the first round of guests to flood her house with boring conversation.

 

* * *

 

The night, as of yet, had been as Regina prophesised, nothing more than a huge waste of time. She was standing idly in the corners of each room she would every so often float between, drink always in hand and a careful eye on Henry who was noticeably falling asleep on the couch in the middle of a conversation that Regina had been sure was _nowhere near_ age appropriate. She was ready to storm over with fire in her eyes, angrily pinning the men she knew to be the culprits in line for attack.

But the sudden trill of the doorbell had disrupted her movements. And she caught Cora from across the floor gesturing for the actress to answer the ring. She sighed internally, plastering her best smile on her face before swinging the wood open for what must have been the hundredth time that evening.

Only her smile had softened into something more genuine upon the reveal of the harsh winter winds outside, then it melted into something she couldn’t quite understand.

“Hi,” the blonde she’d secretly been holding out for all night was now stood on her doorstep. A gift that was wrapped in a lilac tissue paper, shaped the outline of some form of alcohol. And the dress she wore was hugging every curve the brunette had been _platonically_ intimate with in the recent weeks leading up to this event. Gulping down any unwanted thoughts and forcing her eyes to rake back up to meet the expecting gaze from the actress, she let out a breathy kind of sigh. Moving just an inch in towards the house so that the blonde knew she was invited to come further inside.

“Can I take your coat?” Regina saw the small boy who’d been taking the coats off of guests all evening stand just an inch straighter, knowing that he was about to rush to their aid, she let her hand palm out in his direction, letting him know that she could do this one herself. He backed off instantly, sagging back into his designated corner. Hopping around as he watched the evening continue to play out.

Regina’s fingers grazed the shoulders that were covered in a sequinned material, slipping the pea coat she’d recognised from _that_ weekend off of the toned arms that she’d regrettably not been able to stop thinking about for a while since sharing a room with the actress. Emma was looking across every inch of the padded-out party, her mouth gaped open at the lack of festivities and more formalities this party seemed to be. Regina took the opportunity to gawp down at the legs that instantly looked six inches longer in the tall heels Emma wore on her feet and even though the dress she wore had been skirting just above her ankles, it was teasingly obvious. Smiling at the memory of the blonde commemorating Regina for having stayed in her heels for an evening, and now thinking about the amount of effort Emma had made for tonight. But for whom was an entirely different thought that Regina quickly swiped away with the brush of her hand as she pinned back a lone hair that was falling just slightly out of place.

“I did try to tell you this wasn’t all that,” Regina laughed out, folding the coat between her arms and pacing it to the boy was eager to have something to finally do.

“I haven’t even said anything!”

“No but you’re grimacing expression isn’t at all subtle Miss Swan,” Regina watched as Emma noticeably tried to rid herself off the frown. Instead relaxing into a warmer smile that only seemed to form once she’d met the brown eyes that shrunk with a smile that was just as homely.

“Sorry,” Emma mumbled. “Just nervous.”

“Seems to be something of a reoccurrence with me Emma,” Regina mused, knitting her fingers together to stop them from itching at her arms. Emma watched the movement, realising an eternity too late what she’d been doing, shifting uncomfortably away. Regina bit down on her lip, her smile falling a little and her hands growing all the tighter.

“Emma, dear! I’m _immensely_ happy that you decided to join us,” Cora had swooped into the conversation like a predator jumps its prey. A hand jailing Regina to the spot, tightening ever so slightly around her wrist. Emma noticed the small interaction, and the incredible tension that was brought alongside the actress’s mother. Noting it in her mind and storing it away for another time, but for now she smiled back to the woman. Nodding her head and almost curtseying a little for some ungodly reason. Regina sniggered at the bowing blonde before her and Emma let out a half-hearted sigh.

“I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this,” the younger woman emphasised, gesturing to the decorated halls surrounding her. A clear sarcasm pricking at her words that only made Regina laugh a little more, and the grip her mother had on her tighten just as much.

“Hmm,” Cora eyed the sparkly garment Emma had chosen to wear, “If you’ll excuse us Regina’s presence is needed elsewhere,” her mother was clearly hating every encounter she had with the newfound friend Regina had made. And as much as the brunette relished in the idea of her mother being unhappy, it also made her unbearably nervous.

“Oh, uh yeah…I’ll be around I guess,” Emma started, kicking her feet on the hardwood beneath her. Now this _was_ something that made Regina sneer a little. Just because the blonde was making herself homely somewhere in her unconscious, hadn’t at all meant she could scuff up the flooring Regina had spent an ungodly amount of money on. The brunette instantly scolded herself for the thought of Emma making _home_ inside of her. She shivered under the unfamiliarity, but also warmed at how natural this all felt. And how quickly the blonde had wormed her way into her life, just like that, as if it was really nothing at all. “Find me when you’re done Regina,” Emma winked, Regina blinked herself out of her daydreams, returning the smile she was receiving. Cora grunted and pulled the two of them away from the conversation.

“There’s someone I think you’d like to see again,” Cora was smiling the same smile she used when she was hiding something. Her initial thought had been Robin. And that _already_ brought an unnerving annoyance to course through her. Because seeing the man since their date, after speaking for no more than a collective hour since that evening, was the one thing she thought might make this night completley unbearable.

But nothing, _nothing,_ could have prepared her for the death like dread that instantly pooled in her stomach upon seeing the _woman_ Cora had actually been talking about. And in that moment, she’d really wished it was Robin.

“Mal?”

“Regina.”

The taller woman wore the same shade of red on her lips as Regina did, an easy smile weaved through the paint and her hands slumped just as comfortably in the pockets of her suit pants. She still looked as authoritative as ever. Owning her corner of the room with a confident set of eyes scanning the crowds surrounding her. Regina gulped back the sickness, wincing at the mention of her name. It’d been years since she’d heard it spoken like that, and _now_ certainly was neither the time nor place that she’d ever expected to hear it.

A frozen chill had spiked like an icicle through her chest and her body went immobile and her mind was racing thoughts of everything but absolutely nothing at the same time and it was making her dizzy with confusion. What the _fuck_ had her mother been thinking. Bringing the one woman she _knew_ Regina had been so connected to, to an event like this, at a _time_ like this. Cora was in the midst of plotting something dark and that was made clear in the way she marvelled at Regina very subtly freaking out.

“Henry needs to be put to bed,” she scoped through the room, sourcing out her son and ignoring the beckoning of her name from the distance behind her. Instead of replying, she slugged the half-asleep boy over her shoulder, starting to pace her way upstairs. Struggling a small amount as the boy had grown immensely over the summer. She felt a warming pressure on the small of her back, her eyes squeezing shut as she feared the absolute worst. But turning her head she saw the green eyes she’d suddenly felt she could get lost in peering back softly.

“You want some help?” Emma offered, a laugh tinging her words. Regina hesitated before she nodded a small nod. Helping to transfer the boy from her arms to Emma’s. The younger actress kicked off her heels completley, something Regina had found oddly endearing and somewhat humours, before following Regina back up the stairs. The two padded the staircase in silence, Emma with Henry bundled in her arms and Regina reaching ahead to open the door to Henry’s bedroom. Letting Emma take first claim of the darkness that enveloped the walls, leaving the door slightly ajar so the two could see what they were doing without having to turn the light on and disturb Henry’s sleep, not that that could have been easily attempted.

Regina took the shiny new shoes Cora had bought him off of his feet. Putting them neatly away in his wardrobe. Seeing Emma back up to the further edge of the room from the corner of her eye.

“Could you just…” Regina started, gesturing to the small boy as she struggled to slip the jacket from beneath him. Emma knew instantly what she’d meant to ask, jumping from where she was leaning against the wall and going to lift Henry’s arms from his bed.

The older actress took the stiff material in her hands, wrapping her arms around her son to loosen the material and eventually have it slip from him completley. Emma was kneeling on the opposite side of the bed, one knee denting into the mattress and her torso leaning over just enough to support her hold on the boy. She was close enough that Regina could feel the brush of sequins against her hand, and up her arm and just on the edge of her shoulder as she shifted her position to better get at the jacket. Purposely taking longer than needs be to remove the item, but definitely _not_ because she wanted to stay this close to Emma for just a few seconds longer before going back to make public appearances.

Regina made a conscious decision not to look in the direction of the blonde, springing back up from the bed to lay the jacket down neatly on the chair beside her. “Thank you,” she murmured, finally turning to see Emma gently tucking the boy into bed. She felt a smile burn her lips, but she was too nervous to let it show.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Emma whispered, catching Regina staring and standing almost instantly. “You probably wanna do that,” she smiled awkwardly, twiddling one of her golden curls in-between her fingers. Regina swallowed the thoughts away, pushing up from the desk she’d leant on, shaking her head as she paced her way over to Henry once more.

“It’s okay,” she resigned. Smiling a small smile as she brushed a soft kiss against Henry’s cheek. A hand running through his hair. “Goodnight my prince,” she whispered, just loud of enough for Emma to hear. And the blonde couldn’t help but smile.

“We should head back down before anyone starts to gossip,” Emma half whispered, half laughed out nervously. Dancing around on her feet as she impatiently waited for Regina to lead the way back out of the room.

The brunette sighed a heavy sigh into her chest, nodding her head once more. She couldn’t think of anything worse than having to head back downstairs and quite literally face her problems. But Emma was right this time, the longer they stayed up here, the longer her mother had to spread untruths throughout the party’s occupants. So after a while of listening to Emma sigh and clear her throat and awkwardly shuffle around on the carpet, Regina finally gestured to the door. Watching as Emma quickly tiptoed from the darkness and back out into the glow of the party.  

She followed tentatively, pulling the door closed with her. Emma stood against the banister, unsure on what to do next. Her hands glued into the painted wood and her toes pointing dents into the carpet beneath her.

“I never got to say how beautiful you look tonight,” Emma hushed out, eyes instantly diverting from Regina to the carpet. A blush creasing her cheeks as she suddenly grew hotter the longer she felt the brunette stare into her soul. “The dress…the dress is really beautiful, and well you of course…look really good…” she stuttered, still looking anywhere other than Regina. “It was a good pick, right?” Emma sighed, finally looking up to meet the glare from brown eyes.

“Yes, it was.”

“So…does that mean you’re gonna start trusting my judgments then?” Emma asked swinging forwards just an inch, still hooked onto the bannister but smiling more so than she had been before.

“No Miss Swan, your taste is still somewhat questionable,” Regina laughed through her nose. Crossing her arms over her chest. Emma bit her lip, and Regina’s eyes were drawn to the movement as quickly as the redness flooded her cheeks. She tried so, _so_ hard to stop it from spreading, but the warmness beneath the flush was rushing from her cheeks to her chest, that happened to be on _full show_. Regina cursed silently under her breath, turning her head away for a mere second before speaking again. “Although this little number isn’t completley hideous.”

Emma smiled even wider at that, looking down at the chosen apparel, that technically hadn’t actually been picked out by her, but she took the compliment all the same.

“Is that some backwards way of saying I look good Regina?”

“Don’t push it Miss Swan.”

Emma sniggered behind her as the two made pathways back to the party.

 

* * *

 

Regina had been dragged away from Emma once more, the moment the two had stepped down from their small moment of freedom they’d been escorted into two separate locations. She’d mingled with guests and acted interested in the tired-out conversations playing all around her. Anything to prevent any more inevitable meetings with Mal. She hadn’t really seen her mother much now that the seed had been planted, her plan (whatever that ended up being) had already been webbed into action and her presence was no longer needed in the growth of the problem.

The brunette elegantly fluttered through the party, counting down the minutes until the guests would start to make their leave and mentally patting herself on the back for having steered clear from mal-

“I never pegged you as someone to run from confrontation.”

Regina winced at the smoothness of the voice that echoed behind her, a warm hand patting her shoulder to just further divert her attention. Taking back the premature celebrations of her wit and instead letting her mood downpour into something much sourer.

“Well that’s what happens when you don’t see someone for a few years Mal,” the brunette turned finally, plastering a wild smile on her face and pretending to be unbothered by the presence of the older woman’s name in her mouth. “You end up not really knowing each other anymore,”

“I suppose.”

Regina just stared for a while, so completley lost in everything that for a single second she’d forgotten the years of past trauma and the years of heartbreak and the hours of crying she’d only recently found herself coming over. Seeing the older woman again was like taking a breath of fresh air after months of having nothing but the damp and the re-used. But that same air was what would eventually suffocate her, because she’d gotten so used to the adequate and the disappointing and the dark that now her lungs where on fire with the freshness of it all.

“Why are you here?” she caved, asking bluntly and hoping that this conversation would end soon and there wouldn’t be any more to follow. Mal took a breath, pursing her lips and pressing her hands further into her suit pants.

“Do you want to take a walk outside?” she asked flippantly, as if that was something so normal for them to have done. And it had been, it had been so natural for them at one point. But for now, all that familiarity was gone, and the comfortableness was replaced with queasiness and before she could even think up a response Regina was already shaking her head no.

“I’m perfectly fine in here.”

“Okay,” Mal sighed out the breath she’d taken in. She didn’t sound surprised, which, at its best could be taken as a good sign. “I’m in town doing some business with Cora.”

Regina scoffed, rolling her eyes and taking another swig of her wine. “Of course,” she mumbled. Mal let out a hummed laugh.

“I always did miss that,” she tutted, looking a little reminiscent…but not remorseful. And even though she knew these old wounds had healed over, Regina couldn’t help but be a little hurt at how easy the blonde was taking all this in.

“What?” she bit out, biting on her cheeks to try and keep from bringing un-wanted attention their way. Mal only laughed again, biting down on her lip and straightening out as a few of the guests passed through their conversation. Regina did the same but kept the distain on her face. “I have to go,”

“Oh yes, because you were always _so_ _eager_ to attend your mothers Christmas functions.”

Regina haltered at the interruption of her exit. Fisting her hands and clamping down on the glass that she’d taken another sip from. Trying to keep appearances up but failing miserably as she turned to face the blonde once more with an angry frown painted aggressively through her smile.

“Don’t do that. Don’t you _dare_ do that,” she’d pulled the two of them into the study, the one room downstairs that was kept quiet and cool. Mal being thrown back in shock but re-adjusting her mood just as quickly as the movement.

“Regina-”

“No. I’m talking,” she spat through a whispered temper. Slamming her glass onto the table beside her. “You do _not_ just get to waltz right back into my life as if _nothing_ has changed. You know full well, _everything_ did. Everything _has_.” She felt tears, hot and burning through their prison. But she daren’t let them pass. Blinking harder to try and rid herself from them. “You-” but she doesn’t say the words she wants to say. She doesn’t scream and yell, she doesn’t tell the older woman that she ruined her. That she’s damaged goods, that she’s too scared to love again. That her mother ruined her one true chance at happiness once again. But this time, even when she had someone she _thought_ would fight her corner, who would fight for _her_ , they backed off as if the past year had meant absolutely nothing. As if Regina was nothing. She was more than angry, she was furious, she was shaking, she was feeling everything she could think up and still her expression steeled, and her movements iced over.

The blonde opened her mouth to reply, but Regina pointed out a finger to shush her. Shaking her head and trying to take a moment to cool herself from the sudden outburst of anger.

“I hope business goes well with my mother,” she whispered, less angry now and all together just a much hopeless kind of upset. Her hand falling defeatistly down to her side and the other reaching back out for her wine, turning once more, smiling a fake smile as she slipped from the office and back out to the party. She didn’t look back to the blonde who’d slowly crept out after her. Having felt too triggered to even try and form anything more to say to her or to her mother.  

“Hey-”

“What,” Regina pivoted on her toes, her reply sharp and cutting through whatever it was the person calling out to her had to say. She sighed upon seeing Emma stumbling back a small amount at the sudden ruthlessness of her words. “What,” she said softer now, not being able to gather the energy to say anything more, nor apologise for the anger. Emma evaluated the situation before speaking through a playful smile.

“So…she’s the real reason you hate blondes then?” Emma teased, rocking forwards just a tinge. Regina noticed her shoes had taken place back on her feet, and the height difference only made her sigh again.

“What are you talking about Emma,” Regina breathed out with a sigh, a hand coming up to palm her forehead.

“That one…” she pointed in the near distance to the older woman who still seemed completley unphased by the evening’s events. “She must have royally fucked up for you to be _this_ pissed,” she continued. Being a little careful in her approach. But continuing as she noticed Regina hadn’t stormed off…yet. “And for this grudging hate against blondes.”

“No Miss Swan my hate for blondes was all your own doing,” Regina sighed again. Eyes rolling far into her head. She strangely enough hadn’t felt herself getting angry at the teasing remarks made by the younger blonde, instead feeling a little lighter and a little less bunged up with hate.

“I would say that’s completley debatable Regina,” Emma laughed it off. Feigning the urge to revert into her mind and instead wanting to keep the playfulness up, because if not, she knew she would only be triggered from memories of when the two _had_ actually hated each other. “So what’s the deal with miss six inches over there?”

“Miss…what?”

“Six inches,” Emma replied as if it should have been the most obvious thing in the world, shrugging her shoulders as she did so.

“What does...” Regina jutted out. Her hand instantly coming up as she shook her head. “You know what. I don’t care anymore.”

“Her shoes Regina,” Emma furrowed her brows, cocking a head to said heels Mal had been wearing without even flinching. But then the brunette looked down to the shoes Emma had chosen to wear, noticing now how the height hadn’t been too dissimilar, but being too tired to even bring it up again.

“It doesn’t matter,” Regina dismissed the topic, taking at her wine again and silently praying that Emma would drop it.

“Well just give me the signal and I’ll be more than happy to throw a few punches,” the blonde mocked, cocking her head to the side once more and thrusting her chest out to make herself look bolder than she’d looked before.

“You can barely walk in those heels, let alone start world war three in them Miss Swan,” Regina scoffed, looking back down at the legs that seemed to just go all the way up. Emma blushed after having caught the lingering stares but didn’t bring it up.

“You’re heavily underestimating me Regina.”

“I hardly see any proof of that,”

“I’m sure we could find something to settle our differences.”

“I’m sure we could-”

“Regina,” the brunette stunned herself from the conversation she’d fallen into with Emma, swooning over the smile the blonde bled into her words as she turned and felt a frown replace it easily. She steeled her expression automatically.

“Robin,” she chimed, faking an excitability around his name. Going into an awkward hug and hearing Emma snigger behind her. His after shave was overwhelmingly intoxicating, so she held her breath, which actually just made the smile look even more strained than before. Robin’s expression wavered a little, but he was too busy ogling the outfit Regina wore to be phased beyond that.

“Emma,” Both pairs of eyes gleamed over in the direction of the voice as it boldly proclaimed some identity.

“Yes, of course!” the man added in reply, looking between the blonde and brunette as he held a hand out in introduction. “I’ve seen some of your work, or rather, I’ve enjoyed some of your work,” he added meekly, smiling a toothy grin. “Forgive my lack of knowledge on the correct terminology,” he finished, taking a weakening hold on the death grip Emma had squeezed into the shake.

“Uh huh.”

A pause.

“I hadn’t realised you and Regina were so close!”

“It’s recent.”

“Well better late than never.”

“Well actually in some cases, never _would_ have been the best option. Much like the _relationship_ between you and-”

“ _Emma_ ,” Regina interjected herself back into the conversation, as some ringing truths were starting to be spilt and the taller looking blonde was getting dangerously close to saying something she shouldn’t. Robin didn’t have enough time to decode the cryptic message Emma had been trying to voice, and the brunette had been more than thankful for dim wit of her date that wasn’t really her date but was also completley her date if her mother had anything to say about it.

Emma held her hands out and smiled a friendly smile, pursing her lips together as she continued to listen to Regina’s conversation with Robin play out.

“How’s your new job coming along?” she asked politely, trying to stand just an inch in the way of Emma’s view so to prevent the two from actually fighting. Robin nodded, taking a small sip of what Regina assumed to be whiskey.

“Yeah, it’s good. Perfect almost!” Regina hummed in approval. “Have you got anything new lined up in the means of work yourself?”

“I’m still wrapped up in the middle of a show, so, no not at the minute.”

“Idiot,” Regina heard Emma, ever so softly, filter her opinions into the conversation. Pinching at the arm behind her as a small warning to shut the hell up. The blonde hissed in her ear.

“Oh yes of course,” Robin didn’t appear to have heard the comment. “You know, I’ve heard so much about Cora’s parties, and the rumours really are true. This has turned into quite the event,” he offered, looking around at the guests. The brunette looked on with another fake smile, watching him as he admired the décor, having been seemingly completley truthful in his compliment.

“ _This has turned into quite the event,”_ Emma mocked the man’s accent behind Regina, quietly sniggering to herself. Robin wasn’t even noticing her presence anymore, but Regina was growing endearingly impatient. Part of her wanting to laugh and join the antics, and the other half filled with annoyance at the childish behaviour jumping out of the blonde.

“I was also thinking…” he started, taking a small step forwards. Regina felt Emma shuffle around behind her, feeling sandwiched between the two. “How much I’d really like to see you again, just the two of us.”

Emma sighed heavily, and now, because the distance was closing between them, Robin had heard it.  

“That’s _it,_ ” Regina turned on her heels, taking Emma by the hand before turning back round to Robin. “We won’t be a minute, Miss Swan’s not feeling all that well,” she offered through tight lips. Taking Emma with her towards the study and away from the crowds of people.

“ _What_ is your problem.”

“What did I do now?”

“Emma, I didn’t put my child to bed just so I could take care of another one,” she sighed into her hand.

“It’s not my fault he’s an idiot Regina.”

“Do you always have to be intentionally dense?”

“Do you always have to start unnecessary arguments?”

“There wouldn’t be an argument if you could just _behave_ yourself.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d suddenly taken legal guardianship over my actions.”

“For one evening. _One evening_ I just want you to act like a normal, functioning adult, but apparently even that’s too much to ask,” she sighed out. “There’s so many things you don’t understand Emma, and this is one of them,” She collapsed into the cushion beneath her, hands immediately going to hide her face. Emma sighed, scuffing her shoes against the rug beneath her. There was a while of silence filled with only the light murmurings of the party outside.

“He just has weird vibes,” Emma offered after a minute of huffing and puffing. Regina looked up and saw Emma with that kicked puppy expression on her face.  

“There’s nothing wrong with him Miss Swan and you know it,” she sniped out, scrunching her face as she angrily bit through her words. “You can’t exactly preach all this nonsense about suitable men when you’re _engaged_ to _Killian._ ”

Emma swallowed loudly at the comment. Sighing out a sigh that sounded like it hurt before going to sit on the couch beside Regina. Far enough away that there was still an awkward distance between them.

“I just don’t think you should be settling.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

Emma sighed again, picking at the sparkles on her dress. Regina noted the movement of her fingers, gulping back as she dragged her eyes back up to see Emma’s fluttering shut.

“Well you’re just…you’re you,” she murmured. Cryptic as ever, Regina wanted to shout at her. To just yell at her to speak her goddamn mind and not create her own fucking Caesar shift. But she hadn’t been given chance. “All I’m saying is, don’t settle…because you’re worth a whole lot more than that,” she finally let her eyes pry open, going to meet the glassy stare that Regina’s darkening eyes had been giving.

“Why did you?” Regina managed to speak just above a whisper.

“Why did I what?”

“Settle.”

Emma sighed again, not for one second looking from Regina who was still waiting for an answer.

“It’s complicated.”

“Complicated like the bruises?” Emma furrowed her brows together at that, sitting up an inch straighter and shuffling back just a little more.

“I already told you what they came from Regina.”

“And I don’t believe you,” Regina stiffened as the conversation became less and less comfortable for the both of them. “Emma, I know…I- I…understand,” was all she breathed out through hushed whispers. Emma didn’t look happy with the comments, but she hadn’t shut the conversation down just yet either. “I know it’s hard. And you feel like you don’t…you don’t have a voice. But you’ll always have someone to listen,” Regina whimpered. The actress’s eyes meeting once more in a silent stare.  For a single second Regina thought Emma was going to open up, but instead the blonde was leaping forwards, wrapping her arms around Regina’s shoulders and tightening the hold.

Regina wasn’t sure what to do, they hadn’t really ever done this before. They didn’t do this. They shouldn’t do this. But none of that mattered now, because her arms were snaking around the waist of her captor, pulling her in just as much as Emma had done and nuzzling her head into the blonde locks.

She felt Emma’s breath on her neck, and her fingertips denting her skin and her body meshing into her own. And her mind went blank. Her eyes closed and her grip got tighter.

The two fit like the missing pieces of a puzzle. Finally being able to slot together and make the picture Regina had been too ignorant to see before. She rarely liked to engage in any sort of physical contact, only that of her son. And now, well, now Emma.

She couldn’t let go, she didn’t _want_ to let go. She wanted to hold on for the rest of eternity. And only then did she realise that maybe being friends with Emma was going to be somewhat difficult.

Emma sniffled into her shoulder, nuzzling in deeper. Far enough that Regina could feel the brush of lips on her bare shoulder, and the warm breath that caressed her skin.

Having Emma clinging onto her like this felt like water in the Sahara Desert, like she’d been dying, drying out. Holding out for nothing, being tricked and disappointed by the mirages that would every so often appear and disappear just as quickly. And Emma, Emma was finally the real thing. The water she’d needed to heal her wounds, and smooth against her skin and gulp down in every way she possibly could-

She was going to kiss her. She was really going to do it and she had no idea why the thought was bubbling like poison in her mind. But she didn’t even care about the consequences anymore. She didn’t want to think about anything other than this moment. She didn’t _care_ about anything other than this moment. Because in this moment she finally felt free, she felt happy, she felt hydrated. She felt all these wonderful emotions and it scared the living hell out of her. Because, god damnit Regina, it was just a stupid hug. A stupid hug that finally lifted the filter she had over her emotions.

Emma lifted her head so slowly, too slow, impossibly slow. And that was when Regina knew it was going to happen. That this was what they both needed. She was just inches away from her. So close, close enough that if she dared, she could take her in one right then. But she just stared for a while. Sketching out every last detail of the blonde in her mind, taking in every last inch and embedding this moment into her mind for forever. She let out a shaky breath, Emma’s eyes raked down to Regina’s lips, swallowing the lump she hadn’t even felt form.

They both leant forward in perfect unison, their lips barely even ghosting each others. But it was enough to send a shockwave of electricity down Regina’s spine-

“Regina.”

The brunette sprung from the hug, turning in the same movement and feeling the immediate loss of the blonde’s arms around her shoulders. She had had _enough_ of people calling out her damned name.

Mal stood in the door frame, looking a little lost in the moment. A little more remorseful than she had been before, but it wasn’t enough to spike any interest in Regina. Seeing the blonde waiting for her reply she relaxed, standing over Emma who’d shrivelled into a smaller version of herself.

“What.”

“Your mothers been looking for you everywhere,” she started, eyes flickering down to Emma. “And I thought I’d give you a heads up,” she finished, slipping her hands into her pockets and coking an eyebrow towards the other blonde. Regina followed her eyes, Emma wasn’t looking back at her. She was looking at the rug she’d been playing with under her heels.

“Thank you,” was all she could offer in return. Mal bowed her head, waiting for a moment longer before disappearing from the room, closing the door behind her.

Regina let out a painful sigh.

“I’m sorry, that was-”

“Yeah...I’m gonna go,” Emma stood, she sounded annoyed and Regina couldn’t help but retract a few steps. Her heart clenched in her chest.

“You don’t have-”

“I do,” she looked to the brunette sullenly. Clearly holding back tears, and something else.

“Emma if you could let me speak,” Regina snapped. Holding out her palm as a warning. “That was inappropriate of me and I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” Emma shrugged her shoulders, looking into a different corner of the room. Regina blinked her eyes in surprise. Furrowing her brows and crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’m sorry,” she blinked, “ _Thanks?_ ” she commanded the question. Distastefully pitting the words against the woman in front of her. Emma shrugged again. Regina felt fury take hold of her. Her fists balling at her sides and her teeth grinding down loud enough to hear. “You are so completley impossible Emma,” she was breathless. Agitated and _breathless_ and she didn’t care that she was basically shouting at the woman who still stood only inches away.

“Not a lot we can do about that huh?” she said flippantly, she still sounded annoyed. But not even just annoyed, she sounded hopeless, like she’d just lost everything she’d been holding out for.

“Do you not have anything you want to say in return,” Regina egged on, impatiently waiting for some sort of apology in return.

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“Get out.”

Emma slumped at the comment. She looked like a kicked puppy, but a puppy that was also somehow going around and doing the kicking. Regina’s arms were folded across her chest and her fingernails were cutting in through the layers of skin. She watched as Emma shuffled around the floor in front of her, hoping that maybe Emma would argue. Hoping that maybe Emma would just get over herself and say something, _anything._ But instead the blonde straightened. She opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself almost immediately. Turning on the spot and heading for the door.

The wood slammed on its hinges, making Regina jump. She felt a headache coming on. A throbbing and hardening pain drumming directly behind her eyes. She picked up the wine she’d put down at the start of this whole situation and tried to take some of it down. But catching how pathetic she looked in the mirror, she threw the glass directly into the reflection. Watching the shards shatter into millions of tiny pieces. Exploding and falling to the ground. Glistening sadly in the little bit of moonlight that shone through the un-curtained window.

Her eyes going to meet the source, only to find Emma stumbling angrily down the drive towards the car she’d hired for the evening. And then there was a flash. A goddamned flash. And it made Emma stumble just slightly into the bushes that Regina had had so perfectly trimmed. She growled at the clumsiness of the actress, but her worries quickly fell with the photographer that was scurrying back to his car happily. Looking down at the picture Regina had assumed was either of Emma stomping angrily down the drive or falling stupidly into a bush. Either way she knew this wouldn’t be the last the two would be talking about this night.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what this is? LATE, you know what I am? AN IDIOT SANDWHICH. I've said this time and time again that I suck at updating but life is HECTIC and I am currently awful at it. I hope that by posting late I'm not boring anyone because I promise this fic has a lot to offer. 
> 
> And I also know that I usually post on Fridays (so technically this is early, but still very late) but I felt bad that it's been so long and caved. 
> 
> AS ALWAYS thank you for your WONDERFUL support and continued love and comments on the fic, I really do appreciate it all. I LOVE YOU SWEN FOREVER AND ALWAYS (and no, this is not me just trying to sweeten you up because I'm late, but I dohope it worked :/)

16/11/17

She was tired. Her back drenched in an ache she didn’t have the means to cure because her head was pounding with a formidable migraine and her hands were already busy in working to massage her temples free from its imprisoning drum beat. They’d been filming for what felt like hours now, and each minute was demanding on her fragile state, worsening by the second. All she’d wanted was to just crawl up into a ball and sleep for the rest of eternity. Just do anything to relive herself from some of this damned stress.

_Nothing_ seemed to be going particularly well for her, or for the entire cast in actuality. Especially their director, who hadn’t been all that pleased when a scene that should have taken them a couple of hours to shoot had taken half a day, grunting out his demands and forcing out false encouragements through a thick tongue.

The actress sighed out her frustration. Feeling the breath leave every inch of her in an attempt to better her mood. Trying to keep her cool in the public eye as she stormed with heavy steps back to her trailer. Smiling a weak smile at fans who all screamed for her attention, and to the remaining cast and crew who slumped around the set. Stinking of the exact same energy Regina had been radiating, refusing to even acknowledge one another’s presence because no one was in any mood to even try and start time wasting conversation.

Out of view and out of reach of anyone who could possibly even want to talk to her right now (which would have been the stupidest mistake on their behalf when Regina was in such a mood) she stomped into her trailer. Her eyes closed and her muscles relaxed, even if only slightly, as she fell almost instantly into the door frame after hearing it click shut.

“You know, you really should keep your trailer door locked,” Regina jumped at the apparent presence in the room. Eyes scanning over to see an all to familiar blonde lounging around on the couch, one leg hanging over the edge and the other propped up at an angle against the back. She looked cosy. At home. Comfortable in that baby blue jumper Regina was sure she had never seen before. A jumper that barely even clung to the top half of her body, revealing so much skin that Regina had wanted to see-

She groaned out a sigh, stopping herself from exploring the woman anymore and halting the impure thoughts that impatiently started dominating her mind. All she’d wanted was a single second alone, a small moment that she could call her own and yet, even that seemed like such an impossible thing to ask for.

“What are you doing here,” she snapped. Feeling the anger boiling in the tips of her words. Her hand falling out of its fist and motioning towards the state Emma had found herself in. The blonde was smirking. Her head flopping to the side and her curls waterfalling beside her in the movement. Her hands had been clumsily knotted on her stomach as she propped herself up on an elbow. She didn’t seem phased by Regina’s mood in the slightest. Eyes raking down the pant suit costume Regina was still wearing.

The two hadn’t spoken since, well since the _incident._ Incident was what Regina had decided to call it, settling between accident or incident. Never mistake. Because then there was only guilt to replace the memories, and sickness and an unkept feeling of hatred that would boil like poisoned stew in her stomach.

“I never even realised until I saw you in person,” Emma interrupted, clearly in another thought, hand scaling the apparel Regina wore. Still not budging from her position on the couch. “Dressed like _her._ ”

“Excuse me?” Regina hadn’t the energy to move either, so everything just seemed so uncomfortably still in the smallish trailer.

“ _Madam Mayor,”_ Emma paused. Smiling a wide grin. “She’s quite sexy,” the blonde spoke with an added easiness. Her voice husking out the words and teasing with the character in her mind. Teeth biting down onto her unpainted lips as her eyes hungrily ate every inch of the brunette as if she were a five-course meal.  

“What-”

“Uh uh. I’m talking.”

“Miss Swan-”

But Emma was already standing. Taking careful steps towards the still unmoving brunette. Her eyes pinning her like prey caught in a trap.

The trailer wasn’t big. And the space between them was suddenly the smallest it had ever been. Emma was still a good distance away, but the walls were closing in on them and suddenly the blonde was only metres away from morphing into one person. Regina was breathless. She swallowed, but she couldn’t _breathe._ She didn’t know if it was the holding glare Emma had on her, or the fact that she knew exactly what the blonde was planning to do once she had _physical_ hold of her.

She should be angrier. She should be screaming at her to get out. She shouldn’t be so desperately needy and wanting. Not after the _incident_ anyway. Not after she’d finally let some layers scrape away, not after she’d felt the blonde etch a staining mark right into her soul, a hideously beautiful mark she couldn’t quite scrub away if she tried.

But all she could feel was want, she wanted Emma. She wanted Emma to take hold of her, to do whatever _Emma_ wanted to do. She didn’t want to be in control anymore, and if the prowling strut Emma had approached her with was anything to go by, she knew she wouldn’t have to be.

“I wish I could see you like this every day,” the blonde purred, her voice only an echo of what it had been before as a new sensation started to grip at her words. She stopped just in front of Regina. Enough space between them to fit a book at max, but close enough that Regina could smell the faint concoction of cinnamon and coffee as it glittered through her senses. She swallowed past the lump that was forming like coal in her throat.

“What do you want Emma,” she wasn’t even surprised to hear the breathy kind of nervousness shaking her words. Squeezing her lips shut so to stop anything embarrassing from escaping.

“You know what I want, _Regina._ ”

Emma was closer now, her breath ghosting Regina’s lips. Her chest heaved and her eyes searched for anything else to look at.

The brush of cold fingers against her chin sent a whirlwind of shock to spin in her stomach as her breath hitched in her throat at the icy feeling as it melted the heat coursing through her cheeks. She gripped onto anything she could. Her hand kneading into the counter behind her as she backed up into it. Emma following easily with that same hungry smirk on her lips, continuing to devour every last morsel of Regina.

She welcomed the chill that Emma brought with her, as fingertips danced slowly down her jaw and made their way to the nape of her neck. Leaving a rash of heat in their wake and starting a fire in the pit of Regina’s stomach. There was so much swimming in the bottle green eyes as they darkened with arousal. As they lapped up the want that bled so obviously through every shaky breath Regina let out.

“Emma, this isn’t-”

Emma shushed her, lifting a finger to press on her lips. The sea green eyes momentarily disappearing under eyelids as they fluttered shut. Still moving all the closer till their bodies meshed into one.

Regina immediately complied to the almost silent command and shut right up.

“Stop thinking,” she hushed out. Emma had never sounded like this before. Regina had never heard her like this before. So full of want. So full of desire and burning with so much arousal. She couldn’t get enough off this new Emma, she never wanted it to end so she did as she was told. Keeping her mouth shut as Emma’s hands snaked and threaded through the dark locks on Regina’s head. Fisting and pulling at the strands until Regina’s neck was stretched out enough that she could feel the sun’s light grazing her skin like sprinkles. Emma groaned before surging forwards with enough force that it caused Regina to slam further back into the side of the counter, the sharp edge cutting through the jacket she wore and compelling a whine of pleasure to slip through her lips. The pain mixed with her arousal only made her all the more needy for the blonde.

Emma was sucking and nipping and licking along the nape of her neck, up and down her jaw. All across the chest that Regina had exposed through the shimmery shirt she had on. Kissing just above the swell of breasts, teasing just enough to make Regina moan louder.

Tanned hands found themselves wrapping the blonde tighter into her space. One fisting in blonde curls and the other pulling at the small of her back. Trying with every ounce of her strength to close even the smallest of gaps between them. And Emma was happy to oblige, thrusting further into Regina until she’d found the will to sneak a knee in-between Regina’s thighs. The warmth she felt at the new contact with the older woman’s core sent another groan to envelope the breathlessness between them.

Emma finally pulled up©, looking down to the marks she’d made and smiling proudly at the claim she had on the woman. Eyes being drawn to Regina’s as the woman stood breathless and wobbly in her arms. Knowing that if she were to let go the actress would fall all the way down to the floor.

Her hands had warmed incredibly since they’d first laid touches on Regina, and now they were scraping down the shirt, purposely making sure to sketch more marks than necessary down her back. Only stopping once they’d gripped and cupped the brunette’s ass. She fit so perfectly in her hands as she lifted Regina up to sit on the counter. Feeling lighter now that the brunette wasn’t clinging onto her for dear life, but not even for one second hesitating before pushing right up into the actress’s space once more.

Regina’s hands scrambled around Emma’s body, finally resting on her clothed chest and bunching up the material in her fists, if only to pull her closer. They shared a smile, but the brunettes faltered more so than the blonde below her as her desires and her _needs_ were funnelling through her entire body, until she was pulsing with enough arousal that she thought she might explode.

Emma’s tongue was back on her in an instant. Dampening the hot skin beneath it and Regina couldn’t help but let a desperate kind of groan run through the air between them.

“Emma…pl-please,” Regina hated how stuttery her words had become, and how uneven her breathing had puffed out in between talking. But she hated herself even more so for letting Emma take such a firm hold on her entire being in such a short second.

“You seem stressed babe,” Emma’s voice was muffled as she continued to press kisses down Regina’s chest. Scraping her teeth over the skin. Her breath was still warm against her, melting through Regina and dripping straight to her core. “You should relax-”

“Then…for _gods sake_ Emma h-help me…oh,” Regina couldn’t voice anymore as Emma’s nimble fingers slid beneath her shirt to pull at the cup of her laced bra, toying with the already hardened nipple and pinching it just enough to gain a gasped kind of moan that played like a song directly into the blonde’s ear. The other hand danced circles up Regina’s thigh, reaching the top and stopping frustratingly close to the place Regina needed her most. She ducked her head into the gap between Emma’s shoulder and neck, her hands feeling their way up Emma’s back. Laying to rest on her shoulders and denting the milky skin below it.

“I think that might be my new favourite sound,” Emma mused as Regina continued to moan for more. Still pinching and stroking and letting out her own groans as Regina bit furiously into the skin she had exposed. Hissing into her ear at the contact.

Emma pulled her hand free from Regina’s shirt lifting the brunette from her shoulder so that the two could share a look.

This somehow felt more tender than the moments leading up. Emma slowly lifting Regina’s chin and pulling her close enough so that their breath was battling in the open space. It all went in slow motion. Emma’s lips crashing against Regina’s moving slowly and in unison at first until Regina felt the swipe of something hot against her closed lips. Opening them within an instant and moaning into the new sensation of the Emma’s tongue against her own. The moan only caused Emma to grip tighter on the thigh she had to hand. Going back to roll a nipple between her fingers on the other. They rocked in unison to a beat only they could hear.

Regina bit down onto Emma’s lip, pulling it with her as she backed away slightly. Receiving a primal kind of growl from the blonde and another kiss that seemed needier than the first.

“Regina,” Emma moaned out, smiling into the kiss. Regina smiled back at the sound of her name being said with _that_ much pleasure. “Regina,” Emma said again, this time it was a little less moany than the first, but Regina hadn’t let it phase her mood too much.

Then Emma pulled back completley. Her doughy and arousal filled expression not matching the way she said her name for the third time. Sounding more like a command than a needy kind of beg.

“Regina wake up,” Emma said through a sultry kind of smile. That was certainly unexpected, and it really didn’t sound like Emma’s voice-

But then Regina was bolt upright. No longer being held by the blonde and instead alone in her bed. Strong arms replaced by the silk sheet tangled around her, a hand between her thighs and her breath heaving heavily in her chest. A rap at the door made her jump more so than when she’d woke from her dream.

“Regina answer the door,” her mother called out with an anger tinging her tone. Regina’s eyes fluttered shut. She removed her hand from where it had snaked through the sheets. Ignoring just how _wet_ she was and instead shaking the messy thoughts from her mind. She felt absolutely disgusting, and having her mother stood just metres away put a damper on her mood and it soon forced the pulse radiating from her core to finally disperse into nothing. At least for the time spent being distracted with whatever it was her mother had wanted.

“Regin-” her mother was standing at her door with her hands glued to her hips and her mouth trying to form the last syllable of the name she hadn’t been allowed to finish. “You’re up,” she added, with a convincing confidence. The brunette nodded her head, physically holding back an eye roll. The two stood just a step apart. Her mother’s smile verging on a sneer as she looked down to the night dress Regina was wearing. For a second longer there was an unnerving silence between them, until Cora finally snapped her eyes back to Regina’s. “I’m leaving.”

“Now?”

“Is there an issue?”

“No, I just hadn’t realised you’d meant right this second.”

“It was implied dear.” She gestured down to her, definitely, oversized case. So her mother did pass a few things down the line then, her abilities, or rather, her lack of ability to pack a sensible amount of clothes had defiantly been passed down a generation.

Regina bit down on her bottom lip to stop the frown that was itching at the flesh from appearing. “Have you said goodbye to Henry?” there was a hidden joy under the brunette’s words that her mother obviously heard, for her smile tightened and her fists clamped harder at her sides.

“He’s not awake.”

“Well neither was I.”

Cora sighed, un-fisting her hands and rocking her head forwards as a small laugh escaped through the hair that ran with the movement. “I thought you would have appreciated my leave,” Regina stayed silent. Crossing her arms across her chest as she waited for a follow up insult. “But you were always too stubborn for your own good,” she added. Looking back up to Regina with an expectancy for her to continue.

The brunette sighed, loudly. “Why are you leaving so abruptly?” she asked, even if she didn’t care for the answer.

“Mal and I have some business to attend to, it’s actually one of the reasons we had to host our little get together early this year.”

Regina stiffened, tensed at the name but steeled her expression after a moment of processing the image. Cora saw the shift, she most defiantly saw the shift because her eyes caught the rigidness in her daughters’ movements, and they beamed in on the anger Regina had tried so hard to hide.

“You should drop into the office sometime. I’m sure Mal would _love_ a catchup.”

Regina’s lips curled at the edges, almost forming a snarl. Almost.

“I’m busy.”

“Well she’ll be here for a few weeks at least, a couple months at max.”

Regina stayed silent for a second, trying to contain the anger boiling in a hot stew.

“Did you need me to walk you out?”

“No, I think I remember where the door is,” Cora cocked her head to the side, giving a smile that all but told Regina how pathetic her mother thought she was. A pity smile if you looked hard enough. “You should get some more rest, you look like you need it.”

Her mother smiled a sickly-sweet smile at that, stalking off down the stairs (with an obvious struggle with the bag she had to hand, even though she’d tried to mask her difficulties in an added easiness to her step) and out of the door until the only remains were the ominous footsteps she left behind in the silence.

Regina slammed her door shut, cringing at the echo and regretting the decision instantly for fear of waking her son that lay sleeping only a few meters away. She stayed still for a few moments in preparation for the sound of tiny feet scampering along the hallway, but after hearing nothing but the continued silence that followed her mother’s exit, she raced back to the confinements of her sheets. Sliding into the warmth and picking up her phone from its bed on the table beside her. She looked to the time, it was seven thirty. Because of course her mother had decided to leave at seven fucking thirty.

“ _carajo_ ”

Her decision to open up the blue bird on her phone sent a chilling kind of heat to nervously sweat through her palms, and her back and her head and every part of her that was able to produce the nerve induced warmth.

Somehow, she’d forgotten about the actual incident from last night, and instead her memories were replaced from that of the dream. The dream she should have never dreamed, the dream she really wished she wasn’t still thinking about and the dream she thought might be more of a hideous nightmare in disguise.

She’d also somehow forgotten about the photographer catching a snapshot of her dreams most desired actor, the blonde she’d hoped to have never thought about in such a way again was all over her timeline. Fortunately, the picture wasn’t indecent, nor was it a humiliating capture of the actress falling into Regina’s well-trimmed bush-

_Awful phrasing Regina, try again._

Nor was it a humiliating capture of the blonde falling into the bushes Regina had payed so much to keep looking neat and healthy.

_A little better, but perhaps let’s try and keep thoughts as far from the gutter as possible._

The brunette worried on her bottom lip, denting the flesh until it bled and licking at the wounds to soothe its sudden pain. But she almost felt she deserved it for being so recklessly stupid. For being so _inhumanely stupid._

She was thinking about all the wrong things, worrying about whether the picture of Emma was decent or not was beyond the whirlwind of problems she should have been thinking about. She _should_ have been focusing on the backlash this would have on the both of them. Possibly more so on Emma, with Killian and all.

And then Regina felt all the more guilty, a different kind of guilty. She hadn’t planned on it happening, she hadn’t planned on any of this happening, she hadn’t even planned on being her damned friend. But here she was, having dirty dreams and crushes on an idiotic blonde. Crushes that definitely were _not_ crushes but were also _definitely_ crushes if you asked Zelena.

Emma Swan was caught in the flash of a camera leaving the mansion, no, scratch that. Storming from the mansion in a bout of guilty rage. The same feeling Regina could feel in her stomach, and in the worsening drum beat in her head. But then her rage was inadvertently being directed at the actress in the picture.

How could she be so ignorant in thinking no one would have caught her appearance. How leaving with such abruptness would make things any better. Regina was so angry with her for being so stupid, for…well for…for nothing in particular. She sighed. She was just as much to blame. If not more so. And there was not a lot they could do now, because if their situation was already awkward (which if definitely was) it was going to be a whole lot worse now.

And she really wasn’t sure on what she should do. Because messaging Emma was out of the question.

Well…unless Emma decided to message first… _god damnit_ Regina get over yourself. She wasn’t some lovesick puppy that only messaged her crush when her crush messaged first. And, Emma _wasn’t_ her crush. Emma was far from being her crush. She was anything but her crush. She was the complete opposite to whatever it was Regina wanted. She was clumsy, and messy, and selfish, and kind, and warm, and she was good with Henry and she had a smile that could just end every war and her eyes, her eyes had a home in them that Regina wanted to get comfortable in-

_No._

That was the panic talking, the adrenaline of the situation was making her high with anticipation and dizzy with nerves and she was confused. Emma swan was not only, a _taken woman,_ but also a major inconvenience, and she was keeping secrets and being all mysterious and not for any of the right reasons (if there were any right reasons for anyone to be secretive).

And then it hit Regina again. Emma was taken, not just taken but _engaged_. And not even engaged to someone Regina could grow to maybe not hate, it was someone she knew she would always hate. And someone Emma should hate too. And maybe part of her did, maybe she did hate Killian. Maybe she was trapped, and she needed help.

And then Regina felt worse, because instead of offering that help, like a decent human being, she’d tried to kiss her. Taken advantage of her fragile state and tried to kiss her. That was the last thing she’d have expected of herself.

But perhaps it wasn’t. Perhaps her mother was right, she was stubborn and selfish and hateful and arrogant and that’s exactly why she _should_ settle for someone that could push all that aside and just maybe _love_ her for who she was.

Using the word _love_ in the same sentence that described her relationship as _settling_ felt off, it felt wrong. But she knew it was most probably right. She knew it’s what was going to be easiest. And without Emma to talk her down from this ledge of impossible decisions (because she’d very well fucked that up) it was definitely better. Maybe then she could get over this weird, _crush_.

She shivered at the thought of it all, of everything she was thinking. It all made her cringe and it all made her bite harder on the flesh she’d captured till it bled out onto her tongue.

She did want to message Emma, she wanted to make sure she was okay, she wanted to ask if she’d seen the picture, or the tweets, or the low rent news articles that had already started buzzing with conspiracy theories. She wanted to know if Killian had seen. If he’d said anything…or done anything-

“IT’S MORNING!” Henry was crying out with a smile on his cheeks and a hug in his arms, wrapping them around his mother in a warm embrace that shook the brunette back into the reality of her life. Reminding her that there was no time to mope around.

“Good morning my little prince,” she beamed back, tightening the squeeze she had on him until his wheezing laughter stopped so he could beg for release. “Why are you up so early?” she asked once he’d backed away a little, still curled in her lap like the baby she wished he still was.

“Grandma woke me up when she started yelling at her suitcase for being too heavy,” he whined, rolling his eyes but let a cheeky little smile form. Regina let out a sigh that fell into a laugh. “Did she leave?” he asked, a hopefulness in his voice that was all too familiar to Regina.

“Yes, she had some boring business to do,” she rolled her eyes to match his expression, faking a yawn. She saw him trying to supress the smile that was tight on his lips, tickling at his ribs till he was squirming off her lap and landing in the space beside her. The two lay side by side, an arm flung over her sons’ body as he shuffled ungracefully into the sheets.

“Did Emma like the party?”

Regina swallowed the sickness she felt rising in her throat.

“Yes,” she faked a smile. The arm that was once limp around her son tensed ever so slightly at the lie.

“That’s good. I knew she would,” he yawned. A real yawn. “I like her.”

“I know _mijo_ ,” Regina sighed out, taking advantage of the eyes that were no longer on her as they fluttered shut, letting the frown glitter her expression.

“No but, I _really_ like her. Shes like you…but cool,” he was smiling as he joked. That mischievous kind of tired grin that just melted any of the bad thoughts Regina had been thinking previous to this moment.

“Watch what you’re saying young man,” Regina teased back, jabbing a finger at his ribs, to which he lazily tried to move away. But instantly moved back in to snuggle close to the brunette.

Regina morphed herself into the embrace. Taking a deep breath before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Henry’s head. “She is cool.” She whispered back softly.

 

* * *

 

18/11/17

 

Zelena was across from her, waving her hands around her head in a way she usually did whenever she’d found something to rant about. Her hair flaming in its fiery glory in the shining glow that was lighting the kitchen, Regina was dropping in and out of conversation. Eyeing Henry who was mapping out a giant fifty-piece dinosaur puzzle in the foyer. Tongue poking out the corner of his downturned lips as he tried to figure it all out. The red head noticed her lack of audience participation in the story she’d been telling. Rolling her eyes as she continued to elaborate the ending a little.

“And then a giant spider came flying down out of absolutely nowhere and ate _everyone_. It was an entire bloodbath,” (just elaborating a little) Zelena’s head was snapping between the two Mill’s in front of her, catching the lingering gaze Regina had on her son, and the glossy stain in her eyes. “I could literally be saying anything right now,” she stated, snorting at the absolute ignorance of her not so conversational company. “Regina,” she waved a hand in front of the actress, cocking an eyebrow and waiting for a response. “Do you even listen to me anymore, because I swear, I’m better off talking to a brick wall,” she mumbled half-heartedly, taking a sip of the tea she had left to go cold and scrunching her nose up in distaste.

Regina’s eyes followed the beckoning gesture, meeting Zelena’s sad gaze once more. She sighed out, hunching more so over the counter so that her head was flopping over. “I’m sorry Zee,” Regina hushed out. “I’ve been an awful friend I know,” she muttered. Hands going to rub at her temples.

“I can’t argue with that,” she smiled, puffing out her cheeks as she further inspected the brunette who slumped defeatistly across from her. “But I can’t really blame you when you’ve got all this god-awful girl drama,” she laughed out, taking another sip of the drink, but scrunching her face back up after being reminded of its icy taste. Pushing it away from her, so she wouldn’t make the same mistake a third time.

The vibrations bled into the headache that Regina was certain was just a constant pressure now. “I don’t have _girl drama_ ,” she grumbled into the palms of her hands. “I don’t have anything.”

“Way to lighten the mood,” Zelena scoffed, Regina released her head from its hold, looking back to expecting eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Zelena took in a breath, smiling that same knowing smile she always seemed to wear whenever Emma was brought up in conversation.

“What happened at the party?” she asked, almost innocently. Almost. For the plotting grin she wore was anything but innocent. Regina stayed silent. Steeling her expression and forcing her lips into a thin line. “Oh, come on Regina. I think it would be better for you to get it all out,” Regina still remained mute. Looking back to Henry who had formed a great deal of the puzzle since she’d last looked. “Alright fine, I’m being nosy. Just tell me.”

Regina huffed out a groan, rolling her eyes in the same motion and praying for something. Anything to come distract the both of them from this conversation.

“Nothing happened.”

Zelena wore a frown that told Regina she didn’t buy her lazy reply one bit.

“I’m being serious, nothing happened. And that’s probably the worst part,” (it definitely wasn’t the worst of it all) she moaned, pulling at her hair so that it would sit (for longer than five damned seconds) behind her ear. Zelena sat still, waiting for a further explanation, ogling her with the upmost interest. Regina sighed again. “We had a fight,” she started, but then thought back, “Well not a _fight_ fight, but anyway we…” she stopped, letting a breathy kind of sigh slip from her lips. “We spoke a bit, about…” she eyed Zelena, wanting to keep parts of the story for herself, “…things…and then she hugged me and it was all just a mess because we very nearly…” she looked to Henry, to make sure he wasn’t secretly listening in, but she found him still grossly invested in the puzzle on the floor, but she still lowered her voice into a whisper. “We very nearly kissed. And the worst part is I don’t regret it. But I feel so stupidly awful about it. And no before you ask, we haven’t spoken since,” she held her palm out to Zelena as she saw a spiked interest in the ending of her story light in the red head’s eyes.

“I _knew_ it,” she beamed, shrieking with delight. Regina scrunched her nose up at the excitement in her friend. How could she be so happy about something so dreadful? “That really is excellent news Regina!”

“And what about any of this could be considered _excellent_?” she sniped through a bitter tongue. Anger boiling back inside of her dreamlike mind.

“Well this _in between_ part right now, that’s not what’s excellent,” Zelena laughed out, shrugging her shoulders lazily. “But this is a real step in the right direction,” she added with an easy hopefulness.

Regina disregarded the comment with an eye roll, standing to take the cold drinks left in front of them to the sink.

“Speak of the devil!”

Regina turned in an instant, eyeing the device Zelena had taken into her hands and silently commanding for it to slip into her own possession.

“Oh, well, not directly,” she added, her cheeks paling as she handed the phone to the brunette who stood frozen in her spot by the sink. At her own pace she took the phone, looking down to see a message from Emma. Her heart raced a little faster in her chest and her cheeks warmed at the missed presence in her life. But then she read a little further and saw that she’d been given false hope. And in fact, the one person she’d wanted to message hadn’t messaged her at all. It was Killian. Killian on Emma’s phone, messaging Regina. On Emma’s phone.

_E: I don’t want to have to keep reminding you that Emma is still mine, Regina._

It didn’t say his name, he hadn’t signed it off. But there was an ominous presence lingering in the words and Regina didn’t need his signature to know it was him.

She didn’t know if it was wise to reply or not. But she wanted to take any opportunity to message Emma, even if it happened to be indirectly.

And she hated how Killian had referred to Emma as _his_ , like he owned her. Her eyes met Zelena’s, she could see the red head was about to say something, but she didn’t care to hear it, and already found her fingers working at the keyboard in a reply.

_R: She’s a human being Killian. Not a possession. And it was never my intention on making her ‘mine.’ Nor should it be yours._

_E: It’s not a wise decision to get smart now. Just stay away from Emma, it’s really not that hard._

Regina was half way through a reply when Zelena came out of nowhere and snatched the phone from her grasp.

“You should get out the house. Clear your head.”

Regina bit down on her lip. Furrowing her brows together as her arms laced across her body.

“I should say something,” she mumbled through a thin-lipped frown. Zelena looked down with sympathy, reaching an arm out to hold Regina.

“Anything you say is just going to make it so much worse for her right now,” she whispered in reply, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You need to think about it first.”

“Mom, I think there’s a piece missing,” Henry came forward, scratching his head and looking back to the incomplete puzzle on the floor. Regina felt a sigh envelope her chest. “Do you think we can find it?” There was a pause.

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I AM SORRY, this chapter was mean of me to post so late, but uhh it gets better real quick. THANK U FOR READING!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS THIS?? me posting when I said I would?? *the audience gasps loudly*. No but seriously I am pretty amazed that I've actually gone and done it. 
> 
> This chapter is more of a filler than anything to get us from point a to point b, so it's a little shorter than the others, but I hope thats okay because the next few chapters will be back to normal, thank you for your loyalty to those reading and I hope you enjoy our dumb gays being dumb!! (oh, and of course Zelena pointing out the blaringly obvious as per usual)

21/11/17

“It’s three in the morning.”

“I know,” a shuddery breath accompanied the small reply, shaky and nervous. Nervous and shaky and _tired_. So very tired. “But I was thinking about you.” She didn’t just say that. She didn’t. (she did). She did, but why would she say that. Regina thought back to the whining Emma who was crying in the bathroom because all she longed for was a friendship, so it wasn’t really a huge shocker to hear her say she was _thinking about her._ But she wasn’t thinking about her in _that_ way. She was just, thinking about her. But not in the way Regina thought about her.

It was weird hearing her voice again. Even if it had only been a week. But there was a slight slur accompanying her words, and Regina just prayed that fatigue was to blame. But then again, this was Emma.

_Were you still thinking about me when you dropped off of the face of the earth?_

 “I have to be up early tomorrow Emma, now’s not really an appropriate time.”

“There never really is an appropriate time with you Regina.”

She could hear the smile in her words, and although a deep-rooted part of her had missed the snarky comments and the jokes and the lightness she felt at Emma’s words, she steeled her mood. Eyes barely even focusing on anything anymore as the room hazed around her. Her free hand falling to clamp around the bed sheets, sheets that’d gone surprisingly cold under her touch. But it helped just to keep that ounce of reality in check. Taking in a long breath before replying.

“What do you want Emma?”

There was a shadow of her own sigh on the other end of the line. And then Emma was whispering.

“Am I not allowed to call you now?” Emma laughed out through strained gasps, she clearly wasn’t finding this as amusing as she’d been trying to play off. Regina let out an unimpressed grunt. “Alright fine, I’ve had a bit to drink, and I miss you.”

She didn’t mean that. She didn’t mean she’d missed her _like that_. She’d missed the company. And she’d missed the…it didn’t matter. Because she didn’t mean it in the way Regina would have wished she’d meant it.

 “You’re drunk,” she sighed. “Tell me why I’m not surprised.”

“I never said I was _drunk_ , I said I’d had a drink.” She swallowed, mumbling her next comment, “didn’t realise that was such a crime.”

Regina bit down on her lip. Eyes flickering to the digital clock on her bedside table, sighing at the reminder of the time she’d been woken. And for what? For this? For Emma to be sat on the other end of the phone spewing out her drunken confessions and late-night regrets.

She wanted so badly to feel rejoiced, to finally bathe in that feeling of having the missing piece brought back to her after what had felt like centuries. But her mother was right. She was stubborn. _Too stubborn for her own good_. And for some reason she couldn’t quite let herself feel even slightly at ease with Emma reaching out to her again.

“Look at what I sent you.”

 “You haven’t sent me anything.”

“Yes, I _did._ ”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I’m sure that I…” there was a muffled kind of struggle on the other end of the phone before a relived kind of _oh_ was heard and, “well…I’ve sent it now,” there was a fine mask of embarrassment in her tone and Regina couldn’t help but let another sigh envelope their conversation.

“Emma I really need to-”

“Regina just open the goddamned message.”

The brunette startled at the sudden sobriety of the actress’s voice, and after a long sigh she finally opened the message.

“What am I supposed looking at right now?” Regina could hear the shrug on the other end of the phone, and for some reason she could practically envision the dumbfound look on the blonde’s face as she tried to ignorantly hide her (not so hidden) agendas.

“I think it’s pretty obvious what it is,” Emma laughed nervously before continuing through a sigh, “but I found it when I was deleting some pictures off of my phone,” there was a disheartening ‘I don’t care’ attitude in her reply, but also a desperate kind of whine in the slur that couldn’t be easily feigned off as nothing. Regina wasn’t sure enough on whether she was grateful for the alcohol acting as a useful kind of lie detector, or if this was just making this whole situation a lot harder to be in.

She didn’t reply, and instead looked down to the picture once more. It was from Emma’s premier. A selfie they’d taken quickly at the after party and never really brought up again. Her eyes studied the details of it all, of how close they’d been and how far they’d drifted in such a short space of time. She felt sick and her mind was a flurry of rocketing insanity and she really just had no idea how someone who’d mattered so little to her at one point, had grown to be one of the very few people she just knew she would care for, for a lifetime.

“Is that really all you wanted to tell me, because if so, I just want to express how much of a waste of time this has been.”

“And here I was thinking you’d missed me.” Emma laughed lightly, obviously a little hurt by the rejection. Regina scoffed at the remark, trying to keep anything from slipping her cold exterior.

“What on earth gave you that impression,” she heard another shrug, but didn’t get a reply. She waited all the same. Even if her own reply had been an open-ended insult.

“A hunch,” her answer was so blunt, so sure and final. And Regina wasn’t really sure what she should say next. “It’s a cute photo though, huh?”

Regina nestled a hand into her hair, pulling it up and out of her face. Letting her eyes fall shut again. “Yes,” was her short answer, she wasn’t prepared to give anything more. She heard Emma let out another breathy kind of laugh.

“I should probably leave you to it.”

“That’s probably for the best.” It wasn’t. she knew it wasn’t. it was probably for the worst. But it was also definitely for the best, because as much as Emma needed someone, Regina shouldn’t be that someone.

A pause.

“Regina.”

Another, much longer, pause.

“Yes, Emma.”

A breath.

“Will you still listen when I talk?”

It took a second for Regina to even process what Emma had meant. But her voice was suddenly tiny, so vulnerable and small and it clicked. Regina couldn’t help but melt at the question and suddenly she couldn’t remember a time that she didn’t listen.

“Always.”

 

* * *

 

30/11/17

“She doesn’t even wear her ring anymore.”

“And how do you know that.”

“Twitter.”

“You can’t believe everything you read Zee.”

“No, but I have 20/20 vision so I can see the pictures just fine,” Zelena shrugged out her comment. Biting around the icing on her cupcake, not even caring enough to make eye contact with the brunette opposite as she brought about her theories over lunch. Regina sighed, picking at the salad she’d made, barely concentrating on anything else. “Besides, it doesn’t take a genius to see they were never going to last.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

Zelena licked at the icing again, ignoring Regina’s mumbled reply.

“Why don’t you invite her round,” she finally said through a sticky mouthful of cake. Regina grimaced at the appalling manners, but of course, her disgust was ignored by the red head who continued to devour the cake like it was her first meal in years.

“I already tried,” Regina sighed out defeatistly.

“And what did she say?”

“No, _obviously_.”

“So, try again.”

“I’m not about to push her into anything she doesn’t feel comfortable doing, Zelena,” her friend dragged out a loud and dramatic sigh. Regina swears she would be just perfect for a telenovela.

“Your arrogance is getting boring now Regina.”

“I’m not arrogant!?”

Zelena bulged her eyes out in a ‘yeah okay’ way, but Regina ignored the implantation, going back to pick at the salad she’d suddenly found to be the most interesting thing in the room.

“All I’m saying is, YOLO,” she shouted loudly into the kitchen, standing abruptly and throwing her hands into the air. With which her cake wrapper was thrown into the same direction, Regina following the disregarded crumbs with an evil eye as she fought the temptation to clean. And then she suddenly heard what Zelena had said, furrowing her brows and pushing herself from the side.

“yo what?”

“yo _lo_.”

“Right.”

“It means you only live once,” Zelena rolled her eyes, cocking her head to the side, trying to edge her bold ideas into Regina’s subconscious. “Just take some risks Regina, trust me you’ll feel a lot better for it.”

 

* * *

 

_R: How are you feeling today?_

_E: Tired, as always. How about you?_

Regina sighed wistfully, everything seemed so formal with them now. Their messages were nothing more than:

_Hi_

_Hi_

_How are you?_

_Good, you?_

_Good, thank you._

And that was it. No joking around. Nothing more than a simple conversation filled with boring small talk. And Regina hated it. But she settled. She settled because it was nice having Emma actually reply consistently with no random disappearances for weeks on end in between. And it was ironic, settling for this new Emma. Because it wasn’t long ago that the two were having this exact conversation as to why they were both settling for anything less than what they deserve. But this felt different somehow. Less like she was _settling_ and more like she was…waiting. Which, however you want to take it, could very well be the exact same thing.

_R: Zelena was over today, so my ears are ringing slightly._

_E: That’s good_

Regina furrowed her brows, because for all the lack of character in her replies (and lack of sense), Emma was still replying within the same second, which must have meant that she was clearly trying to engage in some sort of talk, even if it had been the plainest between them.

_R: She suggested that you come over._

She waited for a reply, a reply that never seemed to come.

_R: But of course, I explained the implications there…_

_E: Yeah._

That broke her heart a little.

_R: Do you not think that maybe we should?_

_E: Should what?_

_R: See each other._

_E; Why?_

That broke her heart a little more. Regina inhaled a breath. Looking over the question. This all sounded so unlike Emma.

_R: Forget I said anything Emma._

_E: Okay._

Regina locked her phone, not having the will to reply. Slamming it down onto the cushion next to her. She let out a muffled scream into the arm rest on the other side. She didn’t lift her head till she’d felt small arms snake her waist, and a small body slot beside hers. Finding Henry nuzzling into her side when she’d looked over to the source of the warmth.

Her own arms wormed their way around her son till the two were just a curled-up ball on the sofa.

“What’s up _mjio,”_ she cooed, raking her nails through the hair that wouldn’t listen to the strict demands of a hairbrush and still ended up a messy mop on his head. He nuzzled in deeper to her side, his head falling clumsily to her lap.

“I don’t like seeing you sad,” he sighed out, picking at the hem of her dress.

“I’m not sad,” she tried to be as convincing as she could, shaking her head and laughing a gentle laugh. But when Henry turned over to face her, and he gave her _that_ look, she felt the tears pricking at her eyes again and her stomach flipping in a sickness she’d reserved for when she was alone. “I’ll be okay.” She caressed his cheek with the edge of her knuckles, his eyes fluttering in a sleepy kind of motion. But then the boy yawned, and he started to mumble something inaudible into her lap. His eyes landed back on his mother when she hadn’t replied, her brows furrowed in confusion as she ushered with her eyes for him to repeat himself.

“Do you want my buzz lightyear toy? he always makes me happy when I’m sad,” Henry offered through genuine care, looking to her with doughy eyes and a smile that was wavering. He really was her little prince. Always trying to be so brave when she couldn’t. Regina worried on her bottom lip, stroking down his hair a few more times before replying.

“Yes please.”

Henry smiled again, racing up off his mother’s lap and padding his way up to his room. She felt the immediate loss of his comfort. But was only left in a moments silence before the toy was thrown down in replacement to the warmth of the boy. She looked back up to meet his expecting eyes to find he was holding his rocket close in his embrace. For a while the two just shared a look, until Regina opened up her arms and Henry fell into her with a speedy kind of rush.

Having the toy in her hand made her feel suddenly warmer, but also somehow colder. Like she had the flu and her temperature was just in a constant whirlwind of confusion. Because all the toy did was remind her of Emma. For some reason it really, horribly, completley and utterly reminded her of Emma and how much she’d missed the goddamned idiot.

The two sat and watched TV for the remainder of the evening, something Regina wouldn’t have usually condoned but her mind was elsewhere. And this was certainly better than having to endure watching the _buzz_ film Emma made such a prominent feature in. And when it hit eight, the brunette shimmied her son off to bed, finding herself quite drained from just…well just everything. She didn’t very much mind the idea of slipping into bed and sleeping this whole mess off ready for tomorrow to be just as bad. But when her phone rang on the table beside her, she knew her plans weren’t going to be allowed to be followed through. And a sinking feeling (that was proven right) told her she knew exactly who was calling.

“Regina!” Emma called from the other end, happier than she’d heard her before. It threw her for a minute, cautiously waiting for whatever else it was Emma was planning to say. “Oh, so I don’t even get a hi?” she said after a whole whiles silence from Regina.

“ _Hi_ ” Regina grimaced, gritting her teeth and clamping the bathroom sink beneath her.

“It’s so nice to hear your voice,” she called through the speaker, her voice was definitely slurring, and she was definitely drunk. There was no doubt about that at all. Regina sighed into the palm of her hand, not even being given opportunity to get a word in before Emma continued. “You know I’ve never really said…but your voice is like _crazy_ hot…like it’s just really sexy Regina,” she hiccupped in between her sentence. Regina sighed again, looking back into the saddening expression she wore in the mirror. It wasn't long ago Emma was messaging her like they were nothing more than work colleagues who only ever messaged when they absolutely had to. And now here she was, calling her voice _sexy_. A drunken mess on the other end of the line, calling her voice sexy. A huge  _mess_ on the other end of the line, just calling her voice sexy, as if they were back to how they were before the incident. 

“Emma, what are you doing?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious that i-I’m on the phone,” Emma giggled like a school girl, drunken giggles and hiccups that were all a mirrored façade for all the sadness she was feeling deep down. And Regina knew that, she knew how sad the blonde was. And how sad all this was. And how sad she was for not being able to do a single thing about it.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she mumbled, picking at the edge of the sink. “It doesn’t matter…where are you?” she asked, moving back into her bedroom to hide from the reflection of the worsening tiredness that creased her face.

“I- uhhh…hm,” Emma started, Regina could hear her looking round as if to find a sign of some sorts that told her where she was. Regina grazed out another, much sadder, sigh. Looking down to a single thread that was coming disjointed from her comforter. Pulling at it lightly between her fingers. “Oh, I remember, i’m in a bar!” Regina hummed out in reply.

“When did you start drinking?”

“Well what time is it now…if it’s half eight that’s…seven, six, five…” she faded out into the background noise until she was shrieking down the phone her final answer. “Like four I think, yeah. Four!”

“How are you planning on getting home?” Regina asked, getting a little nervous now, standing from the bed and placing a firm hand on her hip as her feet started pacing up and down her bedroom. There was a moments silence.

“I’m at home.”

“I thought you were in a bar?”

“Yeah well…technically the bar is my home now.”

“What does that even mean Emma?” Regina stopped pacing, sighing out the stupidity she’d earnt from this one call.

“Oh, uhh. Yeah, it’s actually more of a hotel now that I think about it,” Emma admitted nervously, Regina could hear the tiny feat of embarrassment taking hold of her.

“You’re staying in a hotel?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s none of your business?”

Regina let out an irritated groan, slapping her palm against her forehead and rubbing down on the bridge of her nose.

“Then why are you telling me _now._ ”

“Because you asked.”

There was something irritatingly endearing about Emma being so arrogantly stupid, and Regina hated that she didn’t hate it more.

“Where’s Killian?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

Regina wasn’t sure how to take that. But then she heard Zelena in her head shouting YOLO in that god-awful screechy voice.

“What hotel are you in?”

Emma hesitated before answering, and Regina wasn’t sure if it was because she couldn’t remember or if she just didn’t want to tell her. But she eventually found out the name, even if it was a mumbled mess that she could barely even make out.

“I’m sending a car down, don’t move.”

“What, why?”

“Just get in the car when it arrives.”

There was a childish hmph on the other end of the line, but no refusal or argument. So, Regina took it as a win, hanging up the phone and laying off getting ready for bed until Emma arrived.


	14. Chapter fourteen

30/11/17

Regina hadn’t stopped pacing since calling her car, having left strict instructions (and equal amounts fair warning on the fight Emma would most definitely put up) to not leave the premises until Emma was safe and on her way to Regina’s. Her eyes rolled to the ceiling and she shook her head, why she had so quickly decided that it was a better idea for Emma to come over, _when she was in such a state_ , was beyond her. Not only was this probably a _huge_ mistake on her behalf, but it was completely unfair of her to have done so. It was unfair of her to just jump straight into Emma’s business when she’d _literally_ been told that she had no right.

But then again, what kind of person…what kind of _friend_ would she be if she’d just left Emma to deal with the unknown hardships all on her own. Because, god forbid, the woman ever finds enough comfort in anyone else to spew all her darkest secrets. It wouldn’t happen, Regina knew it wouldn’t happen. Because as stubborn as she herself was, Emma was an equal match in arrogance. She threw herself into the nearest chair, hoping it would calm the storm within her. But noticing after only a moment her knee bobbing up and down in replacement to the pacing.

She had pent up emotions that were all threaded together in a knotted mess. And she couldn’t quite pinpoint and pick which one she’d wanted to feel the most. Preferably none would have been ideal, but that was very obviously out of the question if her mind and heart had anything to say about it, and if her hand would just stop clamping round the arm of her chair till she could feel the blood pulsing in a desperate cry for release-

She let out an irritated groan. Her hand warming again, silently thanking her for letting go of the death grip she’d been holding for god knows how long. But her mind was still hazy, and her stomach was still churning, and her eyes anxiously watched the minutes fly by as the digital numbers changed, almost too quickly, on her phone. She let out another groan, this one pushing her up and out of her chair, continuing to pace nervously around the room. One arm stitching across her front, and the other raised to her lips as her teeth bit down into the flesh around her thumb. There was so much inside of her, so many emotions and thoughts and feelings and nothing was being resolved in the short time she’d spent plotting what she was going to say to (the very drunk) Emma when she’d soon enough come stumbling through the door.

The truth was, she couldn’t understand what she was feeling. She couldn’t understand _why_ she was feeling _anything_. Sadness? Anger? Desire? Confusion? She was feeling it all, and all at once and her mind was foggy with delusions and mixed thoughts that wouldn’t quite piece together to make sense.

It’d been twenty minutes since her driver had notified her of his arrival at the hotel. Which meant the two would be pulling up soon. Which meant she really didn’t have a lot of time to focus on what the hell she was planning to do with the woman once she got here.

And then, as if Lilith herself had been plotting against her, the doorbell rang.

She froze on her spot in the living room. Eyeing the door with caution, looking like a damn dear caught in the headlights. And suddenly everything she was feeling moments before, vanished. Just…poof…gone. But she took the opportunity as it came, taking careful steps to where Emma was only separated by a thin chunk of wood. Fingers lacing into the locks, pulling them apart and the door alongside it.

And then Emma was stumbling forwards with about as much force as a weight in water. Regina, thankful that she wasn’t wearing her heels, took hold of the woman, hands digging into her back as she tried with all her might to keep the woman upright. She grunted under the pressure, and was that…was that a laugh? Was Emma laughing? She looked to her driver who didn’t even try to contain his confusion, one foot forward in preparation to catch both women if they fell and hands out in a mock barrier that really didn’t look like it would hold much if they did.

Regina mouthed a thank you, shifting Emma’s weight around so that their hips were in line, Emma’s head lulling to the side so that she was nuzzling into the nape of Regina’s neck. Her breath warm and sticky against tanned skin. Regina tried hard to ignore it, closing her eyes and swallowing past the lump in her throat.

Hearing the door click shit behind them she pulled one of Emma’s arms around her shoulders, helping the woman to walk their way back into the living room. The blonde mumbling nothing that was making any sense into Regina’s ear as they did so.

And then Emma was landing on the sofa with a loud thump, and a mirrored _ahh_ from the blonde who was still seemingly unaware of what was even happening. Regina worried on her bottom lip, standing just a few inches from where Emma was slumped over. Thinking it best to keep her sat up right now. She, gently, pushed Emma’s head backwards, till she could see the woman’s face in its entirety. Glossy eyes focusing on the patterns of Regina’s ceiling.

“I’m going to get you some water,” she let out nervously, teeth going back to bite at the edges of her thumb. “Don’t move,” she added, even though she found it a completley unnecessary demand because the blonde looked no where near capable of moving right then.

She came back not long after, seeing the blonde in the same position she’d left her in, letting out a small sigh before going to sit next to Emma. A leg moving under her as she leant back into the crease of the couch. An elbow resting on the back, hands rustling through her hair till she found a comfortable position to lean in. She just sat staring for a while, she knew Emma wasn’t completley unaware of her presence, but she was carefully wearing a thin-lipped frown and her eyes were dizzying around the views above her.

Slowly Regina lifted the glass so that Emma could see it out the corner of her eyes, she ignored it still. Regina sighed.

“Emma, drink.”

Emma remained still.

“This would be a lot easier if you just listened to me.”

She was still being ignored. Regina let out a frustrated groan, pushing up from her elbow so that she was sat completley upright. She hesitated before lifting three fingers to take Emma’s chin into her hold. Gently caressing the heated skin below it, so that Emma knew she wasn’t trying to force her into submission.

Emma still hadn’t made eye contact with Regina, but she was compliant in following the pull of Regina’s fingers till she was facing forwards. Still with that same blank expression. Regina lifted the glass to her lips, running the rim over them in hopes it would coax Emma into some sort of consciousness.

“Emma come on please, I’m just trying to help.” Regina whined, no longer frustrated but just concerned. She was worried about Emma, and she hated that she cared so damn much. And she hated that Emma was too stubborn to even see it.

“Why,” the blonde finally snapped, head turning in the same motion. Regina having to balance herself out to keep the glass from being knocked out of her hand completely. Dark eyes met drunk ones, and the two found themselves in an almost never-ending silence.

“Just one sip,” Regina whispered. “Please.”

Emma studied the expression, reading the room as her frown softened and her mouth fell open. Taking a hold of the glass Regina was still holding. Or rather, she’d taken hold of Regina’s hand _and_ the glass, so that the two were both still holding it.

The older woman felt her skin alight in a firework of explosions at the touch, pushing everything to the back of her mind so she could focus on helping Emma take small sips of the liquid.

“Thank you,” the younger actress let out through a gruff whisper. Regina nodded, even if Emma’s eyes had found something else far more interesting to stare at.

And then there was more silence that followed.

Until, “I mean it,” Emma turned her head to Regina, hand following in pursuit to find the tanned one that had fallen back into the brunette’s lap. “Thank you,” Her grip was tight enough that it sent another wave of confusion to mount Regina like a fucking army fighting to the death. And she bat her eyelids, squeezing back in a haste, and _stupid_ decision. Because then Emma was moving forwards. Inching slowly towards Regina with _that_ look in her eyes. _That_ look that was almost, _almost,_ lost in all the alcohol swirling in her veins, lost in the thoughts that must have been piling through her mind and Regina knew what the right thing to do was. She knew she shouldn’t let this happen. But she also knew that it would just continue to break the woman in front of her to face another rejection. But she had to do it. She turned away from the approaching blonde. Eyes fanning shut as she let go of the hand in her lap.

“Right.”

Regina sighed out as the hand that was feeling warm by her side was quickly removed and thrown to lace around the blonde’s waist.

“Emma, you know it’s not a good idea.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what,” Emma turned to her with a kicked puppy expression. One that was also threaded with anger and hurt, and loneliness and every sad feeling Regina could think of. She knew this was the reaction she was going to get and yet, she still felt shame and disappointment growing in her stomach.

“Like you don’t know exactly _why_ this would be a bad idea,” she added, gesturing between the two of them. Emma looked from the hand between them and back up to Regina’s eyes. Taking in short raggedy breaths. “And you’re drunk,” she said in a quieter whisper.

“Well I’m not exactly known for making smart decisions am I? Whats so different about this,” Emma mocked the gesture Regina had just made, inching backwards a tad, but not enough to notice if you weren’t Regina who was secretly hoping she would just move an inch towards her instead. Regina stayed silent. It was her best option. “Exactly, nothing. It’s just another one of my dumb ideas that should probably, no, _definitely_ be ignored. Because how of stupid of me to even-”

“Because this _matters_.”

Emma was compelled into silence at the sudden sharp tone in Regina’s voice. Dark eyes diverting from their hold on Emma’s, looking down into her lap as she fiddled with the hem of her dress.

“Why.”

“You know why.”

“No, actually, I don’t.”

Regina mapped out a sigh as her eyes fluttered shut once more.

“This isn’t a conversation we should be having whilst your drunk.”

Emma let out a muffled laugh, sounding dangerously close to a sob. And when Regina looked up, she could see tears pricking at the hazy eyes. Her first instinct was to hug her, to pull her so close into her embrace so that she would never feel so sad again. But that wasn’t a smart decision. _Especially_ not when she was partially the reason for her grievance.

“You know, I really don’t understand you Regina,” Emma started, shaking her head as she continued to look into the distance at nothing in particular. “One minute you’re all over me, practically begging for me and then the next you’re like…well,” she looked down to the slouching position Regina was sat in. “You’re like this.” Regina could hear the hurt in Emma’s voice. But she could also feel the hurt slowly brewing within her. “I mean, why did you even invite me over? Just so you could yell at me some more? Because for god’s sake Regina, all you’ve been recently is angry with me.”

“That’s not fair Emma.”

“No, you’re right, it’s not,” she laughed out, biting on the inside of her cheek.

“I wasn’t angry with you.”

“Uh huh.”

Regina sighed, trying to keep her cool.

“I was frustrated because you don’t talk to me. And then you just disappear for weeks on end. And then you come back, acting as if nothings changed, as if I haven’t just found you crying in the bathroom alone for god knows how long,” she took in a breath, shaking her head and then, “I get frustrated because I just, I care about you. _You_ made me care about you, and you don’t even notice how _much_ I care. At least not enough to talk to me Emma. Because that’s all I want. I just want you to talk to me.” She paused, breathing out heavy breaths. “You aren’t exactly an open book,” Regina was yelling out with everything she had left in her, with her teeth sinking deeper into her bottom lip.

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because, it just is.”

“I can assure you it’s no different Emma.”

She let out a groan, her head falling clumsily back into the edge of the couch, Regina instinctively went to catch the back of the blonde’s head. Hand fitting perfectly around the base of her skull, raking fingers gently through the blonde curls that felt matted and sticky from alcohol. She saw Emma’s eyes flutter shut at the contact, and she immediately pulled away.

“It’s different because you’re important,” she said through a gentle sob, head bowing down into her chest so that her words were barely audible. But Regina heard it perfectly, like she’d said it through a fucking megaphone, and she sat upright at the silence that followed the statement.

“What? And you’re not?” she laughed at the absurdity of it, but Emma didn’t reply and instead looked up to her with doughy eyes and her mouth forming the shape of an upside-down crescent moon. She furrowed her brows when she realised what that look meant. She didn’t have to say it for Regina to understand. “Do you really believe that you aren’t.”

Emma just shrugged, biting down nervously on her lip.

“Emma, you’re the most important person to m- to a lot of people right now,” she caught her slip up, swallowing down the confession quickly in hopes it would make a surprise appearance again. She didn’t know if Emma had heard it or not, because all she did was slump over even more. Then Regina did something she knew she probably shouldn’t, she cupped Emma’s face, pulling her head back up to meet her eyes. “You’re so very important Emma Swan, and you don’t even know it.”

A silent that felt longer than the others fell between them. Every unspoken word swimming in the eyes that stuck like magnets to each other’s hold.

Emma let out a sob louder than before, falling into Regina, her head landing on her chest and the rest of her body following in pursuit until Regina was lying back on the couch with a still crying Emma on top of her, wrapped in her arms and nuzzled safely into her embrace. Regina looked down, and Emma wasn’t doing anything she could see, but here she was leaning against her chest, sobbing ever so gently. Holding an entire battle in her mind.

_The Saddest love is to love someone, knowing that they want you. But the circumstances don’t let you have them_. Regina thought hard on that. Maybe she didn’t know what she felt for the blonde. The blonde who was slowly becoming a safety blanket, the blonde who was still crying into her chest, the blonde who she was _sure_ felt the exact same. The blonde who she might or might not love, but whatever the hell _this_ was. It was painful and it was strong, and it was putting up a hell of a fight.

 But she couldn’t have her. And she knew she couldn’t have her. They could never have each other in the way they both wanted.

She waited until she heard breathing evening out, deepening until she was sure Emma was asleep. Only then did she let herself run fingers through the gold locks, brushing them from covering Emma’s face and pulling, ever so gently, at the strands to prevent them from sticking to the tears staining her cheeks. And then she spoke into the silence.

“When we first met, I had no idea you would become so important to me.”

 

* * *

 

Regina had sat for…she actually didn’t know how long for. But she did know that it felt too long…but at the same time, not long enough.

She was in the kitchen now, standing to face the garden through the window that showed her reflection in a heavy glow. A glass of wine in her hand and a frown on her face. Emma was only meters away from her, soundly asleep on her couch.

She’d fell silent to Regina running her fingers through her hair, and there was something so dangerously poetic about that and it made Regina want to puke at how cliché this was all becoming. It didn’t feel real. And surely, _surely,_ this wasn’t real. This was all some kind of sick joke, and any minute now she was going to wake up from this nightmare that her life was slowly turning into. Because she didn’t _love_ Emma. She didn’t want Emma like that. Emma didn’t want her like that. Neither of them wanted anything more than what they had now-

“I assumed you’d gone to bed,” Regina startled at the presence looming in the doorway behind her. Her voice was hoarse and dry, and she sounded awful. Sounded tired. Looking through the reflection to see, what she suspected to be a much more sober, Emma rocking awkwardly on the balls of her feet. She shook her head, taking another sip of her wine. “I just…came to get some water,” she continued, hovering for a moment longer before going to take a glass from the side. Brushing past where Regina was leaning against the edge of the island, a faint concoction of sickly-sweet alcohol and coffee running in the air that followed. Regina took another sip of wine. Eyes pinning to the back of the blonde as she ran the tap into the glass she’d collected. Taking a few big gulps before turning to face the brunette. Subconsciously mimicking her stance as the two continued to bask in a silence.

“Thanks for taking me in.”

“It’s okay.”

Emma took in a breath with her next gulp of water, training her eyes on the ripples that formed in her glass, Regina’s still latched onto Emma’s every move. She shuffled around a little to place her wine on the counter beside her, finally leaving Emma to stand glare free. Hearing the faint clatter of glass on the opposite end of the room, she presumed Emma had done the same.

“Emma, I-”

But she was shut up immediately with an Emma who was lurching forward, hands pressed to hips and lips pressed to lips. Bodies meshing into one as Emma dug nails deeper into her grip. Regina’s eyes bulged open, neither pushing the blonde away, nor full engaging in anything that was happening. But when she looked up a little to see Emma kissing her with closed eyes and a frownless face, she fell into it all too quickly. Her arms reaching up to grapple around her neck, hands finding their way to blonde curls, palming at the base of her skull as she tried to deepen the kiss. She felt the brush of fingernails caressing her arms, as a trim of cool bled through the touches that led up to her hair, moaning into the slight tug of the strands as Emma tightened her grip in the dark mop.

She felt strong against her, and how could that even be a thing? How could someone feel strong against you? How was it possible to feel so safe in something you know is so _stupidly_ wrong? Because that’s exactly what this was, it was wrong. But her missing puzzle piece was finally back, and she came to realise that maybe, just maybe, for a single moment she didn’t care how wrong this was. Because they fit so perfectly together, like everything in the world was just all of sudden right, and _her_ world was right, and everything about this was right. They were right. This felt right. Being in Emma’s arms, with her lips against hers, and her nails leaving a fiery wake in her skin was right. And her mind was finally free of everything she’d been thinking about. And this was it. This was what she’d been missing.

When she felt the swipe of something warm against her lips she was, rather impatiently, reminded of a dream she hadn’t had too long ago, and it caused a groan to slip through her parting lips, an entrance for Emma’s tongue to tangle with her own as the kiss grew hungrier and their bodies pressed further into each other and their minds wandered and their hands trembled with touches and their breathing crashed loudly in the air around them. And it was just, all so perfect-

And Regina whimpered into the kiss.

Feeling a sob catch in her throat as she pulled from Emma’s lips, her head falling to the shoulders that were just unbearably close to her. Tears fell and her mind went blank and her body went numb and she felt Emma gripping on for dear life around her, adjusting them both so that Regina was just ever so slightly sitting on the edge of the island.

Emma’s hand raked comfortingly against Regina’s back, rubbing in circular motions as she soothed and coaxed the tears out of the woman shaking in her arms. The other hand massaging her head, so nurturing. So caring and tentative, and it made Regina feel sick. Because she knew she couldn’t have this. She shouldn’t have this. This wasn’t _hers_ to have. And she sobbed louder, louder, louder, until Emma was taking her chin in her fingers and pulling her head up to meet her stare.

“Hey,” she whispered through a half smile, her own tears hiding in their prison. “It’s okay.”

Regina let out a huff of air, hands slamming against the blonde’s chest as she released herself from Emma’s, really _fucking gentle_ grip.

“ _No_ Emma, _nothing_ about this is _okay._ ” She cried out, shaking her head in guilt and anger, and confusion and everything she was feeling at the start of the night. And even through her arguments and her crying, she never, not once, tried to remove herself from Emma’s embrace. And Emma didn’t say anything, she just pulled her in tighter.

“Sorry, I’m not very good at this _words_ thing, not like you,” she admitted in a quiet laugh, resting her chin on the top of Regina’s bowed head, rocking the two into a silence once more. “But we’ll figure it out. We always do.”

Regina slowly fell back into the island, letting go of Emma and instead holding onto the counter behind her.

“I don’t think…” her words got caught in her throat, she was really going to throw up. “I don’t think this is something we _should_ be figuring out.” Regina whispered, eyes searching for anything else to look at. Finding that Emma’s sad eyes were too painful to continue to stare into. Deep pools of emotion finally spilling and staining her cheeks like paint left in the rain.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s not a reason.”

Regina sighed. Shaking her head, and her hair along with it. Still stood partially in Emma’s space, the blonde not having the will to move in case Regina really did try to chuck her out or do something just as stupid.

“You’re scared Regina,” the brunette’s eyes flickered like a light switch back up to Emma, who’s tears kept spilling at their own will. Emma didn’t even seem phased by them anymore. But it was painful to see.

“I’m not scared. I’m just being practical Emma.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” This time Emma did move back. Arms folding protectively across her chest.

“It means that neither one of us is any position to be picking up…whatever the _fuck_ this is,” she got louder now, pushing off the side so that she was standing stark upright.

“Because of what? Because of Robin? Killian? Regina really?”

“Yes!” Regina started exasperated, arms flying to cross her own chest. “Exactly because of them. And…well there’s other reasons far too long to list, but Emma,” she started to cry again. Looking away so to try and stop the tears from escaping. Biting down on her lips before continuing. “Emma this isn’t a good idea.”

“You could say that about every decision ever made Regina,” Emma was softer now, taking gentle steps forward until her hands were on Regina’s elbows. Feeling them tense under her hold but keeping a grip on the trembling woman. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“You’re probably still drunk.”

“No, actually,” Emma started to laugh a little, “This is probably the most sober and level headed I’ve ever felt,” she beamed a genuine smile to Regina who just had to look away again before she had another breakdown. “This week without you, has been fucking unbearable to say the least. And I really…” she waited until she had Regina’s eyes trained on her own again. “I really don’t want to have to go through that again.”

Regina felt her knees go wobbly beneath her, taking a hold on the island behind her. Gasping as she felt Emma’s hand being placed on top of hers.

“Okay,” Regina shuddered through shaky breaths, eyes peeling from Emma’s hand and back to her glossy eyes. “But first, you have to start talking to me.” Emma seemed to buckle slightly at the request but nodded all the same. Regina nodded with her, taking a hand to brush a few loose strands of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear. Stroking down the side her cheek, and then down her shoulder, and then to her wrist. Eyes darting down to see fragments of bruising on the milky skin. It was barely even noticeable anymore, but it was probably more prominent because she knew just how purple the skin was coloured not too long ago.

She hesitated, caressing a thumb over the dented areas. Eyes staying trained the skin.

“Where did the bruises come from.”

She heard Emma gulp, letting a breath out in a sharp exhale. Watching Regina’s fingers smooth over the skin, and it made her feel warm inside. Tingly and warm and suddenly she was talking, “He gets mad sometimes, and when he does his grip is just…too tight,” she shrugged it off, but the tears swimming in her eyes told Regina of all the hurt she still felt. She was trying really so very hard to keep her anger in a safe place, buried deep inside of her. But she felt a new sickness swelling in the pit of her stomach, she felt rage in the same way it was described to her in books. Like she was seeing red, and her temples were throbbing, and she wanted to throw something heavy directly into Killian’s face. But right now… right now wasn’t the time for all that anger to come boiling over. Now was a time for Emma. And she deserved that time.

The brunette removed her fingers from Emma’s wrists, lacing them with pale fingers and holding on as she squeezed the hand held in hers. Reassuring Emma to continue. The blonde shrugged again, still not making eyes contact.

“It only happened a couple of times,” she sniffled. “When he didn’t think I was listening, or if I was trying to leave, or sometimes…in bed, it was sometimes worse then and he never listened to me telling him to-” she choked out the last few words but kept her calm. Regina forever eyeing her to make sure she was still okay. Feeling guilty for having Emma relive it all as she took the blonde tight into her embrace.

“He’s not a nice man Regina, not when he’s angry,” she whimpered into Regina’s hair. “But he was so easy at first. And I was young and naive, and I thought that hey, at least someone wants to love me. And suddenly it didn’t matter that I was becoming less and less like myself, and I was becoming his little _…his pet_.” She looked visibly queasy at the remark, and Regina automatically loosened her hold to give her some breathing space. But Emma just moved in closer. “It was just so…easy Regina,” Emma let out a final sob into the brunette’s shoulder, hands digging into the material on Regina’s back. Clinging on like it was her lifeline as she just let everything out. And Regina gave her all the time she needed, only letting go when Emma finally pulled back up. Rubbing her tears away on the back of her hand, until Regina relieved her of the job. Taking gentle fingers to brush away the streams of hurt, smiling as Emma dared to stare back into her eyes. They’d both done enough crying to fill an ocean tonight. And she didn’t want Emma to start reliving everything again. She got the idea, and it was enough to send a pit of fiery anger aflame in her stomach. This was enough for now. But she definitely wasn’t letting this go, Killian had a hell of a storm coming his way.

“You don’t ever have to go through that again Emma. Not whilst I’m alive,” she forced a smile. Feeling that anger rising hotly in her throat, trying her best to keep it at bay for Emma’s sake. The blonde nodded, and she looked so small. So tiny and Regina couldn’t do anything but tuck her back into her arms.

“Can I…” she took in a breath. “Can I stay with you tonight?” her voice was so fucking _tiny._ Regina took a step back, smiling that smirk that always got Emma’s butterflies in her stomach to start wing displays.

“Well, I wasn’t very well going to send you back to the hotel,” she laughed, caressing the sides of Emma’s arms.

“No, I meant, like… _with_ you,” Emma looked directly into her eyes then, looking so vulnerable and small. And Regina felt tears pricking at her eyes before she forced a smile to lock them back into place. Holding out a hand for Emma to take. The blonde did so a little reverently, following Regina as she led the two of them upstairs.

Emma padded awkwardly across Regina’s room, the brunette looked her over a couple of times to make sure she wasn’t going to run. Then turned to her drawer, pulling out an oversized pyjama shirt before handing it carefully to Emma who looked so tamed in the foreign territory. She took the shirt after a while of not understanding, smiling a small thanks as Regina raced back to get her pyjamas. Closing herself in the bathroom so to give them both some breathing space.

She fell heavily against the door, eyes shutting tight, breathing in and out almost too much. Trying to just take it all in piece by piece. Realising that perhaps now wasn’t the time to be thinking back to their conversations, as she felt that white hot anger spiking her veins, tingling in her fingertips.

So instead she got her pyjamas on quickly and went back outside to check on Emma…who was stood in the centre of the room. Holding her clothes, awkwardly waiting for Regina to re-appear. Regina smiled a soft smile. There was something about seeing Emma in one of _her_ shirts. Something that sent a pang to ripple through her chest in the place her heart was beating restlessly now.

“You can get into the bed Emma.”

Emma turned to said bed, nodding her head and brushing her hair out of her face.

“Oh yeah, I uhh…I didn’t know which side you preferred to sleep on.” She smiled a goofy smile, passing her clothes to Regina as she offered to take and place them on her vanity.

The brunette felt her heart melt at the admittance, smiling to herself before taking Emma’s hand once again. Taking gentle steps towards the bed until they’d both clumsily piled into the cool sheets.

At first Emma laid completley still, but then Regina opened her arms out for the blonde. And soon she was scuffling across the mattress so she could slot herself into position. Head resting on Regina’s chest, focusing on her heart beat tapping softly against her chest, and running circles in Regina’s neck with gentle fingers.

Regina was stroking her hand down Emma’s hair. Resting slightly on top of her forehead. Not even realising that they’d both fallen asleep a little too easily in this position.


End file.
